Getting Prepared for New Adventures


February 17th

Dear Journal,

It’s really been quite some time since I have written in journal, however, I’m back at the farm in Halfhill and I must admit that I am just enjoying being here and having some free time on my hands too. It feels good to be sitting on the front steps of the house in a robe and not having to be in full armor with my weapon close to hand. It’s just nice to enjoy sitting here in the sunshine and watching the animals play on the farm and not having people constantly charging up and asking for more “orders” to be given or to give me an urgent message about some nonsense.

Just having some privacy and being able to relax has been such a bonus to me and to Kae.  I don’t think that either one of us realized how exhausted we were with the constant being on duty required of us in Draenor.  Oh, there were things that we both like about commanding a Garrison, however, there were so many things that we disliked.  Not having any privacy was the main failing point in our eyes because we couldn’t seem to find that much time alone and even if we did, someone would find us. I know that one time we went all the way to Nagrand to find a place to be alone and I’ll be damned if one of the couriers showed up not even an hour after we arrived.  Talk about feeling awkward, we weren’t exactly dressed for the occasion, as it were.   It made me wish for the old days in our old Nagrand where we could slip away and find a nice floating island to spend some time alone and watch the clouds passing us by – nope that doesn’t exist on Draenor.

We still must go back to Draenor every few days to check on our place and to make sure that the duties are being carried out, however, we aren’t restricted to just that.  We are taking a bit of a respite from our service so that we can recoup some of our energy before we rejoin our forces in The Broken Isle, which, I am not looking forward too at all.  From everything that I have heard, I’m not looking forward to going even if that is supposedly our duty because I can’t say that I have ever been overly fond of the stench of Fel and I am not fond of demons in all shapes and sizes trying to take my life either.  I know that Kae and I were discussing some of this as we lay in bed the other night and neither one of us is anxious to get back into the old routine of going out on patrols and then racing like we’re on fire to get back to our headquarters to make our reports.   Getting back into the routine of Scout and Sentinel isn’t something that we will have trouble with, however, we will have a bit of trouble adjusting to taking orders from someone else when we have gotten so used to having control of that sort of thing ourselves. Oh well, we’ll go where our duty requires us to go even if we’re not going to like it.

I always wonder if we are ever going to have a peaceful time in our lives.  I know that my Father does talk about a time when things were not so chaotic and full battles going on constantly.  That was long before I was born, although my parents were already mated at that point – she was in Shattrath at that point and my Father was in Dalaran getting his company established there as a civilian mercenary – that’s when all the Import/Export business started and made it possible for us to have other branches of the company all over Azeroth and represented in both factions.  If only some of the people realized that Morningstar Enterprises and Shadowmoon Enterprises was owned and operated by the same family, they just see different faces running things wherever they happen to be.  Maybe it wouldn’t be such a good idea for them to know because one company is owned by a Sindorei and the other by a Kaldorei that happen to be married to one another – I’m sure some people would consider them both to be traitors, not only to their factions, which would be a bad thing, I’m sure.

I know that Kae still gets ridiculed for being involved with a half-breed, however, she has taken it all in stride these last few years and I must admire her for that sometimes.  It hasn’t made her life an easy one with the Sentinels, however, she thinks that some of them are just envious of the fact that not only am I her Scout, I’m also her lover.  I’m also starting to give more thought to us taking our vows at the moonwell in Darnassus too, it’s time that we made our relationship a bit more permanent.  I know that she would be a lot happier and it might make her life easier in the troop.  I know that I would be one of the few mates that would still be seeing active duty with their spouses and I would not be relegated to something else.

We have been talking about having children sometime soon too.  One of the things that I don’t like is the fact that she would like to utilize the communal type of child-rearing that she had growing up and I am more inclined to go along with the way that my parents raised me.  I know my family and I love them, is that not a good thing?  I know that the Sentinels feel that their children gain more experiences of life without being held too close to their parents, however, I feel that the kids are being cheated out of a foundation of having a family and what that truly means.  Oh, I can just know how my Mother would react to a grandchild of hers being reared without knowing their family – the explosion would be heard all the way through time to Draenor.

