Still Searching…


*Some coarse language used, please do not read if you’re easily offended. *

 

February 2nd

Yo Book!!

It’s been a while since I have written in my journal, however, I have been rather busy trying to keep up with my fucking duties and trying to find my wayward woman and my children.  It’s not been easy and I have spent a hell of lot of time trying to figure out where she could have fucking disappeared too.

I think I’ve gone through spells of depression and then I got angry and back to the depression again. I have my own way of grieving and sometimes it works better than it has currently.   Romy was such a large part of my life and the kids were everything I had ever hoped for – now, they are gone.  I think the loneliness is the hardest part to handle and it will be with me until I can get some closure on this or at least fucking find them.  I know that she was stubborn and was always good at taking care of herself, however, I never thought that she would just pack up and leave like she appears to have done.   When I am not on duty, I’m trying to follow up on any clues that I might have uncovered and it has taken this long for me to sit here and just write.

I’ve talked to so many people in Pandaria and searched the place until I can hardly stand it – she and the children are not here and it does point more to her leaving and going to Northrend. Of course, tracking down the pack that she was always with before has been more of a challenge than anything else.

Let me explain this a little bit.  Romy was with a group of family members that have chosen a different lifestyle and handle things more in the ways of wolves.  They have the Alpha males and females and everyone raises the kids together.  They tend to hunt in packs or something of that nature which has allowed them to survive in the northern part of Northrend.  I had met them all before we were together and had talked to many of the leaders, bonding with them.   Now, I can’t even seem to find all the old encampments.  It’s almost as if they have disappeared.

Of course, there is another branch of the family that is more civilized that the Northrend group, although, that could be debatable.  Naturally, the branch that lives in and around Silvermoon are more of the matriarchal society than anything else. It almost reminds me of how the Night Elves live most of the time than true Sindorei.  I think that these traditions and habits that they appear to have are more based on High Born practices than most want others want to show.  Makes me wonder about the family bloodlines a bit but that is beside the point.  I just want to find Romy and my children and get them back home with me.  Sometimes the loneliness is more than I can stand.

Romy had left some pictures behind when she left the farm in Half Hill and I have gathered them up and put them away so that nothing will happen to them and she can have them when she returns. Pictures of us being happy together and pictures of the children.  Yes, I finally got to see what my boy looks like and I must say that he looks more like his Mother than he does me – the red hair and coloring.  I bet he will grow up to be a very handsome young man.   I hope that I can find them all before he is a man – just knowing that they are all out there somewhere makes my heart keep hope that we will be together again someday.  I know that there are times that I have a terrible time holding back my tears and they are even streaming down my face as I write.

How could such happiness just disappear, how could the love we had seemed to have changed for some reason?  I’m afraid that I have truly brutalized Faendra with my suspicions that she might have had something to do with their disappearance to the point that she wrote to her brother and begged him to tell me that she had nothing to do with them being gone.  Yes, she did say that she still loved me, however, she would never do anything to Romy or the babies – they were mine and she knew how much I loved them.

Ah well, I suppose that I should quit writing tonight and head out to do some wandering around and visiting with some of the neighbors here in Half Hill.  I know that the women always ask if I had found Romy yet, which tears the wound open a bit.

Fnar Dawnglory

 

 

Lost…


*Some Language – if you are offended easily, please do not read*

 

October 20th

 

Yo Book!

I will have to admit that I haven’t written in this damned thing in a while and that’s because I have been busy with my duties in Draenor and trying to figure out a way to get home to see Romy and the kids in Halfhill.  Well, the Legion kind of helped that out because the Horde leadership has decided that it’s military needs to address that situation rather than maintain a peacekeeping force in Draenor – huzzah!!

I know that it has been close to a year since I have been home and it has cost me dearly.  Fnor kept telling people that we needed to be focused on what was happening in our own timeline and his warnings just kept falling on deaf ears.  Damned bureaucrats – now they have their hands full and we are supposed to clean it up.

All I can say is that Draenor has cost me dearly – I’ve lost my family or they are hiding from everyone, I don’t know what is going on.  Romy had written me that she was taking the kids to Northrend to spend some time with the family up there and that’s the last I heard from her.  I have checked with her family and have even gone to Northrend – no one has fucking seen them.  How can a woman and two small kids disappear off the face of the planet without anyone having ever seen them?  To say that this is a nightmare is putting it lightly – I’m scared, I’m angry and I’m heartbroken.  All my hopes and dreams have been trashed and here I am wandering around trying to put all the pieces together again.

