Trying to break away and gather my thoughts…


Written in very cursive script denoting the maturity and education of the author

 

 

November 11th

 

Dear Journal,

It’s been a few days since I have had the time or the inclination to sit down and write anything down.  Let’s just say that things have been more than a little bit busy with our latest military actions.  All I see these days seem to be demon-filled areas and the foul Fel stink that permeates everything in the Broken Isles.  We won’t even get into the discussion of not being able to gaze up at the night sky these days without seeing that glaring ugly new sight of Argus – there seems to be no escape from that view even when you leave the Broken Shore.

I know that the Legion is trying to kill us all, however, it does make me wonder if that must include the stench of Fel.  Laughingly, I have tried everything to rid myself of the smell, I think I have spent a small fortune on all kinds of remedies that seem to smell worse than the Fel. Amyn is constantly teasing me about all the things that I have tried and blames it all on my being a Silvermoon escapee.  Of course, she had to share the fact that she hasn’t had to buy anything to get rid of the smell, she just bent over and picked up some sand from the edge of the lake that we were sitting by and rubbed it vigorously on her skin and on the ends of her hair.  Asked me to take a quick sniff of the areas she had scrubbed and there was no smell of Fel. Only a Night Elf would have realized such a simple remedy was literally at hand.

At least the two of us have been able to spend some time together on the Broken Isles without too much trouble, however, I will have to admit that it is somewhat difficult to keep our minds on other things while we are constantly watching for anyone and anything that might be an enemy of some kind.  Yes, war is always a dangerous business anytime you’re involved, however, there should be an escape other than Dalaran.

I know that Amyn and I have been together for most of our lives and that first meeting in the Barrens, so many years ago. I know that we have always tried to keep our relationship hidden from people outside of our families and I think that we have succeeded in that regard for the most part.  At least we haven’t been arrested or anything like for having this relationship.   I can remember a few years ago when the children were still small, and we were living in Dalaran together, it was always a shock to some people that I was involved with a Sentinel. No one in Dalaran ever tried to cause issues for us, the shopkeepers knew Amyn and she used my accounts without any issues and nothing was ever said.  Of course, back in the Eastern Kingdoms or even Kalimdor, things were totally different.  We never really had to hide a whole lot in Pandaria either, people tended to mind their own business there.

I know that we have become wealthy over the years with our businesses being combined and scattered throughout Azeroth and I’m sure that some people are more than a bit curious about how easily it seems that both firms can get their hands-on items that are supposedly exclusive for the Alliance or the Horde – Morningstar Enterprises is based out of Orgrimmar and Shadowmoon Enterprises is based out of Stormwind.  The only place that the company is totally out in the open is in Shattrath – that was the only open city that was available to us back in the day and it worked out well for us personally and the business.  Both boys were born in Shattrath and even though they were half-breeds, they didn’t have many issues to contend with while they were living there.  Of course, both boys still must know they are of mixed blood these days when they are in Stormwind, people there are always suspicious of people that appear to be different – they both look very much like the Kaldorei except for their eyes which can show some of the green from my side.  Kal has always acted more like his Mother’s people and doesn’t have too many of my traits to give him away, however, Vashlan is very Sindorei with the things that he likes to do, yes, he’s quite the clothes horse and quite the lady’s man.   Not to mention, Vashlan is a mage and is studying in Stormwind with hopes of going to Dalaran someday to finish up and take a more active role in the things going on in Azeroth.

Amyn and I have been very fortunate at keeping our marriage a secret as well as the fact that we have been mated far longer than we’ve been legally bound in the Sindorei fashion.  I do love her with all my heart and my children are the best thing that we have ever had happen.

Oh yes, I was quite the rounder for a while and had quite a few liaisons with women before we were wed because I wanted a family that would be accepted in the Sindorei society.  As far as I know, Amyn and I are the only ones to have had children from our alliance and that is probably for the best because I know that Amyn has quite the temper and I’d probably be a dead man if I suddenly had children showing up from any affairs I’ve had over the years with my female Sindorei consorts.