Ah well, I’m sure that things will happen in due time.  Kae and I are not in a hurry to change things dramatically in our lives now.  I know that things are still chaotic with our war on the Legion at this point and we both know that things can change dramatically with that situation.  We may not have all the time in the world to do all the things that we want, however, if we’re both happy and healthy, we shouldn’t change things at this point.

I know that I am starting to feel like my Sindorei parent in the way that he would love to have a time of peace for a while.  He has spent his entire life being involved in wars and serving the Horde – he would like to have the time to just enjoy life with the concerns of a war adding stress to it.  I wonder if we will ever see that so-called peace in my lifetime?

Kaldor Shadowmoon

Shadowmoon Valley…


December 23rd

Dear Journal,

I will willingly admit that neither Kae nor I wanted to make this trip to Draenor, however, duty calls and there was no way that we could justify not serving.  A Sentinel is always a Sentinel and a Scout with the aforementioned Sentinel has no excuse not to go with them either.

I think that we had everything pretty much taken care of in Pandaria for the most part and I hope that Jogu will take care of the farm while we are gone too.  I have no great expectations on his abilities, however, he was the only one left that we could ask since the majority of our neighbors are also in the same situation of having to leave that pleasant lifestyle behind and we have to move forward with the rest.  Oh well, I am sure that we will be going back there for visits when we can and that first visit back will definitely be one that the two of us will definitely look forward too.

This whole Draenor thing is hard for me to wrap my head around and I am not going to worry about it because I will just go where we are ordered and do the job that I am supposed to do and be done with it eventually.  Oh, I understand all of the supposed reasons that we are here and will just have to accept that at face value because I have no other choice in the matter.  I guess that sums that up, right?

Kae and I did survive the initial onslaught into this strange land and we didn’t get injured too badly other than a few nicks here and there and a couple of interesting bruises that can come from just getting into close contact with someone, didn’t even have to be friend or foe either – it was as if we had joined in a full on mob assault and that’s just how it had to be in order for us to drive back the Iron Horde and to start our adventure in saving this land from itself.  Not as bad as all of the Sha influence in Pandaria but I honestly can’t tell that much difference – we’re here to right a wrong and that’s just the whole gist of what I understand.  It’s not for me to reason why, I’m here to do a job.

I will have to admit that after the initial shock and the landing on Draenor proper, we were pleasantly surprised by ending up in Shadowmoon Valley.  Oh, we had the family name long before we even knew of the existence of Shadowmoon, however, it always gives me a chuckle when I think about it.  One of these days I will have to ask my grandparents where the name actually came from, it definitely didn’t come from Outland, or maybe it did and I would almost believe that it didn’t come from this land either.

Shadowmoon Valley is so totally different from what I am used to in Azeroth, however, it is still somewhat familiar at the same time.  I don’t know how to explain that feeling of déjà vu that I have here.  Where the Shadowmoon Valley in Azeroth is full of demons, lava and other dangerous things, this Shadowmoon Valley has a different appearance as well as a whole new set of dangers.   Some of the mountains look familiar in so far as their location, however the rest of the landscape is totally alien to me.

This Shadowmoon Valley is rolling hills, mountains and very lush plains.  A lot of elekk roam the area as well as I’ve seen more Draeni here than I think I ever did even while I was living in Shattrath.  The Draeni that are native here on Draenor are similar to the Azeroth Draeni with the exception that there are more of them here than there was at home. The ones here don’t seem to be as aloof as the Draeni that I grew up with in Shattrath.

It’s a beautiful and yet dangerous territory that we have ventured into and I will have to admit that I do like it.  There is so much to see and so much to take in that it is really hard for me to explain the mixed emotions that I have about it.  Of course, Pandaria was my first military adventure and my first real time away from the family and the company, however, this even feels like it might be a step above that.

I know that Kae is constantly telling me to close my mouth because I am constantly amazed by all of the things that I am seeing here  and my mouth usually drops open making me look like an imbecile sometimes – things familiar and yet different from what I grew up with in our Outland.  How could a place so horrible and deadly in my home world be so beautiful and alluring as this Shadowmoon Valley currently is.  I guess what I am trying to say that I know that the things that Legion did before I was ever even born totally devastated the area and the people that were living in it.  While the old place is one that I never willingly spent much time in, this one just might be hard for me to pull myself away from it all at the same time.