I tried drinking myself into oblivion more than once since I got back to Halfhill and there didn’t seem to be enough booze to drown my heartache.  I couldn’t get drunk enough to stop thinking about my family, my love, my life and my children.  What has fucking happened to them?  Are they safe?   Are they even alive?  This is totally unlike Romy as far as I know and I know that she loved me as much as I love her – where did she go?  Did she try to take the kids and make the trip to Draenor to surprise me?  So many fucking questions and no answers from anyone.

Fnor and I both have sent out search parties from the company and we’re paying the people dearly to see if they can find any trace of them.  I’ve cried until I have no more tears and have gone without sleep to the point that there are days that I have lost wandering around in a fog.  Where are they?  My son was born while I was in Draenor and I haven’t even held him or seen him – why did this have to happen?  All of my life I have wanted a family – now the Fates have taken away from me.  No, I won’t give up and I’ll keep looking for them.

Fnar Dawnglory

 

A Time For Change…


December 9th

Dear Journal,

Well, I guess that our peaceful times in Pandaria are drawing quickly to a close because I’ve just been informed that I need to report back to Stormwind for assignment.  Kae also got a letter to report back too, at least, we might get assigned together. That sure didn’t take long did it?  I suppose that it’s not unexpected considering the amount of noise the rumors had been making and now, we have the issues going on in the Blasted Lands.   There truly was a reason that they called this place “The Blasted Lands” to start with because it was adjacent to the Dark Portal where the battles were fought in Outland with the Dark Legion.  This was all written up in the history books that I’m sure that the majority of us have read and yet, it never truly went away did it.

I know that I was one of those people that thought that with the defeat and the capture of the Warchief would have been the end of things for a while, however, there doesn’t seem to be much of a respite is there?  I was not present in Pandaria for this so-called trial that was held there and possibly it is a  good thing that I wasn’t because it may not have ended well. I know that the news coming from the Temple set us all reeling – Garrosh had escaped.  What with all of the security in place not only furnished by all of the known leaders in the world of Azeroth, there were also security put into place by the Pandaren and the Celestials.  One would have thought that all of the bases were covered, however, that was not to be because the infiltrator was staunchly already installed in the controlling area. What a horrific outcome to such an emotionally charged historical event.

I wish it were possible for me to just step away and make myself believe that none of this actually happened and that things were just as they were.  I can make myself deny just about anything, however, I don’t think that I can even pull this off.  Sure, you can lie to other people, if you so desire, however, the one person that you can’t lie too is yourself.  Lying to oneself and then forcing yourself to believe that lie is something that I’m sure that books have been written about.  Making your fantasy into your reality is a hard-fought  goal in life, however, if that goal was started off as lie – then everything that you have done in your life is false, regardless if you have reached that goal.

I think that I understand why my Father is the way that he is because his entire life has been involved in the politics of Azeroth and the military, even if, he didn’t want it to be.   Yes, he told me years ago that I had better enjoy any respites that came my way between the conflicts of the factions because there truly was never any real long-lasting peace between the Horde and the Alliance.  I wish that things were different and I thought the fight we were waging in Pandaria might have taught us all something – that the anger and the hatred that we have felt for each of the factions has done nothing except to breed more evil in the world.  I think that I was a fool for having that kind of hope or dream because it definitely hasn’t come to pass.

I had noticed that a lot of the farms that we had in the area are being turned back over to the Pandaren and thought possibly that some of the owners had been reassigned to other regions, however, I now know that all of the rumors were real and I just kept burying my head in the sand.  The few civilians that are left here in Pandaria are all getting rather anxious because it is as if we’re all waiting for the other shoe to drop.    I know that it isn’t often that I have had to change my plans in my life, however, this is the price you pay for being an adult in this world.  It’s time for me to put away my youthful dreams and to face the realities of this world.

