Drinking and Dreams…

April 3rd


Dear Journal,

Oh, I do have to have a nice long talk with myself about drinking and going down memory lane with some of my friends.  While it was all done in good fun and we all had a great deal to talk about our past life experiences, I know I consumed way too much mead.  It was great being able to socialize with some of the others and finding out things that I didn’t already know about them, personality quirks and the like.  I know that I enjoyed the time, however, the only thing I have to cling too this morning is this incredible headache from all of the fun.

I know that I don’t usually hang out that often in Darnassus with my kind because it can be rather depressing and always stirs up my memories of things that I have lost since the fall of Gilneas.  There are still quite a few of us that think that there is an actual cure for the Curse and are still bemoaning the fact that they can’t live as they used too.  Well, I am one of the people that knows that there isn’t a cure for what ails us and if we are going to continue on in this new life, we need to put that yearning behind us and get on with life.  It’s not easy and we will always have those regrets of times gone by, however, that is not what the Fates had in store for us.

I did have some very strange dreams last night and I blame it on the mead and I blame it on the fact that I haven’t seen Felley in a while and I miss her more than I would have ever thought possible.  I know that we agreed a long time ago that we could and should go out on our own and do things without constantly being in the pack, however, I think it has been long enough now and she should come back home for a while.   I know that I truly miss those talks that we used to have when we were alone, I miss her laughter and “that look” I would get when I over-reacted to something.

My dreams were rather disturbing last night and that may be why I have this longing for Felley to be home again.  I was in that dream world revisiting things that I had thought that I had put behind me, however, they resurfaced with a vengeance.  I know that I spent most of the dream searching for my wife and daughters and reliving those horrible times where I thought I might have found evidence that they were still alive.  I know that I fought like a madman against becoming what I eventually became, however, last night’s dreams made it almost unbearable when I awakened this morning.   Ah well, I won’t spend all of my time dwelling on the past, it isn’t healthy and it sure won’t change anything.


It Does Get Lonely Waiting Behind…

October 11th

Dear Journal,

Ah yes, it’s been quite a while since I’ve last written, however, these are busy times and there are many things to occupy my time.  The one thing that seems to occupy my time more often than not is the pack.  It keeps growing and sometimes I wonder what I am doing with this many in my group.  Of course, I do depend on Felley quite a bit to help me out sometimes, however, she has her hands full as well because she has decided to go out adventuring on her own a bit more these days.

There are times that I would be more than willing to put all of this aside and go off adventuring with her.  We’ve been together for quite a while and I will admit that I wouldn’t change a single thing about our time together with the exception of the fact that I would like to make our relationship a bit more formal, however, I don’t think that she would go along with that right now.

Felley knows that I still think about my wife and children that I lost in Gilneas, however, after the last year or so, I’ve actually stopped looking for them.  It was extremely difficult for me to give up on my old life, however, the logic of the situation finally registered fully on my mind.  There isn’t a chance that my family survived the fall of our homeland and it’s rather doubtful that they survived the Curse even if it did befall them.  Not everyone can adapt to that big change in their lives with their sanity intact.  I know this from my experience with some of the people that I have gotten to know since my arrival in Darnassus.

We did try to make the transition over to Stormwind for a short time, however, it was one of those things that just wasn’t meant to be due to the fact that some of the members of the pack couldn’t’ adapt to the city life without causing undo problems.   Rather than break the pack up and leave some of the youngsters behind, Felley and I, decided to bring the group back to Darnassus and to Dark Shore.  At least here people can kind of expect some of the social accidents that will happen with a young wolf, be they female or male – we all have our problems.  Sometimes the younger males will want to try to challenge my patience with the pack, however, that is usually short-lived and they have the choice of staying with the pack under my leadership and they can move on to another pack and try their luck there.  I know that Felley and I coddle some of our youngsters, however, they are the only children that we will ever have.

I do know that I haven’t seen or heard of anyone of our kind having children of our own since the Curse.  Maybe that ability to propagate has been taken away from us along with the Curse, no one really knows and it isn’t something that we discuss with one another.   There are a few people here from Gilneas that were not affected by the Curse but they are indeed a rarity and I will admit that there are times that I am somewhat envious of them having new families here in this land.  If only we hadn’t allowed ourselves to be cut off from the rest of society for so long that we lost touch with the reality of the situation of the lands and factions.

Oh well, all of that is hindsight and you know what they say about that.  I will have to admit that I have learned an awful lot from my mate in the last year.  I can read and cipher as well as she can even though I don’t have the formal education that her family afforded her before the changes happened.

From all of the rumors that seem to be floating around Darnassus, it does appear as though we’re in for some new and exciting changes as well as an opportunity to engage in some adventures with some of the old foes.  It may be rumor, however, not one to hide from adversity, I think that I will have my little pack ready for whatever may be looming on the horizon.

I hope that Felley will make her way back home before too much longer, I know that I miss her more than anyone could even fathom.  I guess I have let go of my past and I am looking forward to embracing the future if it’s not too late.  Who knows, she may have found another in her adventures to some of these distant places although I will have to admit that her letters are as warm as ever, they still aren’t quite the same as having her here with me.






Accepting Things For What They Are…

January 22nd

Dear Journal,

It has been months since I have taken the time to write in my journal, however, with this being a very cold and blustery day this morning, I think that I will take some time to sit by the stove and write for a few minutes.   I do dread the thought of getting out there in the cold icy rain even though setting the wolf free keeps me warmer than any clothing that I might have on.

This last year has flown by as if it had wings and so many things have happened that it makes it difficult sometimes to realize that as each month passed we were getting closer to starting a new year in this land.  I know that some of the older people long to return to return to Gilneas, however, I can remember how things were there and haven’t let those memories draw me into melancholy as some have.  I remember how it would rain and snow there and it seemed as if it never ended until Spring started bringing forth the new flowers.

