July 8th – Life Goes On…Right?

*Remember that this particular character is pretty outspoken and has no filter on his language – might be a few words in here that are not fit for people to read that are easily offended. *

 

 

July 8th

 

Yo Book!!

I knew that I was fucking getting run-down and didn’t feel like my normal self, however, I didn’t realize what real exhaustion can do to you sometimes.  I know that I have been burning the candle at both ends and trying to cure some of that with imbibing in more alcohol than I should.  Now, I’ve been fucking told that I had better knock that nonsense off if I plan on living long enough to find Romy and the kids.  I know that I have felt like there is never going to be an end to this and I will spend the rest of my living days searching for my wife and children.

Yes, I fucking said the word – WIFE.  My intent when I got home from Draenor was to take her to a magistrate or to one of the monks in Pandaria and for us to get married.  Yes, that legal and binding thing that people do when they love one another with their entire being. Well, that got shot to Hell and Gone when I got back and she was missing.  In my mind and in my heart, we’re already married and have been since the day we met – I wasn’t just smitten with her physical beauty, I was smitten with her soul and her sheer love of life. Yeah, I know it’s stupid, however, I do believe in “love at first sight” because it has happened to me and I have lost all interest in other women – that was quite a shock in the womanizer that I used to be. To say that I was experienced is an understatement – I had gone on some rough mileage at times.

What brought this outburst on, you might ask?  Well, I was talking with Fnor and he mentioned that I looked a little tired and maybe I should just take some time off.  I did tell him about the way that his sister was acting with me again and that set him off on temper tantrum that seemed to be more than just his usual outburst.  I told him about her comments and the way that she had acted very recently which just made him angrier at her.  There are days that I ask myself “why me?” I do try to keep going and try to overlook a lot of her overtures’ that had ceased for a while, however, with Romy out of the picture, she is on me as a target once again.

I have known Faendra since she was a kid. Hell, she and my sister, Felessa, were best friends until she started chasing after me like a bitch in heat.  I know that this has been going on for years and has caused Fnor and I some major problems, however, it has not interfered with our friendship.  There are times when I wonder if Fnor isn’t all that bright when it comes to females and how dangerous they can be – with his experiences, he should have clue by now.

I know that Jongu has mentioned to me that he doesn’t like that other Blood Elf female that comes by the house sometimes.  He said she isn’t nice to him and thinks that she has sneaky streak and might steal things when I’m not there and he is busy doing other things.  Hmmm, that’s unusual for Jongu because he’s always liked everyone to my knowledge.  I wonder what he was hinting at, he’s a strange fellow and I like having him around and he works cheap since I told him he can sell his chicken and dumplings at the market.  I know we are still having that problem with the chickens dropping dead at the farm every once in a while, – we have still not figured out what is up with that, however, it doesn’t seem to cause any issues when we eat them.  Oh well, I’ll just keep my eyes out for that little bitch.

While I was talking with Fnor, a weird thing happened.  I either passed out or I fainted and I woke up with a healer standing over me and shaking her head.  She said I was suffering from exhaustion and that my body was showing some signs of trouble from my drinking.  Well, that wasn’t a real surprise to me, I know I have been drinking quite a bit.  She also told me that I was talking while I was out and crying – my emotions seemed more than a little bit raw. 

The weird thing that happened was I was talking and I heard my daughter’s voice like she was standing there with Fnor and I.  I felt my heart give a lurch when I heard the voice and I passed out.  How can she be here and not here?  I know that I still have a chill when I think about it, I don’t want to think that she is in the afterlife and it was her spirit talking to me – she can’t be dead and neither can Romy and my son be dead.  I won’t believe it, I refuse to believe.  Anyway, long story short, she told me to take some time off and possibly get out of Pandaria for a while and go back to the Eastern Kingdoms, get some rest and see if I can’t quieten my mind some.

I told Fnor what the healer had told me and he told me to go back to Silvermoon and stay at the house there for a while.  He would get in touch with Agatha to let her know that I was coming and to make sure that she keeps Faendra away from me if she should show up.  So, I am going to take the advice and take some time off, drop the letter from the healer off in Orgrimmar and go home for a while to Silvermoon.