I know that Kae and I have worked ourselves to death to get this farm the way that we wanted it and now it appears as if we are going to have to hand it over to someone to care for us while we are away.  We’re not selling the farm, I will never sell the farm because it is truly the very first thing that I have ever truly owned.  I know that Kae feels the same way because she isn’t very happy about being uprooted and told that she has to move again.  She’s never really had a home like I have and this is the first time that she had ever felt comfortable enough to put down roots.  Now, all of that is for naught and we both have to say our farewells to the people that we have befriended and have come to love over time.

I wish we had more time before we have to report to Stormwind because I would like to roam around in some of my favorite spots in Pandaria and just memorize everything  so that I will have something to look back on when I need it.  Yes, I think we all have memories that we have to cling too sometimes to keep our sanity in times of stress, in times of war, in times of losing out dreams.

I suppose I had better finish pack up my things that need to take so that Kae and I can make the journey to Stormwind.  I’m sure that my Mother is already well aware of the things that have been going on and is already making her preparations to rejoin the Sentinels if needed.

May Elune guide our steps in our future endeavors to guard our families and homes.

Kaldor Shadowmoon

Broken Vows And Shattered Dreams…


Written in very cursive script denoting the maturity and education of the author

 

June 29th

Dear Journal,

Well, I’ve done something that I took an oath with myself about that I have broken.  Good or bad, the deed has been done and can’t be undone.  Everyone knows my feelings about Dalaran and how much I have been thinking about the place since we were driven out by that insane Proudmore wench. Everyone that knows that I am married to Amyn knows my feelings there as well.

I finally got up the nerve and with the help of a good friend of mind, I got myself heavily disguised as a rather older Kaldorei and decided to take the trip back to where I’ve longed to be since I left.  I almost wish that I hadn’t done it now because I was absolutely heartsick by the time I left.  I just went to see the sights and to see how much things had changed.  It almost seems like an alien place to me now and I doubt that I will ever return to what was once my home of choice for so many years.  So much of my life was spent there.

The house that I had remodeled and put my heart into is no longer the same.  It’s now an office type of place housing who knows what and it appears as though the upstairs may be some kind of barracks for some of the officers stationed in Northrend.  Let’s just say that anything that was remotely Sindorei has been removed or destroyed, disfigured or just erased from any surface.  The slate floor in the foyer is ruined by all standards and it looks as though they haven’t even attempted to keep the place up at all.

I guess it is true that you can’t go “home” again after having been away from it for so long.  Things change and time moves on, so, nothing is ever the same as it was that you had in your memory for nostalgia to call up.  Oh well, I suppose that I shouldn’t have been as shocked as I was because Amyn has told me about some of the changes and it isn’t like I didn’t believe her, however, one does tend to filter out some information when we find it unpleasant or not to our liking.

I did spend a great deal of time wandering about and looking into some of the different shops that I would frequent when I was in town and I was very dismayed to see that the new owners were primarily human or gnomes in some cases.  Gone are the days of stopping in to visit with a shopkeeper and having a nice friendly chat and possibly coming up with some good bargains due to a friendship that had been nurtured over the years. Ah well, no sense in me dwelling on things in the past, however, I did love that city.

I’ll be the first to admit that when I got back to Silvermoon and retired to my rooms, unnoticed I might add other than a passing glance and a cursory wave from Agatha’s little sister as we passed in the great room.  She’s a likeable young lady, even if she does have a wildness about her that reminds me very much of myself at her age.  I went to my rooms and sat at my desk and poured myself some nice brandy and took a long draught of it before I just sat there and wept like a schoolboy with shattered dreams.

Agatha came into my rooms,  without really knocking, she doesn’t’ have too after all of these years, however, I had a little bit of trouble maintaining my composure after my emotional dam had broken.  She and I have a long history together and she is one person on the face of Azeroth other than my wife that probably knows me better than most in my weakest moments.   She walked over to my desk and stood there for a few moments before moving closer to me and putting her arms around me as best she could before I stood up and returned her embrace.

Oh, I’ll admit that we have had our passionate moments together and we have made love without any of the strings attached, however, I have abstained from breaking my vows to Amyn until last night.  I don’t know if it was the raw emotions or just the timing as to why it actually happened.  I had just gotten back from spending time with my wife and had been properly satiated in the physical aspects of our marriage before I came back and went to Dalaran.