We have been busy with the Pack, Oak and I.  I think that we have done right well with the group that we currently have.  We have had no trouble within our ranks and things have been plentiful.  We did go to Stormwind and started doing work for that import/export company that we found there.  The contracts seem to be many and we seem to fill them almost as quickly as we pick them up.  Sometimes Oak and I both go to Stormwind to deliver the goods and pick up new contracts that always seem to be awaiting us there.  It isn’t so bad working for a Night Elf woman, however, the Draeni that manages things for her is a bit on the rude side sometimes.  I know that she has tried to short shift us a couple of times, however, Oak is very good with figures and has been able to call her on it.

When we do make the trip to Stormwind, we can’t help but look at some of the available apartments and houses that are there that might be affordable to us.  However, we haven’t been able to find one that suits our needs just yet.  We don’t want to separate ourselves from the rest of the pack and would like to find a place large enough to accommodate all.  Oak says that we might have to wait another year before we will have enough money saved up or we might want to wander further afield than Stormwind and get a home in one of the smaller towns near there.  That is almost more appealing to me because Stormwind is very crowded these days with mercenaries and other people.

We have all been very busy this Fall and Winter, filling those contracts, and learning more about this land we’re in.  Oak says that the game here is definitely more plentiful than what we had in Gilneas, although some of the old timers will argue that point with him.  I know that haven’t wanted for anything and we always have food on our tables.

Oak was very sad the other day when he came home because he had gone to talk to some of his old friends and they didn’t seem to be even trying to fit in.  They are just living on what the Night Elves are kind enough to give them.  They sit under the tree and talk about the old times and how things were, the nobles, the peasants alike.  I don’t recall Gilneas being as grand as some of them seem to recall, however, I won’t argue with them, let them view the old world with their rose colored glasses.

Yes, I do miss the old life, however, I wouldn’t be doing some of the things that I am doing now if I were still there.  If it weren’t for the Curse striking when it did, I would have probably been attending balls looking for possible suitors to marry. Oh, I might have even been married by now and might have had children.  No, I would have more than likely been working with my Father and learning more of the things that a “wife” should know to run a proper household.

I do have to laugh sometimes because I can still sew the finer things and make them as pretty as I did back home when I have the time, when I’m not running with Oak and the rest of the pack.  I know that I have wondered many times what will become of us in the future, however, I don’t look too hard because I just want to see the pleasant things.  Life is not bad for me in this new land, I’m an equal with all of the others, no better and no worse.

I think about how things were in Gilneas sometimes and am very thankful that we have left that behind.  I know that if things were as they were back home, I would never have been with Oak and I would never know what it was like to have a man that would sit by a fireside and talk with me as an equal.  I would have been relegated to something else, talking with the other ladies at parties until my betrothed or husband decided that it was fitting for us to be on the dance floor.  No, I definitely prefer this life where I actually feel more comfortable.

Naturally, Oak laughs at me when we start talking and my education shows up from time to time.  Oak can read and write, however, he doesn’t take the joy from reading a book like I do because he has never had the time to sit down and really relax with one.  If this weather keeps up, I may go to the library and get a few books for all of us to read.  I do need to teach some of our young ones their letters – seems they didn’t make it to school at home because their families had no money. At least now these young ones have opportunities to better themselves without the old social barriers standing in their way.

Oh, we keep hearing that this person or that person has discovered a cure for the Curse, however, I think that we have all reconciled ourselves to the fact that this is how it is going to be.  At least our young ones have learned how to control themselves when we take them to Stormwind, no more accidental releasing of the wolf in the middle of the market like we used to have.  One of the rules that we have in the pack is that we do not show the wolf when we are in crowds of humans, dwarves and gnomes – we maintain our human form.  Even after all of this time, I know that some of the people are still unnerved by our ability to shape shift and I think that are extremely frightened of the beast.

Occasionally we do hear about the conflicts in Kalimdor and how the Horde seems to be imploding, however, I hope that Oak isn’t slipping off and fighting with the Sentinels as much as he once was.  I know that he tried to keep it a secret from me, however, there have been a few times when he had to explain away an injury that needed a bandage or stitching – he kept trying to tell me that he miss-stepped or some such nonsense but I know an arrow wound when I see it.  Besides, I know my man well enough to know that he isn’t that clumsy even when he has had a few drinks under his belt.

No, we haven’t gotten married yet and I don’t know if that will ever come to pass.  I know he loves me in his own way, however, I think that in his heart, he is still mourning for his wife and daughters.  I’ve never had children, so, I don’t know how it feels to lose one, however, I have lost my entire family and I have times that mourning never seems to want to end.  I miss my Father’s laughter and the kind touches of my Mother as she would braid my hair and talk to me about what a wonderful life I would have when I made the proper match.  Poor Mother always hoped that I would be able to wed a noble and bring our family to a higher station in life.

Oh, it does look as though the weather is breaking finally and I can hear Oak coming up the front walk now.  I suppose that he will want to gather the pack and head to Kalimdor to do some hunting and skinning.  I hope we get a chance to stop and do some fishing while we are at it, I have a yearning for some fresh fish.




Haven’t Written In A While

July 1st

Dear Journal,

Here it is already a new month and things are pretty much status quo here in Darnassus.  Felley and I looked around Stormwind when we went visiting last and I think that we are going to stay in Darnassus for a good long while yet.

We found several different places to live in Stormwind; however, they were rather costly and would have taken the pack fund down to almost nothing, which is something that I refuse to do at this point.  We all know that winter is right around the corner and that the game is a little tougher to get at that point.  Not to mention, the pelts that we will need to sell in order to make it through the cold.  It’s going to be interesting this year.

I think that the pack as a whole is doing really well and the people are working together as a team.  I never realized how much of a disruption Sonshine was to the pack until after he left.  We’re a happy group and we all seem to get along rather well.

The good thing is by not taking a place to live in Stormwind, we were able to find suitable quarters for Abigayle and for Caldwic.  At least they aren’t living with us anymore all of the time.  I know that the lack of privacy was starting to make me a bit more than crazed.  Oh, don’t get me wrong, I enjoyed having them stay with us for a while; however, it was very cramped in there. 