 

Fnar Dawnglory

 

 

 

Still Searching…Frustrating…

June 28th

Yo Book!!

I know that I have spent way too much fucking time just trying to find Romy and the children.  I wonder if my feelings are wrong and I won’t be able to find them – ever.  The thought of giving up on finding them is breaking my heart and my mind just doesn’t want to believe that they have just fucking disappeared forever.  My love, my daughter and the son I’ve never seen – how can this be?

I have worked my ass off for the Horde and I keep getting sent away to places that I could care less about than where my would-be wife and children are.  Every time I feel like I am making some progress on my search, I get recalled to that stupid Garrison in Draenor or they expect me to head to the Broken Shore with my men.  No, I don’t want to go, I want to find my family and then I can spend my time with them and then attend to my duties.  My family must take the priority in my life.  Fuck the reigning parties at this point, The Banshee Queen as the Warchief?  How can that be?  The most evil of all women and she is going to lead the Horde to its own destruction.   I’m still following the orders that I get from the Regent Lord and obeying the pledge that I gave for my people, however, this new regime is not to my personal liking at all.

It’s been months since my family disappeared and all we have are a little shoe that belonged to my son and the rumors that there may have been some survivors at the crash site of the Zep, however, where did they go?  Did they get some medical attention?  Have the left the area or are they being held prisoner by someone?  So many questions unanswered.

I looked in the mirror this morning and saw myself and can tell that this worrying and stress has taken a toll on me physically.  Too much drinking and too much depression has left its mark and it will be a while before that goes away, I’m sure.  At least I don’t have any gray hair showing in my hair yet, that would be a definite worry for me because I have always been vain about my appearance.  Yes, I do need to start thinking about other things and trying to rebuild some of my life instead of just living it one day at a time.

I am going to have to take my life in hand and try to get on with something normal.  I can’t just keep hoping that they will all turn up and things will be as they once were.  That never happens, we can’t erase the time that has gone by and I can’t step back into the lives of my children when they probably don’t even remember what I look like – my son has never seen me, so, the little fellow would have no clue as to whom I might be.  Has Romy survived this and has she gotten on with her life or is she still trying to come back to me – I don’t know.  In my heart, I want her back so badly that it is almost painful to dwell on it so much.   That red hair, those lovely arms that held me so tightly and the kisses that would make any man swoon with desire.  I truly had never known the passion that this one woman could arouse in me and she was the only one that ever pulled me to that level – I miss her voice, that lilting laughter, that quick wit. Just the sheer longing for her causes me such emotional and physical pain that I can hardly manage it.

No, I have not been with another woman and haven’t been with anyone for over a year and my libido is sadly missing at this point.  Now, I have another problem.  It appears Faendra Morningstar has decided in her infinite wisdom that Romy is never coming back and that I should take her as my wife. That is never going to happen, even if there were a remote possibility of it happening.  She is truly making a pest of herself.

I have decided that I will leave Pandaria, the farm will be taken care of by my friends and I will try to stay in Orgrimmar for a while or even Silvermoon.  At least Faendra will not have easy access to my person if I am in either of those places.   Of course, there is always my Garrison to hide out in, however, I do dislike freezing my ass off every time the wind blows.  I just can’t afford to have any mishaps or other distractions until I can get my life back under control.

Fnar Dawnglory

Still Searching…

*Some coarse language used, please do not read if you’re easily offended. *

 

February 2nd

Yo Book!!

It’s been a while since I have written in my journal, however, I have been rather busy trying to keep up with my fucking duties and trying to find my wayward woman and my children.  It’s not been easy and I have spent a hell of lot of time trying to figure out where she could have fucking disappeared too.

I think I’ve gone through spells of depression and then I got angry and back to the depression again. I have my own way of grieving and sometimes it works better than it has currently.   Romy was such a large part of my life and the kids were everything I had ever hoped for – now, they are gone.  I think the loneliness is the hardest part to handle and it will be with me until I can get some closure on this or at least fucking find them.  I know that she was stubborn and was always good at taking care of herself, however, I never thought that she would just pack up and leave like she appears to have done.   When I am not on duty, I’m trying to follow up on any clues that I might have uncovered and it has taken this long for me to sit here and just write.