As I stood there with this woman in my arms, the embraces turned to kisses and the kisses became more passionate between the two of us.  Before I had even realized it, I had pushed her back against the desk and as she lowered herself to the surface, pushing the objects off, I took her.  Plain and simple, I made love to a woman that has been in my life almost as long as Amyn has.  She didn’t object and responded with the passion that I remembered very well from our time in Dalaran together.  It was like two old lovers rekindling the desire in one another that we had long since died. When I awakened this morning, Agatha was in bed with me and I’ll admit that we did make love again.  She then got up and left the room without so much as a cursory talk.

Now, do I feel guilty about what happened?  Yes, I do.  I love Amyn more than anything in this world and I know that my breaking of our vows would probably hurt her more than anyone could ever realize.  I think she might understand why it happened, however, would she be understanding enough to forgive me?  I don’t know.  Will it happen again?  Very possibly, I don’t know.  If it is just Agatha, I don’t think that Amyn would care, if she knew.  I’ve always had mistresses, Amyn was one that had won my heart and had given me our children.  Will I ever tell her?  Probably not, why would I want to hurt her that way and why would I take that risk?

I know that Agatha understands why it happened last night and I know that she will take it in stride as she has so many times in the past.  We have never said that we loved one another or anything of that nature, it’s always been a matter of comforting one another in an hour of need.  Last night was no different in my eyes, however, I do need to talk to her and see what her feelings truly are.  If she wants to continue on in the same vein as we have in the past, will she want to leave my employment to escape the chances that we might fall from grace again, I’ll have to talk with her.  We’ve never had a problem discussing all manner of things together and I don’t think that she would have any problem with this talk.

I’ll admit that I am somewhat ashamed of myself, however, at the same time, I’m giving myself the excuse that it was my emotional state that caused the weakness to overtake my common sense.   I’ll admit that these long lapses in time spent with my wife have probably made me a bit more tempted than I’d like to admit.  Agatha is a known quantity and yes, I have been attracted to some of the other women here in Silvermoon, however, I have not given into any of those desires. I feel very badly that I have broken my marriage vows to Amyn and I hope that the guilt isn’t something that will be too difficult to bear.

Fnor Morningstar

Ramblings and…Some Realizations


Written in very cursive script denoting the maturity and education of the author

March 2nd

Dear Journal,

I woke up this morning a bit before dawn and stood on the balcony outside of our bedroom here in Nagrand and allowed myself the luxury of enjoying a cigarette as I gazed out over the valley and lake.  The air was brisk in these pre-dawn hours, so, I did wrap my robe closely around me instead of allowing it to billow out as I leaned against the balcony railing.

Gazing out at the over the land, the twin moons were still floating tranquilly in the air and their light made the water of the lake appear as though it were a giant silver mirror laying there amongst the reeds. The whole scene had an almost déjà vu quality to it and would have made the hair on the back of my neck rise with the exception that I could hear my beloved Sentinel moving in the bed behind me.

If I were as talented as Dawnglory, I would have put a brush to canvas to capture this moment in time, this particular view with its pastel colours awash as the sun started to rise to chase the night mists away.  It was a beautiful sight and one that I don’t think that I will ever grow tired of.  As I stood there watching the sun bring it’s warmer colors to the area and shattering what was left of the eerie dreamlike quality it held before, I realized one of the reasons that I like Halfhill in Pandaria so much.  This area of Nagrand has some of the same qualities as the Valley of Four Winds – that peace and most of the tranquility that I feel like is displayed here in Nagrand.

Amyn and I had stayed in Shattrath City all of last week and decided that we need to escape the noise of the construction for a while and took the short flight here to Nagrand.  I will admit that Amyn was correct in her thoughts that the construction was just too noisy for any kind of proper rest.  We both were working in  the warehouse with the other workers, Amyn wearing her tool belt like it was a normal part of her attire and me, constantly swearing each time I miscalculated my aim with my hammer to nail.

How can someone that is as talented with bow that can take aim at a bird in the air and bring it down so quickly as a clean kill have so much trouble putting a nail in a piece of wood and injuring themselves?  I suppose that means that I won’t take a second career as a carpenter. Amyn didn’t have the same trouble and was constantly smiling or outright laughing at me, which seemed to make matters worse on my end.