Oh yes, the Iron Horde have left their mark on the area and we are still chasing after them as well as getting into the occasional skirmish with them when we chance upon them on our patrols.  It does remind me very much of the activity that we faced when we first hit Pandaria and the opposition that we had to overcome in the Jade Forest.   I know that there are a few strongholds here in the valley that the Iron Horde have built up, however, they are definitely a temporary roadblock for us, I’m sure.  I am proud to say that the Alliance is definitely showing their abilities to our advantage here – maybe all of those months in Pandaria have taught us all how to take this sort of thing in our stride.

At least Kae and I have a decent little house to stay in and it really kind of reminds me of some of the places that are on the outskirts of Stormwind.  Same kind of structures although they still smell very new – the smell of the freshly carpentered wood that was used to make the house is still very aromatic.  Yes, we do have to share the house with another couple, however, it is much better for us rather than being stuck in the barracks or the tents.  At least we have some privacy here and it is greatly appreciated.

Kae and I both miss our little house in Pandaria where we could be lazy and sit around in our robes if we felt like it and not have to be embarrassed by doing so.  I know that the couple we are sharing the place with are usually on opposite schedules than we are and we actually don’t spend that much time in their company, however, the time that we have spent with them has been very pleasant.

I know that my Father is up here in Draenor someplace however, I did hear that their landing area was a lot less inviting than where we ended up.  I know that my Dad probably isn’t too keen on spending all of this time in an icy cold area that almost looks like Northrend.  He always complained when we were in Northrend, not in Dalaran, that there wasn’t any way that you could ever get warm enough there on the coast and I have to agree with him on that matter.

At least I don’t have too many people looking at me as strangely as they did in Pandaria because we are all too busy staying alive.  I think that there must be some reason when they are so willing to accept a person of my heritage in this land than they were before in Azeroth.   I have to laugh because they may not have noticed it  either because the green in my eyes could very easily be a reflection from the surroundings and not a genetic thing after all, right?

At least our patrols aren’t as long as they were in Pandaria due to the vastness and the newness of the area.  It isn’t easy to stay on your toes for days on end when you’re patrolling the surrounding areas from our base.  We’ve just barely started getting into the interior of the land now and those patrols are pretty dangerous and have been given over to some of the more experienced Sentinels and Scouts.  It’s okay, I can accept that too because I think that Kae and I fall in the middle there somewhere on the experience level.  At least we didn’t get assigned to that idiot commander that we had in Pandaria this time because that would have been the final straw to break our backs after having to leave our happy little farm behind.   We’re with a totally different group that came out of Feathermoon in Kalimdor, they seem to be more about what we’re supposed to be doing and not willing to spend so much of the off time worrying about how people are living their lives when they aren’t on duty.  It’s a nice change and the kind of thing that I had always expected from the Sentinels.

Well, I am getting that look from my lovely lady that I need to put my things away and get ready to head back out on yet another patrol.  I wonder how long we will be in Draenor?  No one has actually said anything about that either.  I know that we still have forces stationed in and around Pandaria even after all of this time, however, I think that the hostilities may be of lesser importance there than they are here.  Well, we’re still chasing after that Horde Warchief that went insane and escaped after his capture – that’s why we’re here.  He did his level best to destroy Azeroth and I don’t think that he is going to have much of an opportunity to destroy this land too.

Kaldor Shadowmoon

 

A Time For Change…


December 9th

Dear Journal,

Well, I guess that our peaceful times in Pandaria are drawing quickly to a close because I’ve just been informed that I need to report back to Stormwind for assignment.  Kae also got a letter to report back too, at least, we might get assigned together. That sure didn’t take long did it?  I suppose that it’s not unexpected considering the amount of noise the rumors had been making and now, we have the issues going on in the Blasted Lands.   There truly was a reason that they called this place “The Blasted Lands” to start with because it was adjacent to the Dark Portal where the battles were fought in Outland with the Dark Legion.  This was all written up in the history books that I’m sure that the majority of us have read and yet, it never truly went away did it.