I’m proud to announce that Abigayle and Caldwic have learned how to control their wolf forms a lot better.  Poor Caldwic had a terrible time with his and would slip into his Wolf without even thinking two seconds about it.  We all try to maintain our human forms when we are in cities or the towns to avoid any problems with the other humans which will arise once in a while.  There are people that still don’t understand that there are people living in those wolves that they throw stones at sometimes.

At least we’ve all made several trips to Stormwind to sell out pelts and to see the sights a few more times since I last wrote and we’re accumulating some extra money.  Naturally, anytime we go, the girls have to go shopping for a few things.  Felley has been getting a few bolts of cloth now and then to make some dresses for them, which will be nice when we are in town and they want to get dressed up a little bit.  We’ve made a few more friends in Stormwind, however, none that seem like we might want to join a pack with them or anything.

It sure does seem as though we do run into more packs all of the time these days.  There seem to be more Gilnean stranded far from home.  I keep thinking that maybe one of these days that we will be able t take our homeland back, however, that could be a long time down the road.  Of course, it won’t ever be the same place that we once lived either and we all realize that.  It’s just that even though we have been welcomed in Darnassus and Stormwind, you always feel like you don’t quite belong.

I know that sometimes when we are out in wilds hunting that our good friend Sonshine has been stalking us.  As far as I know, he hasn’t joined up with any other pack that are based out of Darnassus and that’s no wonder.  Word spread pretty quickly about his behavior in our pack and how he had treated Abigayle when they were together. 

That was indeed a sad situation and I do wish that Felley and I had known about what was really going on long before we did.  Not only was Sonshine taking all of Abigayle money that she earned, he was actually beating her on a regular basis if she didn’t have any money.  Of course, that’s where Caldwic became involve with things – he was Abigayle’s friend and he was trying to protect her from Sonshine.  He admits that it wasn’t much of a fight because he didn’t know how to control Wolf and Sonshine knew all of the right things to do to get him to turn.  Well, that’s over and done with and we shouldn’t have to deal with Sonshine McBride very often.  We just make sure that we all stay close together in the wilds and not give him a chance to attack any of us.  I don’t know what his purpose is other than to intimidate the two youngest members of the pack, however, it’s working.

I know that we have all gotten into kind of a routine with our hunting and that’s nice because that means we know what each of us is supposed to be doing on a given day and a given time.  No one seems to mind having at least one day’s rest in there in either because even though times might be hard, you need that one day where you can do whatever you want to do – or at least I do.

Of course, I still go help out the Sentinels now and again, which Felley still doesn’t know about because she would be upset that I am putting myself at risk each time I do one of these little mercenary duties.  It’s not all bad and the money is good and these Sentinels still don’t know what I look like in human form because I always “chance” upon them as the Wolf.

Well, I suppose that I should stop writing in my journal and get busy because our rest day was yesterday and I took full advantage of it.  I know that sleeping most of the day away wasn’t what some of the others had in mind, however, I was tired and that’s what I wanted to do with my free time.  Naturally, I got the tsk-tsk from Felley even if she was smiling when she did it.


Getting Away…Going To The Faire

June 7th

Dear Journal,

I know that I shouldn’t be laughing, however, I am.  Oak and I finally just told our pack that we needed some “alone” time and that we were going to the Faire.  I know that doesn’t sound very nice, however, we’re not old enough to be raising children, much less two children that have special needs – one from being abused and the other from being so new with his Curse that he sometimes has trouble maintaining control – he’s learning though.

We haven’t been alone in forever or so it seems sometimes, however, we couldn’t have these two youngsters living under the carriage in the Tree that the elves were nice enough to give to our people.  We had them move in with us and we’ve been looking for a suitable area for them to live that won’t be all that expensive.  I laughingly told Oak that we should get bunk beds in our room – I didn’t realize that he would take me literally and we got bunk beds. Silly man looked at me rather strangely when I told him I wasn’t climbing any ladders to get into bed with him.

We decided not to take the portal that you can take from Darnassus to the Faire and decided that we would take the boat – that cherry grog is one of my favorites and we both had a couple of mugs before we reached Stormwind. Oh, to be able to stand on the deck and feel the sea breeze and watch the water stream past the boat is one of my favorite things, maybe I would have married a sea captain or such, just so I could ride on the boat.

Ah, yes, Stormwind, it seems even more crowded than before and it’s not even a holiday or anything that I am aware of.  So many people in such a confined area make for some rather interesting times.  I know that we took our time going through the city and actually were able to drop off the skins that we have gathered for the contracts – we now have some extra money to put in the bank for the pack and for ourselves as well.  The Draeni at the warehouse always looks at us as if we had fleas or something whenever we come in, however, Oak always jokes with her and she starts to smile before we leave. I guess that they have even more people working for them now – free lancing people or mercenaries, I don’t know what they are called, however, I saw quite a few people standing in there or delivering goods as we were collecting our pay.   I know that Draeni really must have a field day when a group of Pandaren people come in – they are always furry and we’re aren’t. 

I know that Oak and I were very fortunate to be able to find a room in the Inn where we could leave our belongings before we changed into something a little more suitable for the Faire.  I put on my blue dress and had to laugh when Oak told me that I might want to leave off the bustle, what with the way that the canon ride shoots you out over the water and he didn’t want me to be floating around in the water with my skirts over my head – he had a good point.

I know that I am always thankful when we have some money and are able to enjoy a few pleasurable things because it was such a rarity for us when we first got together in Darnassus.  Oh, those were indeed sad times because Oak and I actually moved in with one another to save money, that’s truly a sad state of affairs.  Now, we stay together because we want too – no strings other than what we might have developed emotionally. 

I will have to admit that my living with Oak, as we are, would have shocked my Father and Mother if they were still alive.  I was one of those girls of better breeding back in Gilneas and steeped in the conventions that a good girl didn’t share her bed with a man until she had been married and even then, it was usually separate bedrooms and you made appointments with one another before you did anything. I know when I told Oak about some of the rules that we were breaking, I thought he was going to laugh until he cried.  His only comment was that he always wondered why most of the wealthy only had small families – those appointments must have had some conflicts with other things.  Now, I think nothing of the fact that we are cohabitating together and that we have no need of those “appointments” with one another.  I often wondered why my parents always seemed a bit distant and aloof with one another when I was around and I suppose that they really were following the social standards of their time.  Well, times have changed and I am thankful that I have a man in my life like Oak.