I did notice while we were working that some of the men working with us would steal occasional glances at my beloved, making some rather interesting sounds as they watched her move ever so gracefully about her tasks.  I know that most Sindorei males haven’t seen a Kaldorei this close up without having a bow in their hands, however, I think that they might have controlled their comments a bit more.  I don’t think that any of them realized who she was or who I was for that matter, except maybe for the foreman.  I think part of my problem with putting the nail in the wood was from the distractions of hearing some of the comments in Thalasian coming from my fellow workers.  Yes, she does have long legs and yes, she does have a beautiful body – all of these things being spoken as if she didn’t understand what they were saying.   Little did they know that she understood every single word and I think she took some pleasure in taunting them a bit with various poses from time to time.

I think it was all well and good for Amyn and I to leave Shattrath and head to our home in Nagrand before I punched a couple of the fellows in their faces.  We have quite a few workers in our warehouse in Shattrath and they are of all races and both factions – it’s a funny thing how promise of money can cross those lines without any kind of political influence.  Too bad there isn’t enough money in the world to pay off all of these greedy bastards and gain some peace in the world again.

We still don’t have a housekeeper in Nagrand yet, so, we were forced to prepare our own evening meal when we arrived which didn’t take that long.  We sat there for quite a while as we ate and talked about all manner of things.  I think that we are falling back into our old habits that we had developed so easily when we were living in Dalaran.

As we would wont to do, we both retired to the master suite and filled the black marble tub with hot water where we both had enough room to step and enjoy that luxury together. It definitely brought back some old memories, this simple act of bathing together, it also reawakened the same passions that we had enjoyed in Dalaran.  That luxury of washing one another’s long hair as we sat in the hot water is very sensuous as well as relaxing.

After our bath, we retired to fireplace which we had lit before going into the bathroom to dispel the chill of night from the room.  We sat there on the rug in front of the fire in nothing more than what Elune had given us at birth and just talked.  I was able to actually sit there and admire my woman without immediately tackling her for a romantic interlude, I was actually wanting to do just that, however, I also wanted to take the time to capture this visual in my mind for all time.  Amyn took down the ivory lute from the mantle and sat down to play one of the old Kaldorei ballads – I sat there as if I had been captured in time, taking in the music as if it were the last water on the desert. It was a moment that I wish could have gone on forever.

I know that people wonder when I say things about my wife, them not knowing that she is Kaldorei, and wanting to see this lovely vision that I describe at times.  I always tell them that she is somewhere other than where she really is. One day, in my lifetime, I have a dream of being able to introduce my Sentinel to some of my friends without them wanting to kill her and damning me for the rest of all time.  Some day we will have that peace in Azeroth.

Even though Shattrath is the last open city in our worlds, there are still some people that are extremely loyal to their factions and we have to respect that and avoid them as much as possible.  There are people that harbor the old prejudices that they have brought from their homelands.  Now that I have been away from the city for several years, I am sharply reminded that the humanities haven’t really changed and aren’t that much different than what they were a long time ago.

I still marvel at how well Amyn has raised our sons and our stepsons in this ragtag community.  The boys seem to have adjusted to the life here and have been able to take that out into the world, which is a very good thing.  They had already learned how to avoid certain things before they went back to Kalimdor and the Eastern Kingdoms.   I also am forced to realize how much of their growing up was done in my absence and I will continue to try to make it up to them as time permits.  I think that the two oldest boys have come to accept me for who and what I am a lot faster than the two little guys.   Let’s just say that I love all of our children, regardless of the fact that the two little boys aren’t of my blood at all.

I think that Amyn and I have been very lucky and blessed by Elune and the Light to have been able to raise our children with such relative ease. We have both given thanks to the Naaru for the peace that they have given us here in their city.

By The Sunwell!! I am definitely waxing nostalgic, poetic or whatever this morning.  I’m just being a windbag of words while I write this all down.  I am just trying to capture on paper some of the feelings that I am having at the moment without much luck.  Pity the fool that ever reads this, they might die of boredom before they reach the end of this entry.

What I was trying to say in short and simple terms is that I am very happy being with my loving wife and I am trying to be thankful for every moment that we have together, good and bad.