I did make it to Orgrimmar and signed some papers for Zippie and picked up some mail that had been delivered to the office rather than forwarded to me in the Broken Isles.  I suppose that is just as well because I got a letter from Dawnglory that has some interesting information in it and I know that he wants to talk to me about it.  Still no news about Romy and the children, I suppose he wants to take some more time off or increase the reward for any information of their whereabouts.

 

Fnor Morningstar

 

 

 

 

Why Is This Happening…


*Beware, there will be some graphic and salty language in this post.  If you are easily offended, please do not read. *

 

October 19th

Yo Book!!

At least you’re still here and I can at least put some of my thoughts down and try to muddle my way through my life for a while longer.  There really isn’t anyone that I can talk to about things with Fnor being away and my sister is all tied up with her marriage and two children.   Besides, who wants to listen to a lonely and lost fellow trying to make some sense out of the things that have gone on in his life.

I have fucking toed the mark and tried to do all the right things without upsetting the Powers-to-Be, Fate and the Light.  I’ve even sent my prayers to any of the damned gods that I can think of to try to make some sense out of what has happened.

The area where the zeppelin crashed is not uninhabited and there are towns and villages scattered all over the place. Yet, no one has seen my red-haired woman traveling with two small children.  I know that I have searched until I’m am both exhausted in mind and body.  It probably doesn’t help matters that I am still trying to keep the rest of my life in order as well – I do have obligations that must be met – one obligation is military and the other is making money with Morningstar Enterprises to make sure that my family has something to come back too.  I don’t think that any of them would want to come back and live in a tent or stay in Silvermoon at this point.

Yes, I did take Fnor’s advice and I have been staying at the main house in Silvermoon and I will have to admit that I have enjoyed spending some time with Agatha and her children.  At first, I was kind of nervous since she has never mentioned having a man in her life before, however, after meeting the children, there is no doubt in my mind whom the Father might be.  Fnor has two beautiful children, a boy and a girl that he is apparently not acknowledging or he hasn’t been told about them although they seem to be more than a little bit aware of who I am and know of his whereabouts.  Amyn would be crushed if she knew that Fnor didn’t keep his word to her, however, he is married to her and has never stepped out or broken his vows since they were married in Dalaran in the Sindorei fashion.    The girl is as beautiful as her Mother; however, she has a lot of Fnor’s mannerisms and features – quick to smile and quick to anger, I suppose, just like Daddy.  He won’t be able deny the boy – the boy is the spitting image of Fnor, same smile, same everything and his voice is already very much like his Sire’s voice although softer.  Now, the question comes to mind of whether I should mention them to him or should I talk to Agatha first?  Hmmm, can’t say that I want to confront Fnor about the kids when he is apparently unaware of their existence – that could explain some of Agatha’s absences, I suppose – off having a baby on those vacations she has taken.  They both have the same heavy dark hair of both parents; however, the boy has the same exact eyes as Fnor’s other boys – the green flecks overriding the underlying lighter color.  Strange but beautiful looking.  I think I’ll talk to Agatha and find out what she must say about her children.

I know that I still wake up in the mornings here in Silvermoon and my heart longs to be on the farm in Halfhill.  I miss the rain on the rooftop and the smell of the place.   Yes, I miss the big bed that seems so empty without Romy in it and I miss the constant chattering of the villagers as they walk down the road towards their farms or the market.   I have spoken with Agatha quite a bit about my feelings of loss and the loneliness that has seemed to take the place of the emptiness that I have been feeling.   She has assured me that I will survive it all and that she had to experience the whole thing with the Commander when he lost the girl and his child when he was living in Dalaran.   Those were turbulent and sad times for all of us, however, Agatha never left Fnor alone all those months, she was always there taking care of the house and a lot of the business stuff that he didn’t want to make time for.  Here she is in Silvermoon taking care of his interests here …and his children.