I know that I was one of those people that thought that with the defeat and the capture of the Warchief would have been the end of things for a while, however, there doesn’t seem to be much of a respite is there?  I was not present in Pandaria for this so-called trial that was held there and possibly it is a  good thing that I wasn’t because it may not have ended well. I know that the news coming from the Temple set us all reeling – Garrosh had escaped.  What with all of the security in place not only furnished by all of the known leaders in the world of Azeroth, there were also security put into place by the Pandaren and the Celestials.  One would have thought that all of the bases were covered, however, that was not to be because the infiltrator was staunchly already installed in the controlling area. What a horrific outcome to such an emotionally charged historical event.

I wish it were possible for me to just step away and make myself believe that none of this actually happened and that things were just as they were.  I can make myself deny just about anything, however, I don’t think that I can even pull this off.  Sure, you can lie to other people, if you so desire, however, the one person that you can’t lie too is yourself.  Lying to oneself and then forcing yourself to believe that lie is something that I’m sure that books have been written about.  Making your fantasy into your reality is a hard-fought  goal in life, however, if that goal was started off as lie – then everything that you have done in your life is false, regardless if you have reached that goal.

I think that I understand why my Father is the way that he is because his entire life has been involved in the politics of Azeroth and the military, even if, he didn’t want it to be.   Yes, he told me years ago that I had better enjoy any respites that came my way between the conflicts of the factions because there truly was never any real long-lasting peace between the Horde and the Alliance.  I wish that things were different and I thought the fight we were waging in Pandaria might have taught us all something – that the anger and the hatred that we have felt for each of the factions has done nothing except to breed more evil in the world.  I think that I was a fool for having that kind of hope or dream because it definitely hasn’t come to pass.

I had noticed that a lot of the farms that we had in the area are being turned back over to the Pandaren and thought possibly that some of the owners had been reassigned to other regions, however, I now know that all of the rumors were real and I just kept burying my head in the sand.  The few civilians that are left here in Pandaria are all getting rather anxious because it is as if we’re all waiting for the other shoe to drop.    I know that it isn’t often that I have had to change my plans in my life, however, this is the price you pay for being an adult in this world.  It’s time for me to put away my youthful dreams and to face the realities of this world.

I know that Kae and I have worked ourselves to death to get this farm the way that we wanted it and now it appears as if we are going to have to hand it over to someone to care for us while we are away.  We’re not selling the farm, I will never sell the farm because it is truly the very first thing that I have ever truly owned.  I know that Kae feels the same way because she isn’t very happy about being uprooted and told that she has to move again.  She’s never really had a home like I have and this is the first time that she had ever felt comfortable enough to put down roots.  Now, all of that is for naught and we both have to say our farewells to the people that we have befriended and have come to love over time.

I wish we had more time before we have to report to Stormwind because I would like to roam around in some of my favorite spots in Pandaria and just memorize everything  so that I will have something to look back on when I need it.  Yes, I think we all have memories that we have to cling too sometimes to keep our sanity in times of stress, in times of war, in times of losing out dreams.

I suppose I had better finish pack up my things that need to take so that Kae and I can make the journey to Stormwind.  I’m sure that my Mother is already well aware of the things that have been going on and is already making her preparations to rejoin the Sentinels if needed.

May Elune guide our steps in our future endeavors to guard our families and homes.

Kaldor Shadowmoon

The Seasons Are Changing


September 15

Dear Journal,

Kae and I went to the Wayfarer’s Festival last night in Krasarang and had a great time even if we did get soaked to the skin. I can’t believe how much it was raining and what had been a warm day turned into a rather chilly and wet evening for the both of us. I know that we have always laughed about the fact that it rains more in Krasarang than any other place in Pandaria, however, last night I swear it the rain even followed us home.  At least we didn’t have to deal with the lightning even if we did have to deal with some drunken Horde there at the beach.