I’ve talked to so many people in Pandaria and searched the place until I can hardly stand it – she and the children are not here and it does point more to her leaving and going to Northrend. Of course, tracking down the pack that she was always with before has been more of a challenge than anything else.

Let me explain this a little bit.  Romy was with a group of family members that have chosen a different lifestyle and handle things more in the ways of wolves.  They have the Alpha males and females and everyone raises the kids together.  They tend to hunt in packs or something of that nature which has allowed them to survive in the northern part of Northrend.  I had met them all before we were together and had talked to many of the leaders, bonding with them.   Now, I can’t even seem to find all the old encampments.  It’s almost as if they have disappeared.

Of course, there is another branch of the family that is more civilized that the Northrend group, although, that could be debatable.  Naturally, the branch that lives in and around Silvermoon are more of the matriarchal society than anything else. It almost reminds me of how the Night Elves live most of the time than true Sindorei.  I think that these traditions and habits that they appear to have are more based on High Born practices than most want others want to show.  Makes me wonder about the family bloodlines a bit but that is beside the point.  I just want to find Romy and my children and get them back home with me.  Sometimes the loneliness is more than I can stand.

Romy had left some pictures behind when she left the farm in Half Hill and I have gathered them up and put them away so that nothing will happen to them and she can have them when she returns. Pictures of us being happy together and pictures of the children.  Yes, I finally got to see what my boy looks like and I must say that he looks more like his Mother than he does me – the red hair and coloring.  I bet he will grow up to be a very handsome young man.   I hope that I can find them all before he is a man – just knowing that they are all out there somewhere makes my heart keep hope that we will be together again someday.  I know that there are times that I have a terrible time holding back my tears and they are even streaming down my face as I write.

How could such happiness just disappear, how could the love we had seemed to have changed for some reason?  I’m afraid that I have truly brutalized Faendra with my suspicions that she might have had something to do with their disappearance to the point that she wrote to her brother and begged him to tell me that she had nothing to do with them being gone.  Yes, she did say that she still loved me, however, she would never do anything to Romy or the babies – they were mine and she knew how much I loved them.

Ah well, I suppose that I should quit writing tonight and head out to do some wandering around and visiting with some of the neighbors here in Half Hill.  I know that the women always ask if I had found Romy yet, which tears the wound open a bit.

Fnar Dawnglory

 

 

Lost…

*Some Language – if you are offended easily, please do not read*

 

October 20th

 

Yo Book!

I will have to admit that I haven’t written in this damned thing in a while and that’s because I have been busy with my duties in Draenor and trying to figure out a way to get home to see Romy and the kids in Halfhill.  Well, the Legion kind of helped that out because the Horde leadership has decided that it’s military needs to address that situation rather than maintain a peacekeeping force in Draenor – huzzah!!

I know that it has been close to a year since I have been home and it has cost me dearly.  Fnor kept telling people that we needed to be focused on what was happening in our own timeline and his warnings just kept falling on deaf ears.  Damned bureaucrats – now they have their hands full and we are supposed to clean it up.

All I can say is that Draenor has cost me dearly – I’ve lost my family or they are hiding from everyone, I don’t know what is going on.  Romy had written me that she was taking the kids to Northrend to spend some time with the family up there and that’s the last I heard from her.  I have checked with her family and have even gone to Northrend – no one has fucking seen them.  How can a woman and two small kids disappear off the face of the planet without anyone having ever seen them?  To say that this is a nightmare is putting it lightly – I’m scared, I’m angry and I’m heartbroken.  All my hopes and dreams have been trashed and here I am wandering around trying to put all the pieces together again.

I tried drinking myself into oblivion more than once since I got back to Halfhill and there didn’t seem to be enough booze to drown my heartache.  I couldn’t get drunk enough to stop thinking about my family, my love, my life and my children.  What has fucking happened to them?  Are they safe?   Are they even alive?  This is totally unlike Romy as far as I know and I know that she loved me as much as I love her – where did she go?  Did she try to take the kids and make the trip to Draenor to surprise me?  So many fucking questions and no answers from anyone.

