*Might have some salty language or descriptions…been a while but we all know how Fnar talks. *
I will have to admit that I have spent the last year in mourning for the loss of my family and this last Holiday Season was probably the worst on record for me. I have been depressed before, but I was contemplating just ending it all to free my soul, heart and mind from the terrible sadness and loneliness that I have endured for the last year. It has not been a pleasant time for me nor any of the people that have been forced to be around me. I am sure that I was not the most pleasant of company along with the drinking binges that I would go on.
Fnor was going to do the whole family thing in Nagrand and I was invited but was hesitating about attending since I know his kid sister would be there and I didn’t want to have to be on-guard to avoid her affections without being rude to her. There is nothing that can disrupt a friendship faster than involvement with one of the friend’s family members. She’s okay, appearances are that she is very attractive until you get to know her personality a bit better. Beauty can truly be skin deep and when the selfish self-centered side shows up, it can be ugly with a pretty package to tempt the latest victims. I have known for years that she was infatuated with me; however, I was hoping that she would outgrown that mindset, which she hasn’t. I know that there have been times when Fnor and I have distanced ourselves from one another after some of her embarrassing blow-ups concerning me.
Of course, I had made plans to be busy during the holidays and stay to myself at the Garrison in Draenor. I had planned a nice party for all the people there and we had everything all decorated up so that none of us would feel like we were left out. I never realized how many of my people didn’t go home for the holidays because they felt more comfortable there with the others. It’s almost like having a family on an extra level, which is kind of nice when you’ve been raised in an orphanage like Felessa and I were. Even though we all can travel back and forth between Azeroth and Draenor now, it was kind of odd that, so many opted to stay here. At least I wasn’t going to be alone and I wouldn’t have to see the other people’s children unless they invited them here.
Naturally, I felt like things were just going to be the same as they have been for the last year and I would be spending the time alone, off to myself and trying to sort things out in mind again. I know that I have mourned for Romy and the kids long enough and I need to get my feet back on the ground and start over again. No, I haven’t given up on finding them and I will continue to search for them and keep hoping that I will be able to finally get some closure one way or another. I feel like I have been living in a dream that I couldn’t wake up from, no matter how hard I tried, and this was the Light’s way of letting me know that I didn’t treat things the way that I should have. I know that I cherished Romy more than any woman that I have ever been involved with and my heart keeps aching for her and there are times that I do weep for the loss of my children.
Maybe staying away from the farm has been good for me too, giving myself time to heal before I try to make my way there again and try to resume life for myself. Having the farm there gives me a place to go and a place to try to put down roots and a place where I can have a life without all the social tribulations that seem to happen amongst my own kind. Pandaria gave me an inner peace that I haven’t ever found anywhere else, a sense of tranquility that just seemed to make everything seem more precious to me.
I will have to admit that I am still really kind of creeped out with the dream that I had the last time I was at the farm because it seemed so real and I know that I wanted to sleep more and try to relive that dream again. Sure, it was a typical man’s dream, however, it just seemed so right to have Romy in my arms again and to be able to touch her, even in a dream, the woman has a fire of her own that I don’t think that anyone could ever put out. I know that if I ever get involved with anyone again, it will be extremely difficult not to make comparisons to Romy – I know, that could be a death knell to any relationship, however, she is the only woman that I truly gave all my love too – she was really my life and my soulmate.
I still wish that Romy and I could have gotten married before she disappeared. I know that we were both anti-marriage when it was just the two of us because we didn’t think about the social aspects of not being married and having children. I know that we wanted everything for our daughter and, now, for our son. I wonder what my boy looked like? You see, I had never seen him and the only thing that I have of his is the little bootie that was found at the Zeppelin crash site. I’m sure that we would have had some portraits done when Romy and the kids got home again – will they ever be home?
Now that the holidays are over, and everyone is happy with how things went, I’m sure that we will all get back into our routines. It’s about time for me to head to Orgrimmar and possibly Silvermoon to pick up any materials for the Garrison that the Horde can spare for the forgotten people stationed out there.
I hope that I can catch up with Fnor while I’m in either Orgrimmar or SMC because he and I need to catch up on some things and see how we are going to go forward with the company. I know that he has been spending most of his time in the Broken Isle fighting demons – I lucked out and didn’t have to report there just yet. I know that I am not looking forward to fighting demons any time soon because I still remember the remnants of them in Outland and we have our own issues with them filtering into Draenor now and then. I think evil and vile doesn’t adequately describe how I feel when I see traces of them and the foul Fel that they seem to bring with them and leave behind to mark the territory as their own.
I think I might apply for some leave so that I can go to Pandaria for a while, I’ll just have to keep my eye out for Faendra and make sure to keep my distance from that conniving bitch.