Speaking of bad, I really am concerned about the things that may or may not be going on in Silvermoon in regard to my little sister.  After this last time together, I am fully realizing that I don’t really know her at all.  I almost want to ask what happened to my real sister and where the heck did this evil doppelganger come from.  The girl that sat with me at the table eating a meal before I left is not the girl that I had raised. This one is extremely dangerous and devious and I can see it, I can almost taste the danger that she has emanating from her.   Trust me, I am very fearful of what she might do next, I don’t think that she has any qualms about doing anything anymore – she could possibly go completely rogue and start killing people to get to her undisclosed goals in life.   Where is the warm loving young woman that I had loved?  This person staying in our home in Silvermoon is not that person.

It is a terrible feeling when all of your instincts are screaming at you to stay away from her.  Stay as far away as humanly possible because she is definitely a threat to your safety. I think that the next time that I return to Silvermoon I will make arrangements for her to live in one of the other houses that I own and have the main house re-warded, yet again.  I have spoken quite openly with Amyn about some of my concerns and she agreed with me after showing her canine teeth and hissing a few times.

I have always worked on the premise that if there is a danger that is unavoidable, you need to meet it head on, however, this is my sister that I’m talking about, not some enemy that has lain in wait to attack me.  Well, maybe she has been lying in wait, in full sight and I have been unable to recognize the danger until now.  Who knows what may happen in the future, I don’t and yet I do.  There will come a time, I think, where I will have to make a choice on which of us is going to survive this life.

Fnor Morningstar

To Be…Or Not To Be


February 20th

Dear Journal,

Well, isn’t this just a fine kettle of fish that I find myself in these days.  I was disowned by my family, kicked out the University and definitely put on the black list of Silvermoon society, if my Mother had her way.  That really seems to be about it, other than the fact that I was summarily booted out with just the clothes on my back and a gold filled pouch my Father decided to give me in lieu of standing up to my Mother, the raging bitch.

Oh, I suppose that I should introduce myself instead of just babbling on like this because if anyone should ever find or read this, it might be nice to know my name.  My name is Solerin Dawnshadow and I used to live in Silvermoon with a happy family.  People that know me well enough, just call me Sol.

My Mother was the only one that called me Solerin and it was usually because she was upset with me about something.  Oh, now she has my sisters to promote out of the house and marry off to the highest bidder – good on her, hope she can find someone that will take the whiny things.

I suppose everything would have been okay if I had walked the straight and narrow, however, it wasn’t in my nature to do that.  I was always drawn to the darker side of life.  Tell me I can’t do something and I will break my neck until I do “do it” regardless of the consequences.  Well, this time it was something that couldn’t be covered up or hidden away in a cupboard.

I suppose that my parents will keep paying for my son’s support and education – I never bothered getting married, she wasn’t someone of the same social ilk, so that was a taboo to start with.  Figures I’d find the only fertile whore in Silvermoon to knock up when it was my first time out. I’ve only seen the kid once and that was only briefly, he doesn’t look like me at all and I wonder if he is mine or she just decided that it looked like my family had more money than her other clients and it would be a good way to score an income that didn’t entail her being on her back all of the time.  I was only fourteen and was finding how everything worked, must have done a good job while I was at it.

Anyway, that’s neither here nor there.  What finally got me kicked out of the house and put on the list of people not to have anything to do with is that I decided to follow in the footsteps of my Grandfather.  Now that was a fellow I could look up too and be afraid of all at the same time.  He did his own thing and fought his way to the top of what the people in Silvermoon like to call – the social heights.  He was a warlock, plain and simple, he was a warlock when you could get killed just for practicing your art or having people find out what you truly were.  He passed himself off as a scribe and businessman and apparently did rather well with it.  I suspect there was more black magic in the money he accumulated in his lifetime than my Father would like to admit. He was quite the old hell raiser and I’m sure that I am not the only one to have a bastard child running around, he had quite a few mistresses at his funeral. As far as I know, no one ever knew what he was, maybe my Grandmother did, however, that didn’t keep her from pumping out six children – my Father being the only surviving male.

I digress, what got me kicked out was that I got caught, plain and simple, doing a summoning .  Summoning my imp.  of all things, he and I needed to have a face to face talk about his constant jabbering and complaints in my head.  He was making me very distracted.