I’ll have to give this all some more thought, my mind is totally spinning at the ramifications of the thoughts that I am having and for once, I’m not dwelling on my own losses.  Light!!  I wish that I could find Romy and the children soon.

 

Fnar Dawnglory

 

OOC – October 5th – Yeah, I’m back at it again


October 5th 

 

I will have to admit that I haven’t been writing very much in the last year, however, that was due to the fact that I have been playing medication roulette with my doctors.  I think they have finally figured out what to give to take without killing me with it.  It’s been a rough year for me in the health department. 

Anyway, long story short, I have renewed my WordPress account and I’m planning on getting back into my usual (other normal) posting in this next year.  The brain is all abuzz with thoughts of projects and what I need to write about.  Hey, my writing isn’t all that great and I know that, however, I do enjoy it and it makes me feel like I am doing something other than playing video games. 

I know that I haven’t even been playing a whole lot in the last six months or so due to the fact that I just couldn’t concentrate on anything for very long before I just got totally lost in thought and confusion on some things.  Over-medicating your brain makes you real spacy and I was really starting to get worried about what was going on.  All manner of thoughts race through your head in regard to your faculties when you don’t feel like you’re doing things quite right or up to your usual standards.  

I never have followed the arena nor the MDI tournaments until this year and I will have to admit that I have spent a great deal of time watching those events.  I know I will never be that kind of player again, however, it does bring back some good memories of days gone by.  I used to be Hell-on-Wheels with PvP and as a raider, however, the reflexes aren’t what they used to be these days.  I had to put some of those things to the side and just get into the questing side more with my characters, which is not all bad at all.  Even though I am not up to snuff enough to really participate in these things but that doesn’t mean that I have lost the love or the interest in it. 

Another thing that I did this year is something that I haven’t ever done in the last twelve years and that was to buy one of the tickets on-line for BlizzCon.   I’ve never done that before and I am very excited to see it here in the comfort of my own home.   It should be fun and I’m sure that I will post other things in regard to that.   

I hope to be playing and writing more in the next few months and rekindle my love for all things World of Warcraft.  I have no great expectations for things, just the ability to enoy something that I have been doing almost daily for the last twelve years.   Hope to see all of you soon. 

Still trying to catch up on the posts that some of you have done and hope to have that caught up in the next couple of days.  Everything that I have been reading has inspired me to get back with the way that I used to be and to carry on with the rest of the gang.   

July 19th – Family…Sisters are hard to figure out


Written in very cursive script denoting the maturity and education of the author

 

July 19th

 

Dear Journal,

There are times when I wonder how or why I spent most of my life trying to raise my two sisters correctly.  Obviously, I wasn’t too successful with Felaran because she had already been turned to serve the Lich King. 

It was a long drawn out process and I spent a very long time looking for her and found her in Outland. Of course, she really didn’t recall her past and she didn’t truly remember me, however, I did convince her to come with me to Dalaran to live.  Her connections to the Lich King had been severed and she had followed a group of other Death Knights to Outland because she didn’t know of anything else to do. Yes, she was a killing machine and a certain part of her will always remain as such, however, she has learned how to control herself over the years.  Her memories have returned and she does remember a lot of the things that happened to her when she was younger.  Some people may not remember that there were times when Death Knights were not welcomed in any of our cities even though they had broken away from the Lich King – people just remembered what they were used for all those years.

What I am concerned about some of the things that have been going on with my youngest sister, Faendra.   She has always had strange obsession with Dawnglory ever since she realized that there were differences between little girls, boys and then, grown men.   I don’t know if it’s psychological thing where she has a fixation on him because of her growing up without our parents.  Sure, he has always been a handsome devil and I think that has a lot to do with it as well as being one of the most charming fellow when it comes to the females of our race.  He was quite the womanizer and I did tell him to stay away from my sisters for that reason – I didn’t want to endanger our friendship and I didn’t want to have my sisters hurt.  I didn’t have to worry about Fel, however, Faendra really has always been a bit of an airhead.