Fnor and I both have sent out search parties from the company and we’re paying the people dearly to see if they can find any trace of them.  I’ve cried until I have no more tears and have gone without sleep to the point that there are days that I have lost wandering around in a fog.  Where are they?  My son was born while I was in Draenor and I haven’t even held him or seen him – why did this have to happen?  All of my life I have wanted a family – now the Fates have taken away from me.  No, I won’t give up and I’ll keep looking for them.

Fnar Dawnglory

 

Nothing Really Changes…

June 16th

Yo Book!!

What the Hell is going on with the people back in Orgrimmar.  They ship our asses to Draenor and we’re supposed to stay here for the duration without any thought to our homes and families back on Azeroth?  Not gonna happen if you ask me because I don’t think that they thought this shit all the way through.  I know that I can’t fucking be the only man out here in this hole that thinks this way – most of us have loved ones back in Azeroth that we worry about and that we want to see with some regularity.

I’ve requested a leave multiple times and all of them have been refused because “as a Commander” my presence is required here in Draenor.  I call Bullshit on that one.  My Garrison can run just fine without my being here all of the time, I’ve proven that a couple of times by taking off to do some exploring for a week or two and returned to my Garrison to find things running just as smoothly – the only thing that wasn’t done was the bloody paperwork, which I did in a day.

I know that I want to go back to Halfhill to see Romy and Mirrin – I miss my family.  Not only do I miss my family I am missing the time that Romy is pregnant with our second child.  I worry constantly about her and hope that she is having an easy time of it with this pregnancy.  I know that she is safe in Halfhill and we have a lot of friends that are still there that can help her if she needs it, however, it’s not the same as my being there with her.  I really want us to get married before the second baby arrives, we didn’t have time to do that before I had to leave for Draenor and that has me more than a little bit upset with the way that things were dealt with before I left.

It’s not that I can’t leave Draenor, it’s the fact that I don’t want to leave my command without following the proper protocols in order to do it.  I wouldn’t want to leave without permission because then everything that I have worked for my entire adult life would be lost because I would be considered a deserter and that’s not something that I want to have to carry along in my life.  I took an Oath to serve the Regent and also the Horde if he so ordered it – now, here I sit, hanging onto the fact that I am honor bound to keep my oath.

I know that Fnor has even tried to resign his position here in Draenor and his resignation was refused.  I hope that he can keep going through his diplomatic channels and will finally get someone back in Orgrimmar to realize that the troops need to have the ability to take a leave so that they can be assured that their families are doing okay in their absence.  I don’t know how he is handling this emotionally because not only does he have his family to worry about, he’s also trying to keep the company going for all of us involved.  The man has always been workhorse when it comes to taking care of things, however, I always wonder if he will ever just reach a limit of what he thinks that he can do.  I know that he is desperate to see Amyn and he has a double whammy there with her being a Sentinel – yeah, I know different factions and all that aside – they have been together for years and their sons are getting to the age to where they could be sent Draenor as well.  I know that is one thing that has always amazed me about my best friend, he always seems to be cool, calm and collected  even if he is in a total turmoil internally.

Of course, I still get letters from Romy and she tells me that everything is going well.  It’s just not the same as seeing things with my own fucking eyes.  Let’s not even mention the fact that I am so damned lonely here sometimes that I can barely stand it.   Sure, I’m surrounded by people all of the time here in the Garrison, however, I need that special someone that I love more than life itself.

Yes, I’m a man, I have my own wants, needs and desires, however, I have been extremely careful with my desires because I have taken a vow in my own heart to Romy and I don’t want to break that vow in any way shape or form.  I’ll admit that it is hard to walk away from some of these attractive offers sometimes but I always think of Romy and walk away – cold showers are becoming a mainstay in my life now.   I won’t even go on to discuss the dreams that I have that have gotten even more heated in the last few weeks – it might be the change of seasons and it might also be the fact that I just want to get back home to my family too.

Fnar Dawnglory

Gonna Be A Daddy…Again!

* WARNING :  Language may be offensive to some… please do not read if you’re easily offended. *

 

 

 

 

 

 

January 6th

Yo Book!!