Oh, the Faire was even more fun this time than when we were there a couple of months ago.  We were having pack issues and the funds weren’t available for us to be able to take the time away from Darnassus.  This time things are settled down and we just got paid for all of our hard work.

We took in all of the sights at the Faire and ate so much of the strange food that I am surprised that we didn’t get sick, however, I do like the pickled kodo feet – they really make your mouth pucker up with that tangy dill flavor they have and the meat, although not plentiful, is very tender.  I know that every time I would eat one, Oak would wrinkle his nose in disgust while he was eating some other food – that man has a real sweet tooth sometimes.

Oh, he was right about the bustle being a bother with the canon ride.  I swear Oak spent more time trying to get my skirt off my head than he was in helping me out of the water.  I had on a petticoat, however, that was also wrapped around my head – which meant that there must have been a few people that caught a glimpse of my pantaloons.  We both ended up laughing so hard that we fell in the sand, which meant that we would have to slip away from the crowd and try to get some of the sand off of our bodies, which we managed to do, however, there is a cave over there that I don’t think we’ll stumble into again with a giant rabbit in it.

We did get back to Stormwind rather late last night and the streets were still all bustling with people coming and going.  We are still planning on trying to find a place to stay here in Stormwind eventually; however, we may wait a while to see if some of these people don’t leave. We were planning on taking some time to look around at the vacancies here in town today after my sleepy male wakes up. I bet the pricing is going to be horrendous; however, it won’t hurt to look anyway.

I hope we have time to go to Ironforge again; the place just amazes me with it being inside of the mountain like it is.  What with the Great Forge going all f the time, the place is never cold.  I don’t think that the dwarves would mind if a bunch of people from Gilneas came to stay up there for a while.  Maybe we could even take the time to look around outside to see how the hunting would be for us too.  Never hurts to have several avenues available to you when you’re thinking about changing your location.

Oh, don’t get me wrong, I love Darnassus and all of the people in there, however, a lot of the other people from Gilneas are of the old school and if they realized my family connection, I would be frowned upon most highly.  Here I am a woman of good breeding living with a tradesman.  Oh well, at least in Stormwind I would imagine that the social boundaries are a bit more flexible.  I do miss the social gatherings that we used to have at home and I would think that some of the events would be more readily had here.

I hear moaning coming from the bed and that mean that Oak is realizing that he shouldn’t have had those last two drinks last night.  Time for me to finish up here and get dressed so that we can go out and find some breakfast before we start looking at houses. 



In The Beginning…This Is How It Will Be

May 17th

Dear Journal,

Miss Felicity gave me this book and told me that I should write my thoughts down in it and keep track of things.  I suppose that it helps you somewhat figure out what has happened to you since the Curse, is it a Curse or is it a blessing in some ways. I guess that it would help if I could track the involuntary changes that I still have a problem with, maybe I’m not strong enough in character because it does seem to happen at the most inopportune times.

My name is Darren Caldwic, I’m approximately 21 years old. Yes, yes, I look a lot younger, however, I suppose that I will find that a blessing when I’m older but not right now.  People tend to treat me as young man, not a boy, just a very young man.

I grew up in Duskhaven, an only child born to an older couple that were probably very surprised at my creation considering their ages.  I grew up living a very sheltered life because my Mother was always afraid that I would get hurt or something.  I spent a lot of my time reading and a lot of time with my studies.  My Father didn’t want me to become too much of a Mother’s boy and decided to take me hunting and teach me the way of the forest, which I find rather ironic because he was a blacksmith and my Mother a seamstress.  We were town people, we didn’t wander too far out into the wilds very often. 

I’ll admit that I wasn’t a great hunter, a passable one at best, however, I always put on the front with my Father that I truly enjoyed it.  I hated killing animals and really had no desire to try to skin them, they were living beings moments before my arrow took their lives.  Well, to be honest, I was too awkward skinning and I am sure that it would have taken me days to get one animal skinned which truly irritated my Father.

I know that the one thing that I enjoyed the most about the forest were the different plants, trees and other things, not just the animals.  I actually started recording the plants that I had gathered, drew pictures of them, in color and started keeping a record of the different plants that I had seen.  It was something that I really enjoyed and it brought a certain amount of joy to me.

My schooling was at home until I reached a point to where my Mother could no longer teach me anything and it was off to school with the other children.  I can assure you that I had my fair share of bloody noses and having my lunches taken from me by the older and larger children.  However, I learned quickly how to take care of myself thanks to the lessons my Father gave me behind his shop. Oh there were many tears shed on my part because I didn’t like to fight.

Where my real forte in my life as a child was my love of learning and artwork.  Not a manly thing that could be paraded around in front of one’s parents friends, however, I was pretty well satisfied that the majority of the people considered me a bit odd and rather bookish.

Nothing would do that I start to mingle with some of the young people of my age group, my parents insisted that I needed to do that even though I always felt a bit awkward when I would attend some of the parties. Oh yes, I discovered girls and that made life even more complicated.  I even had a girlfriend of a sort, she was nice and we did all the things that young people are expected to do.  I found that I was quite good at dancing and later I discovered that I was one of the favorite dance partners at these gatherings.  Of course, that left me open for more bullying from the more manly fellows.

What it all boils down to is that I finished my schooling, my grades were at such a level that I went on to higher learning and became a school teacher myself. Oh how I loved teaching, I enjoyed the children and like to see their faces light up when they would learn something new. I used to take some of them on field trips and we would gather plants, talk about the different animals that lived in the forest as well as try to talk about some of the books that they had read outside of school.  It was fun, it was a happy time for me. 

I had a happy life in my opinion and was very comfortable with it.  I was very happy living in Gilneas behind that wall, it gave us all a shelter from the rest of the world and we all knew what was expected of us – we were happy or most of us were. Of course, things changed.  Not only were my parents getting to be rather elderly and needed my help and financial support, they also needed to know that I wouldn’t leave them behind in their old age.  Part of me wishes that I had because they might have survived longer.