I have tried to arrange a marriage for her and she ran away from home.  So, she ruined her reputation in Silvermoon City and hurt her social standing for a while.  However, enough money in the proper areas and that sort of thing is soon forgotten.  I was trying to make her life easier for her and to try to make her happy with her life and it seems I have utterly failed.  I wanted to give her the life that we would have never had with our parents, they were good people and they were trades people and we never lacked for anything that we needed.  I have been fortunate enough in my life to make some good decisions professionally and in business.

I know that I have told Dawnglory to stop going to the farm in Pandaria and stay in Silvermoon when he’s not in Draenor or up with the rest of us on the Isle.  Since Fae has decided to act rather predatory about him since Romy and the children are still missing, I needed to give the poor man some sort of haven and I’m sure that Agatha will make sure he is comfortable and protected when he is staying at the main house there. 

Now, I need to get in touch with Faendra and find out what she is up too or at least let her know that I know about some of her antics.  I hope that she hasn’t done anything that I can’t fix or at least get some control over.  Part of me wants to buy her out of the Rangers and put her back in Orgrimmar, however, that wouldn’t be fair to the other employees there.  Amyn and I have argued about this.  I must agree with her and let Dawnglory and Fae work this out – they are supposedly both adults.

 

Fnor Morningstar

 

July 8th – Life Goes On…Right?


*Remember that this particular character is pretty outspoken and has no filter on his language – might be a few words in here that are not fit for people to read that are easily offended. *

 

 

July 8th

 

Yo Book!!

I knew that I was fucking getting run-down and didn’t feel like my normal self, however, I didn’t realize what real exhaustion can do to you sometimes.  I know that I have been burning the candle at both ends and trying to cure some of that with imbibing in more alcohol than I should.  Now, I’ve been fucking told that I had better knock that nonsense off if I plan on living long enough to find Romy and the kids.  I know that I have felt like there is never going to be an end to this and I will spend the rest of my living days searching for my wife and children.

Yes, I fucking said the word – WIFE.  My intent when I got home from Draenor was to take her to a magistrate or to one of the monks in Pandaria and for us to get married.  Yes, that legal and binding thing that people do when they love one another with their entire being. Well, that got shot to Hell and Gone when I got back and she was missing.  In my mind and in my heart, we’re already married and have been since the day we met – I wasn’t just smitten with her physical beauty, I was smitten with her soul and her sheer love of life. Yeah, I know it’s stupid, however, I do believe in “love at first sight” because it has happened to me and I have lost all interest in other women – that was quite a shock in the womanizer that I used to be. To say that I was experienced is an understatement – I had gone on some rough mileage at times.

What brought this outburst on, you might ask?  Well, I was talking with Fnor and he mentioned that I looked a little tired and maybe I should just take some time off.  I did tell him about the way that his sister was acting with me again and that set him off on temper tantrum that seemed to be more than just his usual outburst.  I told him about her comments and the way that she had acted very recently which just made him angrier at her.  There are days that I ask myself “why me?” I do try to keep going and try to overlook a lot of her overtures’ that had ceased for a while, however, with Romy out of the picture, she is on me as a target once again.

I have known Faendra since she was a kid. Hell, she and my sister, Felessa, were best friends until she started chasing after me like a bitch in heat.  I know that this has been going on for years and has caused Fnor and I some major problems, however, it has not interfered with our friendship.  There are times when I wonder if Fnor isn’t all that bright when it comes to females and how dangerous they can be – with his experiences, he should have clue by now.