Fuck me!! I should know better than to go out and tie one on especially when I am in a strange place and in a bit of a foul mood to start with.  At least I had Romy’s Dad with me and Fnor which made it a little bit okay, however, I know how the fuck I get when I’m loaded.  I know that I didn’t do anything that I should be upset about…like going off with some woman or something, which might have been the case before I started living with Romy.

I know that I had the worst headache of my life when I woke up and felt like I had a bunch of Pandaren running through my mouth with their boots on.  You know fucking feeling of dry mouth, furry tongue and feeling like you’ve eaten something you shouldn’t?   I know that my breathe could have knocked dragons out of the sky because I could even notice it.

What the fuck were we drinking?  I know that Fnor and I decided that we would try out some of the local brews and that’s where we made our first mistake.  I don’t know who is doing the brewing, however, I know that I am going to be brushing my teeth for days to get that scummy feeling off of them.  I know that I have had liquor from all over Azeroth and I have probably had quite a few drinks that weren’t exactly legal or the best, however, I don’t think that I have ever had the feeling that I may have eaten someone’s boots while I was drunk though.   I think the closest that I have come to barfing in my life was from some beer that had gone bad that we had high jacked coming out of IF a long long time ago. At least we learned not to take booze coming from that area  because they were probably sending it out to be disposed of – you know, like burning it or something?

So, let’s just fucking say that I didn’t exactly start out the New Year the way that I hoped that I would.  I know that my troops here in the Garrison have been kind of avoiding me a little bit and that’s okay because I know that I can get to be rather belligerent sometimes when I’ve been drinking, depending at what my mood was like before I started imbibing.  At least Romy’s Dad was here and he apparently has been running the place while I was recovering.   It has never taken me this long to get over a drunk, that’s why I am thinking that we probably drank embalming fluid or something, I feel like I damned near fucking died.  As a side note, Romy’s Dad made sure that Fnor got home and I was in no condition of making sure of that myself – he made sure I made it back too, nice fellow.  Good thing he is a Death Knight because he was going drink for drink with us there for a while, however, it doesn’t affect those fellows the same way it does mere mortals.

At least I can look back on this Winter Veil with some good feelings to mix in with the bad.  The good being that I know that Romy got the gifts that I sent to her and little Mirrin in Halfhill and I also got the news that I am going to be a Daddy again.  I was so over the moon with joy with that news!! Mirrin will have a baby brother or sister!!  I also know that with Romy being pregnant, she won’t have to report in for duty and come to Draenor , as much as I would love to see her, I am happier knowing that she is out of harm’s way and will be at the farm with both kids – the one not born yet and Mirrin.

I know that when I first got the news I was thrilled to death and then I was unhappy because I won’t be there with Romy to help her with things.  I know she had a terrible time with her pregnancy with Mirrin, however, that had a lot to do with her injuries that she had prior to the time that we found out she was with child and the drugs that were given to her.  I know that we were both worried sick about what might happen to the baby and that added to the problems that could come along with it.

I know that part of me is thrilled beyond belief at the prospects of having another child and part of me is very resentful that I will not be there for most of the pregnancy due to my duties here in Draenor too.   One of the things that they failed to tell you when you took the duty in Draenor is how difficult it is to make the transition or travel back to our own Azeroth.  It’s not like I just head out on my mount and hit a portal somewhere and get “home” again – you have to make arrangements and pay through the nose to do it.  I know that I am going to be making some arrangements to get home soon though because I want to make sure that things are going okay for Romy and the children.

Yes, I am sitting here with a big assed grin on my face because I am going to be a Father again.  I mean it’s not like a fellow can’t do that sort of thing, however, for someone like me that has never really had a family, it’s something that I am going to enjoy as much as I can.  Maybe when I get home this time, Romy will have the time to get away from things and we can finally get married.  I don’t want my children growing up with the stigma that I did.

 

Fnor Dawnglory

 

 

 

I Don’t Want To Be Here…

*Some language – if you’re easily offended by a few F bombs, please don’t read this.*

 

December 21st

Yo Book!

I know that I am going to be spending quite a bit of time writing in my journal these days since I couldn’t get that extra time that I was trying to get from our government.  I wonder how I can have it put in my record that I fucking didn’t want to go to Draenor, it’s not my problem to deal with, is it?