I think we were all ill-prepared for the onslaught of Lady Sylvannas and her Forsaken abominations when they descended on our fair land.  I know that we were not prepared for the plagues that they created and we were not prepared for the Curse.

I was living in a fool’s paradise, living my life as if nothing were happening around me, going to school and teaching the children, however, those field trips were a thing of the past with the onslaught getting closer to our city.  Eventually, the children stopped coming to school, their parents were trying to escape the troubles that were being visited upon us.

Worgen!  I will never forget my first sight of the beasts for as long as I live.  With the school being located on the edge of town, I was sitting there grading some papers and happened to glance out the window when I saw my first group of them.  They were indeed creatures of nightmare proportions, beasts that were even fierce as they started coming out of the forest.  I tried to escape and return to my home where my parents were.

On my way back to town, at a very fast pace, I might add, I heard a cry for help.  As I look back on it, I should have ignored that cry and kept on my way home.  I found the poor fellow crying out for help and was doing my best to bandage his wounds and help him back to town. We were attacked by worgen and I was bitten – the rest is history. The poor fellow that was wounded was wrested from my grasp and I’m sure that his survival met a sad end.

When I made my way to my parents house, I knew there was something wrong.  The front door had been ripped from its hinges and the inside of the house was a tumultuous wreck.  The blood was everywhere and I found my parents’ bodies in the parlor where it appeared that they had tried to escape – my Father’s rifle lay on the floor, broken.  I didn’t even have time to mourn the loss of them because the worgen were still in the house – I ran.

I won’t go into all of the gory details of what transpired during my last few days in Gilneas.  It will forever be imprinted on my mind.

Luckily, the Night Elves offered us succor and an escape from our homeland. Oh, I’m still mourning the loss of my loved ones as I mourn my loss for my own humanity.  I’ve reconciled myself to the fact that there is no cure from the Curse and I’m learning how to cope with what the Light has bestowed upon me.

I met a young woman in Darnassus that was of the same ilk as myself.  Her name is Abigayle Anderson and she is a very gentle and kind person.  How she ever got involved with someone like her boyfriend is beyond me.  He was a complete polar opposite of her.  He was a drunken lout that liked to hit women.

I will admit that I was at a loss physically when I tried to rescue Abby from one of his beatings and that’s when I discovered the power and the true exhilaration of the Wolf.  I had changed several times before under moments of duress and stress, however, I had never had it happen like this before.  Oh yes, he was much more experienced with this fighting and I’ll admit that I did slink off in defeat, however, the altercation got enough attention from those living in the area that he was driven off.

That’s how I came to meet Miss Felicity and her mate, I suppose, Abner Oakelsey.  I guess Oak, as he likes to be called is an Alpha and has formed his own little pack which this other fellow and Abby were members.  I guess there had been trouble with the pack and the drunk driven away from there as well. Of course, Abby was the main reason that I was accepted into the pack and they seemed to be impressed that I was an inscriptionist.  Miss Felicity was a lady back in Gilneas and is very well educated – at least we have that in common.

I really don’t have many people that I have been able to talk with and haven’t formed any kind of bonds with anyone since my arrival in Darnassus.  I will give this pack life a try.  At least, maybe, they can teach me how to control what I’ve become.  Abby is very happy to be away from her old boyfriend and is staying with Oak and Miss Felicity. 

One thing that I do know is that I will learn to accept this new Fate that the Light has bestowed upon me or I will be destroyed eventually.  At least now I can leave the confines of Darnassus and start exploring this new world.  I’m looking forward to it, I ‘m looking forward to getting back to the things that I enjoy. Unfortunately, I don’t see any children here in the city although there are several women that appear to be with child which means they have no need for a school teacher at this point. I will have to rely solely on my abilities as an herbalist and inscriptionist to make my way – oh yes, I can go out and hunt although that really isn’t where my true talents lie.

Miss Felicity was correct in the assumption that writing all the things down does seem to ease the pain a bit.  Never thought much about keeping a journal as being therapeutic, however, I do feel better now.  At least I have something in mind, goals, things that I can plan on doing for my future and not just sitting here under the trees wondering about what might happen next.






The Curse Isn’t All That Bad…

April 4th

Dear Journal,

Oh, I am still shaking my head about our trip to Goldshire.  I guess that some people have no inhibitions about their conduct; however, I know that Felley was a real lady before we came to Darnassus after the Curse and I wanted to protect her sensibilities.   I think part of her was shocked by it all and part of her wanted to stay and take in the sights – well, can’t blame her there because there were indeed some sights to behold.  I wasn’t all that embarrassed with some of because I have been out in the world a bit more than Felley has been.  Oh yeah, we were sheltered in Gilneas from a lot of things that went on out in the world, however, we weren’t exactly puritanical in things either.  Some pretty kinky things could and did happen behind that wall.

I know that when we got back to Stormwind, things seemed a bit more normal, well almost normal, at least the people had their clothes on and weren’t dancing on the tables like they were in Goldshire.  I am still sitting here shaking my head and trying to get some of those tantalizing images out of my head. I’m still a man and I still have those fantasies that parade through there, just never thought I’d see them in real life all at once.

We have met quite a few nice people in Stormwind and quite a few people from Gilneas. Oh, there are quite a few that appear to want to pretend that the Curse never happened and are trying to live their lives as they did before. It’s futile to deny the Wolf – however, you can learn how to have control over it more than just denying it.  Oh, for some people to deny it and try not to enjoy the freedom that that part of your life gives you is the biggest mistake you could ever make.  I’m not denying that I didn’t go through the same thing for a long time, however, once I accepted it, got control of it – I can see that I am a much happier fellow for it.

The more that I have talked with people here in Stormwind, I am realizing that the probability of my wife and daughters showing up in the future is almost slim to nil.  That makes me sad because I always had my hope to build some of my dreams on.  Now, I will have to start putting that dream behind me and get on with my life. Maybe one of these years my heart will heal from the loss of my beloved wife, children enough to make something more permanent in this life.