I know that my Father is Sindorei, however, he has always conducted himself as a gentleman around Kae or any other woman for that matter.  I know that last night some drunken Sindorei was constantly trying to flirt with Kae even if he didn’t realize that she could understand most of what he was saying and I could tell by the set of her mouth that we needed to move away from him or something before she dropped her bow off of her back and just shot him.  He had no clue that we both understood his language and I will have to admit that I was pleased as can be when I finally gave him a retort that he wasn’t expecting.  I told him in his own tongue what I would do to his mother and his sister if and when I ever happened to meet them.  I think he blushed to the tips of his ears and I could tell that he was more than shocked and angry when I saw the tears welling up in his eyes.   Didn’t mean to hurt his little feelings, however, I didn’t want him to think that he was getting away with insulting my woman either.

We both enjoyed the music and the drinking as well as some of the food that we had brought along for the occasion.  We ended up sharing that food with some complete strangers, which was kind of nice and different.  They weren’t Sentinels and they weren’t Scouts, just other people that were members of the Alliance.  I think that we may have made some new friends and we exchanged our information as to where we lived and so on.  It was really a very peaceful social event that I think that Kae and I actually needed because I think we have both been working too hard on the farm and trying to keep things going at an even pace.

I know that when I woke up this morning and started the coffee that it occurred to me that I actually needed to go put on a robe because the air was rather brisk and there was a certain chill in the air.  Naturally, I did warm up the place a little bit by lighting the stove while Kae seemed to snuggle down deeper into the furs on the bed.  Lazy woman, not really, I know that I will probably take some time to get in a nap today too because I am tired.

After we got home last night, the first thing we both did was to take a nice hot bath and then headed to bed to snuggle up under the furs to get rid of that chilled to the bone feeling from all of the rain and the ride back home.  I’ll admit that I had some trouble waking up this morning too because I think I could have slept my entire life away.

With the chill in the air this morning, this is the first real hint that we’ve had that we’re winding down out of this nice long Summer season and we’re getting into the beginning of Fall.  Yes, the days have gotten a tad bit shorter, however, the air is what tells me that we’re heading into the cooler seasons.   I know that it has been a great Summer and we’ve gotten a lot of work done on the farm along with filling our contracts so that we have some extra money saved up for a few things that we are planning on doing this Winter.  Well, one of the things that I am looking forward too is taking some time off and finally go exploring outside of Pandaria, like maybe even Northrend.

 

Kaldor Shadowmoon

 

 

Making Plans for the Future


August 11th

Dear Journal,

Oh, it has definitely been a while since I’ve written anything in my journal, however, things have been a bit busy – what with the farm, working for the company as well as trying to spend more time with Kae.  Yeah, we’ve had our ups and downs, however, I think that we have finally come to a compromise that might work out better for the two of us.

I don’t travel to Stormwind as often as I was there for a while and I do have to admit that it is a lot easier to haul a large shipment down there as it is to haul a little one.  Of course, I’ve found some of the other employees up here in Pandaria and that makes it easy to put my shipments with theirs to Stormwind or they can put theirs with mine.  It all works out and the money is distributed correctly by our trusty Magdamia.

Oh yes, Kae and I did go to the Faire and I will admit that we had more fun this time than we have in quite a while. I think we are both more relaxed now that we’ve resolved some of our other issues and we can get back to enjoying each other’s company too.  I know there was a time period there when I just didn’t want to even come back to the farm sometimes.  I am assuming that Kae felt the same way too sometimes because we weren’t getting along all that well there for a while.   I know that we both know how to verbally battle, although, I will admit that I have never gone after Kae in a fit of temper to do her physical harm.

We have been able to spend some time with my Mom and my Dad in the last couple of weeks since they are staying here in Pandaria for a while.  I know that Kae always gets this weird look on her face when she looks at my Dad and I often wonder what it is that she is thinking.  Sure, he’s a nice looking man for a Blood Elf and the women that I have seen come up and talk to him are always flirting shamelessly, however, he loves my Mom and I think that he knows better than to do anything up here where I might find out about it.  I love the man as my Father but there are times when I wonder what he is thinking too.