I know that I spent a small fortune trying to get out of going, not because of my lack of patriotism , it was due to the fact that I didn’t want to leave Romy and I didn’t want to leave my daughter behind in Pandaria.  I wanted to spend at least one more Winter Veil with my family before I had to report back into this madness.   I tried doing everything short of fucking maiming myself to keep from going back into the service.  I tried bribing, I tried threatening and I even tried to ignore the fact that I had letters that said I needed to report for duty and assignment, however, I kept getting letters.

One thing that I did get from all of it is that I do get to go back to Pandaria for a few days after the initial assault  and getting things set up for the duration there.  I know that I have seen Fnor and he isn’t happy with the way that things are going either because it just doesn’t make sense for us to have a full scale army in the place when all we really need is a group of people tracking the idiot Garrosh down and giving him the justice that he deserved.   Oh well, I suppose there are other underlying things that I don’t know about yet that are forcing this assault – it’s not my concern how other things are dealt with because I don’t fucking want to be here.

I know Romy was none too pleased with the idea that I had to leave her and Mirrin in Halfhill and go off on this new assignment and I hope that she doesn’t really blame me for the changes.  I didn’t want to go and I sure as hell didn’t want to go at this time of year either.  This is the time of year when you want to spend it with your damned family, not running through the snow in some foreign country doing the things that you were trained to do to protect your own homeland.

I know that Romy and I have spent more time making love to each other as if there may not be another tomorrow, there may not be – there are no guarantees in war.  I just know that I didn’t want to leave my woman behind and I didn’t want to leave my daughter behind to fend for themselves.  I know that Romy will keep things safe for the two of them, however, I have the constant fear that she will get called up and what will happen with Mirrin then?  I have more concerns about my family than I do about my military obligations at this point.   Part of me hopes that we’ve made another baby because that would keep Romy out of the fighting for a while and it would give Mirrin a sibling to grow up with – something that I don’t regret having when Felessa and I were small either – there was still a feeling of family there.

I wish that we had gotten married before I left, that is weighing heavily on my mind and my heart.  I wanted to get married, however, the amount of time that I was given to get prepared to leave and get my ass here just didn’t give enough time for us to do that.  Maybe Romy can pull something together before I get back to where we can get married before I have to come back here.

It’s bloody cold, this garrison that I am supposedly in charge of is a real dump as far as I am concerned.  As far as encampments go, it was a poor choice of location.  Supplies are hard to come by and I am surrounded constantly by fucking Orcs. It’s not their fault, however, it sure doesn’t make me enjoy things more by being outnumbered by the people that I know really have no respect for the Sindorei.  Yes, we’re part of the Horde and yes, we will do our duty, however, I just get the feeling that the Orcs just tolerate us to have us take the brunt of the fighting.  Our people are just now starting to recover our population from the wars previously and to have to sacrifice more of my people now is just asinine.

When I am not on duty, I try to get away from the garrison as much as possible.  I have no privacy there to start with and the smell of the barracks is enough to make you want to gag.  At least we had tents that were aired frequently and we had our own bunks – not these shared hammocks that I know the previous occupants were not real keen on cleanliness.   I am supposed to be a person of some rank here, however, that doesn’t seem to mean anything if I am treated like just another peon.  Rank be damned, it’s a fucking joke.

I give out orders, send out patrols and hope to hell they aren’t stupid and make their way back to the garrison in one piece.   No, I would much rather be out there on patrols so that I can see what is going on in this damned place and possibly get an idea of why we are all here  – I just have to wonder what my superiors are thinking all of the time.   There is nothing clearly defined as far as I can tell right now and it is very confusing not having a true sense of direction.  I know that this is the first time that I have felt like I was at a total loss as to what all of this really means to me, to my countrymen and for Azeroth.

Yes, we’re here to help pull this place back into order and to curb the influence of the Iron Horde, however, when it is all said and done – what difference will it really make?

Oh well, I’m just fucking ranting here and I can feel myself getting angrier and angrier at the circumstances.  I think that it’s time that Dawn and I took off and did some hunting and fishing for a few hours so that I can get my fucking emotions in check.

Fnar Dawnglory