I know that Jongu has mentioned to me that he doesn’t like that other Blood Elf female that comes by the house sometimes.  He said she isn’t nice to him and thinks that she has sneaky streak and might steal things when I’m not there and he is busy doing other things.  Hmmm, that’s unusual for Jongu because he’s always liked everyone to my knowledge.  I wonder what he was hinting at, he’s a strange fellow and I like having him around and he works cheap since I told him he can sell his chicken and dumplings at the market.  I know we are still having that problem with the chickens dropping dead at the farm every once in a while, – we have still not figured out what is up with that, however, it doesn’t seem to cause any issues when we eat them.  Oh well, I’ll just keep my eyes out for that little bitch.

While I was talking with Fnor, a weird thing happened.  I either passed out or I fainted and I woke up with a healer standing over me and shaking her head.  She said I was suffering from exhaustion and that my body was showing some signs of trouble from my drinking.  Well, that wasn’t a real surprise to me, I know I have been drinking quite a bit.  She also told me that I was talking while I was out and crying – my emotions seemed more than a little bit raw. 

The weird thing that happened was I was talking and I heard my daughter’s voice like she was standing there with Fnor and I.  I felt my heart give a lurch when I heard the voice and I passed out.  How can she be here and not here?  I know that I still have a chill when I think about it, I don’t want to think that she is in the afterlife and it was her spirit talking to me – she can’t be dead and neither can Romy and my son be dead.  I won’t believe it, I refuse to believe.  Anyway, long story short, she told me to take some time off and possibly get out of Pandaria for a while and go back to the Eastern Kingdoms, get some rest and see if I can’t quieten my mind some.

I told Fnor what the healer had told me and he told me to go back to Silvermoon and stay at the house there for a while.  He would get in touch with Agatha to let her know that I was coming and to make sure that she keeps Faendra away from me if she should show up.  So, I am going to take the advice and take some time off, drop the letter from the healer off in Orgrimmar and go home for a while to Silvermoon.

 

Fnar Dawnglory

 

 

 

Still Searching…Frustrating…


June 28th

Yo Book!!

I know that I have spent way too much fucking time just trying to find Romy and the children.  I wonder if my feelings are wrong and I won’t be able to find them – ever.  The thought of giving up on finding them is breaking my heart and my mind just doesn’t want to believe that they have just fucking disappeared forever.  My love, my daughter and the son I’ve never seen – how can this be?

I have worked my ass off for the Horde and I keep getting sent away to places that I could care less about than where my would-be wife and children are.  Every time I feel like I am making some progress on my search, I get recalled to that stupid Garrison in Draenor or they expect me to head to the Broken Shore with my men.  No, I don’t want to go, I want to find my family and then I can spend my time with them and then attend to my duties.  My family must take the priority in my life.  Fuck the reigning parties at this point, The Banshee Queen as the Warchief?  How can that be?  The most evil of all women and she is going to lead the Horde to its own destruction.   I’m still following the orders that I get from the Regent Lord and obeying the pledge that I gave for my people, however, this new regime is not to my personal liking at all.

It’s been months since my family disappeared and all we have are a little shoe that belonged to my son and the rumors that there may have been some survivors at the crash site of the Zep, however, where did they go?  Did they get some medical attention?  Have the left the area or are they being held prisoner by someone?  So many questions unanswered.

I looked in the mirror this morning and saw myself and can tell that this worrying and stress has taken a toll on me physically.  Too much drinking and too much depression has left its mark and it will be a while before that goes away, I’m sure.  At least I don’t have any gray hair showing in my hair yet, that would be a definite worry for me because I have always been vain about my appearance.  Yes, I do need to start thinking about other things and trying to rebuild some of my life instead of just living it one day at a time.

I am going to have to take my life in hand and try to get on with something normal.  I can’t just keep hoping that they will all turn up and things will be as they once were.  That never happens, we can’t erase the time that has gone by and I can’t step back into the lives of my children when they probably don’t even remember what I look like – my son has never seen me, so, the little fellow would have no clue as to whom I might be.  Has Romy survived this and has she gotten on with her life or is she still trying to come back to me – I don’t know.  In my heart, I want her back so badly that it is almost painful to dwell on it so much.   That red hair, those lovely arms that held me so tightly and the kisses that would make any man swoon with desire.  I truly had never known the passion that this one woman could arouse in me and she was the only one that ever pulled me to that level – I miss her voice, that lilting laughter, that quick wit. Just the sheer longing for her causes me such emotional and physical pain that I can hardly manage it.