Kae said something the other day that kind of distressed me because it has to do with my appearance.  I have used lenses for quite a while to hide the green in my eyes, however, in the last few years, I haven’t done it as much.  I figure that if people see the green, they might think that it is something in the surroundings that we might be in that is being reflected in my eyes.  What distressed me is that she said that as I am aging, the green is starting to be more predominate in my eyes.  That’s not a good thing for me because I like to go to Stormwind, Darnassus and anywhere anyone might want to go that is in the Alliance.   I think that I will ask some of my friends that know what I am, a man of mixed heritage, and see if they share her opinion.  If the green is showing more, I’ll have to be more cautious about things or see if I can find something other than those lenses to cover them.

I am also sitting here and looking at the fact that Kae and I have been together coming up on two years – sometimes it doesn’t seem that long and sometimes it seems much longer.  I guess most couples feel that way and I did mention it to my Mother and she just smiled and said that it was normal to feel that way.  She’s much better at coping with things than I am, I tend to be a little hotheaded at times and that has caused Kae and I to have some problems.  I also get a little bit stubborn, which I know I inherited it from both of my parents on that one. Anyway, I am just sitting here thinking that we ought to do something special to celebrate how long we’ve been together although it isn’t that long when you think about the years that we have facing us now.  Should I take her to Northrend and show her some of the places that I like up there and even go to Dalaran and eat at that fancy restaurant or should we go to Outland and go camping?  There are so many places that I would like to take that I know that she hasn’t experienced yet with her tenure in the Sentinels.  She’s only gone where she’s been assigned and I think a large part of that is due to the fact that she didn’t have money to travel like I did as I got older.  I’m sure that I will figure something out.

Kal

 

 

Only Make Promises You Can Keep


June 12th

Dear Journal,

After going through  the hellfire of making Kae angry at me the last time and having her leave was enough for me to reconsider a few things that I have been doing in the past few months.  To be honest, I thought that she was gone for good because I had made promises that I didn’t keep and I know that it hurt her deeply because I could see the sadness in her eyes as well as the anger when she left. I’m just happy that we are back together and I hope that we can put the past behind us without too much trouble.   I do know that there will always be a shadow on our relationship though because once you violate the rules, some of that trust is gone.

I know that my Mom was none too pleased with me as well because I had to go into Stormwind to get the repairs done to my armor after my last escapade.  I didn’t think twice about putting it on the company’s accounts either because it is a practice that I have always done.  I suppose that the smithy’s apprentice went to the office to make sure that it was okay to go over the price limit that was normally the case for people using the account.

The next thing I know, there is my Mother standing next to my table at the Blue Recluse where Vashlan and I had gone to have a few drinks and some dinner before I went back to Pandaria after picking up my repaired armor.  I could tell that she was angry just by the way that she was standing there with hands on her hips and her eyes were definitely steely.  Vash and I asked her to join us for a drink and that’s when she started talking to me in very clipped sentences.  There was no scene, no loud shouting, which I might have been able to endure a bit better, however, the low conversation carried quite an impact.

I guess that Magdamia got the notice from the blacksmith and hot-hoofed to wherever my Mom was in the building and off the went to the blacksmith to see the armor before the repairs were done. So Mom saw the damages, the acid burns as well as  a few deeply scored areas which really upset her quite a bit, however, she approved the repairs and set off to find me, which she did.

I explained to her what was going on and the way that her mouth kept popping open and closed she almost made me start laughing because she looked very much like a fish out of water.   Yes, I was involved in some pretty strange stuff and we had overcome the adversary without loss of life, however, we all sustained damages of some sort or another.  I was intelligent enough not to start laughing because I might have ended up wearing the pewter tankards that were on the table.  One does not laugh at my Mother unless she is intentionally being funny and you know it.   She did let me know that in the future that any wear and tear above and beyond the normal wear and tear should be paid for out of my own funds unless it was company related.

Of course, she was all ears when I told that Kae had left me for a time due to my activities with my friends and that she had come home.  I think Mom almost said “I told you so” a couple of times, however, she refrained from doing that because Vashlan was sitting there being all ears.  I was a little bit put out that Mother insisted that we discuss these things in front of my brother, however, I can also see that Mom was using that as a training tool for Vashlan too since he has been misbehaving a little bit recently.

I know after the discussion was had and my Mom’s opinion got put in the proper place, like right between my ears, I told them that I wasn’t going to spend the night in Stormwind and would be heading back to Halfhill as soon as my armor was finished.