I have to count myself lucky that I found a woman like Felicity that definitely came from a better background than mine has decided that she wants to stay with me.  Oh, we have our differences now and again, however, she has to learn not only her way with her Wolf but she also had to do a lot of menial tasks that she never dreamt of doing before.  She’s learning and, I think that she is actually enjoying some of it, even though she will complain that it really does spoil her hands – doesn’t affect her paws though.  There are days that I just marvel that she is with an uneducated man like me – well, I’m not uneducated.  I guess that I should say that I lack the polish and social graces that she was raised with.  That sounds much better.

Oh, we had a great time in Stormwind.  I don’t think that we have ever taken the time to explore it like we did this time.  We had planned on being at the holiday gathers for at least a couple of days, which didn’t work out all that well, however, we enjoyed those days just the same.  We did walk the streets of Stormwind like we belonged there even though we probably had the Darnassus refugee stamp on us like a lot of others do.  We just walked, talked and actually had enough money to do a bit of shopping.

Why is it that women get all strange when they get to shop?  I mean, I’ve taken Felley shopping before and she is always the same way.  They have to look at each and everything in the shop before they can decide if they want to even buy anything or not.  Me, I already know before I walk into a shop , what it is that I want and get the item, buy it and leave – I don’t feel the need to look at every single thing in the store before I make my purchase.

We went into Old Town and that was an experience of itself.   We found a watch shop that was booming with business and the proprietor was definitely one of us. Oh, I thought that Felley was going to spend the entire day in there.

They had watches, trinkets and all kinds of things that were apparently crafted by artisans that worked for the proprietor.  I know Felley kept looking at the little clockwork animals that were in the window and kept going back to this little owl time and again.  It was rather intricately made with the way that its head would swivel, eyes blinked and it would flap its wings.  Let’s just say that the owl is now on the mantle over of the fireplace in our house in Darnassus.  She didn’t ask me to buy it for her, I bought it because I knew that she liked it – she doesn’t have many nice things and this might help her know that I want her to have things like she did in her past life.  Oh, there were a few things in the shop that I wouldn’t have minded purchasing, however, I didn’t need them either and our finances aren’t limitless. My old watch is rather battered and sometimes it doesn’t keep very good time, the case is much worn and you can see the where the silver has worn away to the base metal beneath.  One of these days I’ll get a new one, however, making Felley happy was more important to me than an old watch being replaced.

I’m sure that Sonshine and Abigayle would have had a great time in Stormwind, however, this was a trip for Felley and me to enjoy by ourselves.  Since we decided to form our pack, Felley and I rarely get those moments alone that we need to have. Oh, the others don’t bother me that me because I’ve known Sonshine since he and I ware boys, however, I think that the women get a bit jealous of each other every now and again.  Abigayle is still very young and she is one that craves the attention of the people around her and Felicity is more the lady than to expect it all of the time.  I don’t think that either one of them realizes that I’ve seen the not so playful nips passed between them when we are out in the field and Abigayle tries to get too close to me.  Now, Felley doesn’t have a thing to worry about because Abigayle is more like a child to me than anything else, I’ll protect her if the need arises, however, she’s just not my type and she’s supposed to be Sonshine’s girl.  I just thank the fact that we don’t all live in the same house together, that could get awkward.  My old Grandfather used to tell me that having more than one woman in the house at the same time was just asking for trouble – I think he was very correct in that especially if you have two that are of an age that they want a home of their own.

We are planning on going back to Stormwind in the near future.  I found a place that pays top dollar for the kinds of pelts that we have been gathering and I’m going to see if they would like to work with us on that.  We’re not pitifully poor, however, I’d like to be able to feel more comfortable than I do right now.  One can only mend a pair of boots so many times before it becomes a futile act.  I wouldn’t mind having a few extra coins in my pouch next Winter Veil for gifts and such.

Now that we’re back in Darnassus and settled in after our trip, it is going to be time for us to start taking care of our business more.  Spring is definitely showing up and that means that we are going to have more game and more pelts to gather.   I can tell that the rest of the pack is starting to get a bit restless and we all need to get out of the city to let the Wolves take to the field.

I know that people would think that I have totally lost my mind or sold my soul out to whatever power there is, however, I am enjoying the freedom that I have when we can be ourselves out in the woods.  I’m sure that not everyone can accept it, however, I am taking ownership of my situation and I will make the best of it.  I do have my own rules that I follow, I stay in my human form, which isn’t all that bad to gaze upon, when we are in the cities and when we escape from the confines of the cities, I’ll go into my wolf because it makes my job so much easier and I enjoy how it feels to be that powerful.   I think that Felley feels the same way even if she doesn’t realize it.

No, I don’t consider the Curse a blessing by any means, however, I’m learning how to accept it for what it is and I will deal with the things as best I can.  Oh, I’ve met quite a few that are more feral even while they are in the human forms than is absolutely necessary. I’ve even cautioned Sonshine about his actions more than a few times.  He was always kind of wild and I think that there are times when he isn’t in full control of his other self when he starts drinking too much.

Oh well, seems that Felley is in the mood for fish tonight and has decided that it would be a good thing for me to do while she is doing some other things around the house.  So, off I go with my fishing pole in hand to get some fish.


A Trip to Goldshire…

March 31st

Dear Journal,

You can definitely tell that the Spring season is upon this morning.  I awakened sneezing and woke up Oak.   We were going to stay in the Inn at Goldshire, just for fun; however, it was so crowded with people that that idea went quickly out the window as we pushed our way through the masses of people and other things.

We had left our home in Darnassus early yesterday morning to come to Stormwind for a visit.  It’s been a very long time since we have been here.  Well, not since Winter Veil at least.  We’ve been too busy with our pack and with our own hunting to do much of anything else.