No, I have not been with another woman and haven’t been with anyone for over a year and my libido is sadly missing at this point.  Now, I have another problem.  It appears Faendra Morningstar has decided in her infinite wisdom that Romy is never coming back and that I should take her as my wife. That is never going to happen, even if there were a remote possibility of it happening.  She is truly making a pest of herself.

I have decided that I will leave Pandaria, the farm will be taken care of by my friends and I will try to stay in Orgrimmar for a while or even Silvermoon.  At least Faendra will not have easy access to my person if I am in either of those places.   Of course, there is always my Garrison to hide out in, however, I do dislike freezing my ass off every time the wind blows.  I just can’t afford to have any mishaps or other distractions until I can get my life back under control.

Fnar Dawnglory

OOC – June 27th … Why Do You Do That?


June 27th, 2017

LOL had some physical issues that kept me from playing World of Warcraft for a couple of days and when I did – where do I start again?  I do know that I have a few characters out roaming about and I still play the majority of them to get inspired about writing again, however, that doesn’t work sometimes and this was one of those times.  I also go through phases sometimes when I have the double-kicker of getting depressed at the same time that I am physically not feeling well.

I know part of my problem is not getting out and actually interacting with RL people doesn’t help a whole lot, however, being a caregiver for someone that is disabled does make it rather challenging sometimes to be able to do that sort of thing.   Part of my depression stems from the fact that I know that things aren’t going to change in RL and that the majority of the people that I used to play with in-game are not longer playing and apparently have no intentions of coming back.  Oh well, that’s life with the gaming world and I am going to have to accept it.

I am probably a terrible gamer, however, I enjoy what I do and since I tend to do things solo, I enjoy things for what they are – strictly entertainment and not a career building endeavor. I love the fantasy of gaming and the escape from reality – there are times when it’s not so easy to escape the reality that time is passing and I’m not getting any younger either.  In my mind, I’m still Peter Pan with Tinkerbell, however, looking at my body, I know better than that.  Gravity does bad things to your body when you age and you can’t ignore it.

It has been rather peculiar that I am finding myself being drawn more to the Old Content in-game due to the storylines and to the gaming itself.  I love the Lore of the game although it has been botched up so many times now that I am getting “anything goes” out of it a lot of the time.  It’s much easier to get lost and channeled in the fantasy world when you are actually enjoying what you’re doing – I’m not enjoying a lot of the Legion stuff because there is a ton of it to do and there is no point to it when you already know that you aren’t going to get to finish it  – the only place I can’t fly is in Legion, too many hoops and I just don’t feel like playing that way.

Still love the game and the people in it, however, I might take a hiatus here in the near future because it does seem as though I am getting to the point that I don’t want to log in if I feel like I have to play on the Broken Shore.  I have had fun with it when I do get in there for awhile and then I have to take a break from it because it becomes too tedious.  I was the same way in Draenor for a while too because I was late getting my flying there as well, took freaking forever.

The only choice we have been given in the last two expansions is to do the Pathfinder requirements – I usually get kissed when I have sex, however, since I’m paying for it – seems like I just got screwed.  Legion is definitely going to be my last expansion and I have plenty of characters to keep me busy for the rest of my natural life.

Okay, time to put forth some effort in my writing and get on with the show, if I play my way and immerse myself in my characters’ “lives” I might stick with it a bit longer.  I used to enjoy writing quite a bit even if it is all drabble and nonsense – I’m not a professional writer and I just write for the fun of it, if I had any intentions of earning a living with it, I’ve long since given that up.

See you all in-game and I do apologize for my wandering rant here, it’s a mood thing that will soon pass, I hope.