I’ll admit that it felt strange for me not to go to the Pig to see how my friends were doing and to see what was going on, however, I decided that I had better forego that thought for a while because it has caused me enough trouble in the last few months and that it was about to cause me to lose the one thing that I hold very dear and that is Kaelendra.  Yep, I’m going to toe the mark for a while and build up the trust again so that Kae will feel better and so will I.  No, I’m not caving in to Kae’s wants and desires, I’m doing what is right to keep our relationship together.  I’m still my own man and will do what I think is the right thing to do, however, in the future, I won’t make promises that I can’t keep.

 

Kaldor Shadowmoon 

Learning To Compromise…


May 20th

Dear Journal,

Well, I finally located Kae and we had a nice long discussion and I have to agree with her that I have been extremely selfish about some things.   We’ve been together for quite a while and we have enjoyed that time together for the most part.  I think what has been going on is that I am doing things now that I should have done at a much younger age because I don’t feel like I have any consequences for my actions.  Well, the thing is that I do.

I’m old enough now and free enough that when someone that I care about starts putting out rules for me to follow or this happens – like leaving me – or if I do something that they don’t approve of, they feel they have the right to wreck havoc in my life, I tend to rebel. When I was growing up, my Mother was very strict and when my Father weighed in, I knew that I was in for some serious trouble, however, with Kae – her threat is that she will leave.  I love her, however, you can’t keep me a prisoner to my own emotions either. I did have to remind Kae that I am a grown man, we do have an unspoken commitment to one another and it’s something that we’re going to be working on.

Yes, she did give up being a Sentinel, however, that was her choice and not mine to make for her.   She could have stayed with the group if she had truly felt that way, however, she decided that she didn’t like it without me being there with her.  I was not cut out to be a Sentinel Scout for the rest of my life – I think I have too much pride and independence to fit that mold for very long and it flared up there at the last.  I have a huge respect for some of the Sentinels, however, you have to earn my respect just like anyone else would have to do.

Kae, I respect and will honor some of her wishes, however, I am not going to give up my life to make her happy.  She has a much right to go out and spend time with other people away from me too, I’ve told her that repeatedly and if she chooses not to do so, that’s her problem and I won’t allow it to become mine.

As you can plainly tell, I am still a bit upset about some of conversation and I willingly admit that she had some good points, however, some of them were nonsense.  She wasn’t a clinging vine kind of woman when we were in the group in Krasarang and I can’t see the reason why she is trying to do so now.

My Dad always told that he never had felt like Mom was trying to control him and that’s why they have stayed together for so long, not to mention that they still love one another quite deeply.  I think that my Mom’s thoughts on the issues was probably more on the mark though, she told me that she has learned how to compromise, however, it has to be a two way agreement between the parties involved.  Oh, I know that my parents are not perfect, they have arguments and they have had other issues in the past that they have overcome, however, it seems like for the most part, they seem to be happy.

I will admit that I was worried that she had left me because she was gone for a week before I finally found her in one of our old haunts in the Jade Forest.  Let’s just say that I neglected a lot of things just so I could find her and talk to her.   I can understand how she felt, I made a promise to her about doing certain things and I broke that promise, however, I did remind her that even though I promised, I am not perfect.  Now, I’m busting my behind to get the farm back into shape again, Jogu helped out quite a bit, however, there is just too much for one person to do to keep it looking like it should.

I hope that we can get things worked out, however, this whole thing has started me rethinking making any kind of long term commitment again.  I just can’t put myself through this kind of heartache just because I’ve done something that displeases Kae.   She’s done a few things in the past that have definitely displeased me, however, I didn’t take off and not come back or not let her know where I was.  There we go, there’s the compromise thing, it can’t be just one person doing it – it takes two to make a relationship.

I have spent my whole morning, it’s raining like crazy in Halfhill at the moment, just letting my thoughts hinge on things that may be irrelevant to others, however, sometimes when I write things down on paper, I can get a better grasp on it.  I know that I am going to try to keep this relationship going and do my best to make it work, however, Kae is going to have to change some her things too.  We’ll see what happens.

Kaldor Shadowmoon