I can’t believe all of these people here and around Goldshire.  We had thought that we would come in a couple of days early to check out the place before the celebration for Noble Garden started on the morrow.  Ah well, after looking things over, we’ve decided that it would be more of a effort in futility to try to gather those eggs as we have done in times past – so, we’re just going to spend a few days close to Stormwind. We have both enjoyed the hunt for those eggs in Gilneas before the changes – it was always fun and sometimes, you would find a few little treasures along with the eggs.

I have never seen anything quite like the Inn in Goldshire.  It’s as if the place had been invaded by demons and anyone that stayed within the confines of those walls for very long might become possessed and start doing lewd acts out in front of everyone without any care for decency at all.  I think that it embarrassed Oak too much to even ask for a room, he just grabbed my hand and we left.

We found an unoccupied cave, actually fairly close to Stormwind.  Well, it’s unoccupied now; the critters that were living in it have long since been vanquished since our arrival.  We both laughed as we started to unpack some of our bags to settle in for a while.  We had come for the celebration, primarily; however, we wanted to see how the packs were run in this area.

Oh, our little group is very good at what we do although we’re only number four and we have survived quite nicely in Kalimdor.  We just wanted to see how the other packs were around Stormwind and a few of the smaller towns in the area.  Of course, with the holiday and the masses of people that we have seen so far, we may have to go further afield to find any other worgen in their natural habitats. Oak is already aware of the fact that not all Alphas are male – we have been surprised a few times already.

What we’re hoping to do now is to return to Stormwind in our human forms and see how the other Gilnean are faring in that city.  It’s been wonderful in Darnassus for us, however, we want to see how many people may have survived the Curse and have fitted themselves in with the rest of the humans. Oh we heard that distinctive accent a few times as we traveled through the city; however, we were in the mind, at that time, to get settled in Goldshire and then return.

When we left Goldshire, I know that neither one of us spoke for a while.  I know that we both had to let what we had seen get filtered through our minds.  I’ve never seen the like and would have liked to stay a few minutes longer; however, Oak would have none of it.  He said he hadn’t ever seen so many naked people in his life anywhere and he had traveled quite a bit before we were shipped off to Darnassus with the elves.   I think that part of my wanting to linger was the fact that I hadn’t ever seen so many people acting as if they had lost their minds and their decency in one place before.  Maybe the Inn had been turned into a temporary asylum for the insane or something – it was all rather awful.

I had thought that Oak was going to lose control of his wolf when we were in there because he didn’t know what else to do or that the shock was so great that it shook him to his very soul.

Oh, my parents were probably rolling in the graves, if they could see what I saw in a brief period of time.  I was a lady and all of the decorum that could be mustered was always observed in our home.  My Mother probably would have fainted at the sight of all of that nudity and debauchery and my Father would have probably tried to ignore it as best he could while trying to get his bearings to find the exit back outside.

Oak and I were rather surprised that the guards were just standing outside as if nothing were going on.  Maybe this is a common occurrence in the village now?  Oh well, we’ve decided that we’re not going back there for any reason, celebration or not.  One would have thought that the King in Stormwind would have put a stop to this kind of activity that is almost on his doorstep.

Oh, I’m sure we would have had our hands if we had brought Sonshine and Abigayle with us. Sonshine might have wanted to linger more than just a little bit longer than Oak – he’s a bit wilder and bit more open for that kind of thing.  Abigayle would have wanted to stay with Sonshine because of their relationship and she’s the most innocent of us all.

Oh well, so much for that holiday that we had promised ourselves.  We’ll stay close to Stormwind and see what we can find out before we head back to Darnassus and the peace, sanity and quiet that we have come to enjoy there.

I made a suggestion to Oak that maybe we could take a jaunt to Ironforge, just to see it again and he shook his head.  I think he was so appalled by what we’ve seen so far that he just might want to cancel everything and head back to Darnassus in the morning.

I am very disappointed with our latest sojourn in search of some just plain “fun” and a celebration that we both grew up with as children.  Oh well, there are things that have changed for the worse and for the better – I think that we won’t be passing close to Goldshire again for a very long time.

I have to smile.  Abner just gave me a kiss on the cheek and told me that he would make it up to me that we’re not going to be able to go to the celebration as we had hoped.  I had even packed my best gown for the trip and now, I probably won’t even get an opportunity to put it on.  Or, maybe not, I think that we may be going into town for dinner tonight, which will be a nice change of pace and what a better way to meet people than to go to an Inn – not Goldshire.

Felley Fitzpatrick

Life Moves On…No Matter What

March 1st

Dear Journal,

Oh dear! It’s been a while since I have actually been able to sit down and write in this journal.  Well, I haven’t written in it since Oak and I started living together.  Oh, that was some Winter Veil!  We had so much fun when we went to Ironforge together that we never bothered to part company again.

Of course, I’m sure that Sonshine is giving Oak all kinds of grief about the fact that he has taken up with a woman, however, he doesn’t have that much room to talk with the way he has been flirting endlessly with Abigayle either.  He’s not as smooth about what his intentions as Oak is, however, we all get the idea that we’ll be running as a pack.  No argument as to which one is the Alpha either because Oak is a bit older and more experienced in the world than the rest of us.

When I sit down and think about what has been going on all of these months, my mind is just whirling.  At first, we were both kind of standoffish about being alone together and he slept on the couch and I slept in the bed – then, we had more than one cold night and I told him that I didn’t care if he shared the bed.  Of course, we were sorely tempted to go into our wolf forms although there was always the possibility that someone might walk in on us while we were sleeping. We are both very careful to stay in human form while we are in the cities, however, once we get away from the humanity – we feel very comfortable in what has become a second nature to us both.

Yes, I still see Oak glancing at a female woman now and again, however, I know that he is still looking and hoping that his family might appear one day.  Yes, it does bother me that his heart is still longing for a thing that will never be again.  We have both given up hope of ever being reunited with old friends from Gilneas and our families or what might still remain of them.

I don’t think I have ever been happier in my life.  No, I don’t have the luxuries that I had at home in Gilneas, however, I wasn’t Cursed at that point either.  I miss some of the finer things that I had, servants that took care of everything – now, it’s just Oak and I doing our own cooking, cleaning and laundry.  I shouldn’t admit this, I suppose, however, he did have to teach me how to cook some of the food and definitely the laundry. 

The first time I did the laundry, I thought it looked great and was okay, it wasn’t.  Oak thought that he had gotten fleas from somewhere because he was itching and trying not to scratch and I will admit that I was a bit uncomfortable too.   I didn’t get all of the soap out of the undergarments.  We had a miserable few days until it was time to do laundry again.  That’s when I found out what I had done wrong. I am very happy that he is such a kind and understanding man. He sat there and helped me do the laundry and showed me how to get the soap out and how to rinse everything really well.  I thought you just took it out of the soapy tub and threw it in the clean water and swished it around a bit.  Nope, that wasn’t how it was done.

I suppose that Oak and I are going to go to Ashenvale today and then do some scouting around in Stonetalon.  Naturally, we’re looking at the game, the inhabitants and also, I think we have a bit of the wanderlust going.

I have reconciled myself that all of these so-called treatments that I have heard talk about are just that.  Just talk.  Oak seems to have some trouble with the idea that this is how life is going to be sometimes, however, we’re both learning how to accept it.  We’ve both learned how to keep our wolves in check when we are in Darnassus or Stormwind, out in the field, we let ourselves have free rein to do as we wish.

We’re also looking around to see if we can set up some kind of base camp for ourselves so that we don’t have to make the trek back to Darnassus once every few days.  We’ve both seen places that we like tremendously, no people around.




Accepting Life for Winter Veil

December 26th

Dear Journal,

I never thought that I would have this much fun with Winter Veil this year but I think that finding Felicity and making friends with her has helped a great deal.  No, don’t get me wrong, I still miss my wife and my girls more than anyone could imagine.  I still hope that someday I will find them again, I’m still catching myself every time I see a woman walk by with the same hair color as my wife, just hoping.

Felley and I went to Iron Forge and I think that she was really shocked at how the dwarves actually live so close to the Great Forge, the celebration had definitely dressed the place up and she was in awe of everything.  We were able to get to the tree and able to get our gifts without too much trouble – there was definitely a crowd of people wishing to do the same thing.  Oh, I was in awe of everything too, especially the way that Felley looked in her winter red gown that I was able find for her before we left Stormwind.  I’m sitting here with a huge smile on my face because she was so happy with her gift even though it was more personal than what it should have been if we were following social amours and proper etiquette.

Oh, we really enjoyed going outside and letting our mounts run through the snow.  Of course, we had a bit of a frolic throwing snowballs at one another until we both just collapsed with the laughter.  She’s a damned good shot with those snowballs, however, I was able to wing a few in her direction that she couldn’t dodge completely.  We both maintained our human forms within the confines of the city, however, once we got far enough away from the rest of the folks and got out into the woods, we gave our wolves free rein.

I can’t really explain the freedom that I feel or probably what Felley feels when we both take on our wolf forms.  We’re totally free from the binding clothing that we wear as humans and can let our instincts carry us across the snow and the ice covered lakes.  With all of the fur, we hardly felt the cold until we were both chasing one another and tried to skid to a halt before we slid through a hole in the ice.  No, we weren’t hurt or anything, just noticing that even with a fur coat to cover our skins we still felt that chill blast of cold water as we fell in.

We were able to find a cave not too terribly far away from the lake and we were able to build a fire, trying not to glance at one another in our naked human forms.  I’ll admit that I took a peek and definitely like the sight that I was able to behold.  She is definitely a beautiful woman as well as a beautiful wolf.   I know that we enjoyed that time in the cave, drying ourselves before the fire and I think that if anyone walked by our little hideout, they would have heard two wolves chuckling inside.  I know it felt “right” for us to curl up closely together for just the sheer warmth of our bodies being so close together, it also felt “right” for us to be there together.

No, no, nothing happened in that cave other than sharing body heat.  I respect Miss Fitzpatrick too much to have made any advances to her other than just cuddling together.  Besides, my heart still belongs to my wife and my daughters and it would have felt like I was betraying both my vows and myself if anything other than being close would have happened.

It’s really strange how only a few months ago, I was bemoaning the fact of the Curse and now, I think that I have gotten to where I know that I will learn to adjust to it more.  I think initially, it was the not being able to control the beast when it wanted to appear, now, I’ve gotten the gist of it for the most part, although I will sometimes lose that control – depending on the circumstances.

I know that getting back to Iron Forge and feeling that warmth again was definitely more to our liking.  We definitely had a marvelous time at one of the Inns by having some hot chocolate to drink and having a decent meal prepared for us.  Naturally we both decided that having a little bit of the local alcohol wouldn’t be such a bad idea either and we were both surprised.  Everything just tasted so marvelous and I think that we both enjoyed each other’s company quite a bit. 

I would have liked to have been able to take a room for the night, however, with the crowding there, we would have had to share a room not only between us but with several others as well.  We opted to head back to Stormwind where we were able to find  an adequate room, even though it wasn’t as warm as the ones in Iron Forge might have been.

I know that we both blushed as we exited from behind the changing screens in our room in Stormwind and saw each other covered from head-to-toe in our night clothes.  We had a good chuckle as we crawled under the blankets, having used the warming pan to warm up the sheets first.  Oh yes, we observed the proprietary thing of having a bundling board between us, so, that in our slumber, the temptations wouldn’t arise.  We lay there stretched out and talked about our frolicking in the snow as wolves and we both fell asleep.

Getting back to Darnassus this morning was both entertaining and enlightening to both of us.  I suppose some people with more base levels of thought were thinking that we had gone off for some kind of romantic tryst since we hadn’t returned until this morning.   Silly people and their baser thoughts.  Sonshine just winked and grinned at me when we passed one another, us loaded down with our baggage and equipment.  Oh well, someday I’ll have to tell him how we spent our time.

After getting our things put away in our room in Darnassus, I checked our financial situation and decided that we could afford the luxury of just staying home today.  Felley is curled up on the bed and I’ve noticed that sometimes when she is sleeping, she lets out a little yip and growl – it’s kind of nice knowing that if she alters to her wolf that I would still be comfortable with her.