I had been sent off to the Academy to become a mage. Okay, that’s magic, I can deal with that.  I tried very hard to follow along and do all of the things that my instructors were telling me to do and I was doing them quite well. It was all the “good” magic that people can accept.  Well, I was fine until I started doing some reading and experimenting on my own – there are books in the library that talk about the magic that a warlock, those damned for life, evil people can do and I read them.  The more I read, the more I wanted to try them out and moved even further from the Light of the Sunwell – I was very intrigued by the demonic things that I read about and got sucked in further and further.

I suppose I would have been fine if I hadn’t gone snooping in the family home and found some of my Grandfather’s old books in the attic.  I’m surprised that they weren’t burned years ago instead of hidden away in a trunk.  I mean,  the man had some books in that trunk and I don’t think that he put them there. I honestly don’t see the harm though because with the books and his journals I have been able to learn quite a bit. Sure, I have met a few other closet warlocks there in Silvermoon and was able to glean some more knowledge from them.

I don’t think that I am an evil person, I truly don’t.  I just happen to look at things a bit differently than some of the more “normal” folks.  When I was busy trying to be a mage, I was very good at that too, odd thing is that it felt awkward to me and wasn’t as fulfilling as it is when I would start dealing with runes and the nether.  It’s amazing what you can find in the nether and I think that if people were to try it, they might find themselves a bit more enlightened.

Sure, Warlocks are still not a part of the acceptable society, however, there are more of us living in and around Silvermoon than what the general populace would like to know about or admit.  I’m definitely on the road and trying to do my best to survive and survive I will. At least I won’t be hindered by so-called family and friends.  One would act like a person grows horns , some do,  we don’t eat babies or anything of that nature, can’t imagine they’d taste that good anyway.  We’re just different from your mages waltzing around in their robes – people just can’t seem to comprehend that we’re not out to destroy the world or anything of that nature.

Oh well, enough chattering from me.  I am happy that my Father at least gave me some money and told me that he understood .  Looking  back on the brief conversation, it makes me wonder if he is one of those closeted warlocks himself, little things that he says and does kind of make sense to me now. I know that he has been beaten down by my Mother with her constant verbal assaults and I really didn’t respect him all that much because of it.  Now, I’m wondering if he isn’t just taking shelter behind a shield of cowardice, who knows.

One thing that I will always caution another warlock about is that they should dismiss their creatures when they are approaching places that are inhabited by others, it’s just a good practice and will keep you from being locked up in a jail somewhere or even possibly killed.  I think there is an unwritten list that along with the Scourge, warlocks are on the list too.  The often abused and  misunderstood warlocks and feared by the uneducated.  Ah well, such is life.

I will make my living in this world and one day I will go back to Silvermoon and take my place back with my family. I will mend what bridges that I can and lie through my teeth to let them know that I have changed. I won’t go back until I am wealthy enough to where it won’t matter.

Solerin Dawnshadow

 

 

 

 

 

Memories – A Trip To Dalaran


January 20th

Dear Journal,

I know that it has been forever since I have written in my journal and that has to do with the fact that things have been extremely busy with the business and the family.  I just haven’t had the time to sit down and do anything for myself, however, I plan to change that because I have always found that writing things down is very soothing to me.

Right now, I need to be soothed.  Magdamia let me know that she had some deliveries and collections that needed to be done in Dalaran.  She knows that I usually avoid going there due to past memories and how things have changed so much in a place that I once called home.  One of the deliveries was to one of the old clients that Fnor and I had dealt with in the past and I was curious as to how things were going in the city.  They do say that curiosity killed the cat and I’ll admit that I was yearning to see the city again, even if only briefly.

When I arrived in Northrend it was cold and the wind as blustery as ever which always seems to chill you to the bone, no matter what clothing you happen to be wearing. As I was making the flight to Dalaran, I was watching the terrain below me and that’s when the memories came flooding back as if they had only happened yesterday.  Memories, both good and bad, that reminded me of how much my poor Sindorei loved this land and how much time he had built a life here without the boys and I.

We had already established ourselves in Shattrath City and my husband would be out in the field for weeks at a time gathering the skins and other things that we needed for our business.  He was always bringing back more contracts for us to  fill.  I know that we were one of the first companies that catered to both factions, Horde and Alliance.  We were also one of the most visible mixed race couples living in the city at the time.  Oh, there were scallywags and carpetbaggers from both factions there, hiding from the authorities in the Eastern Kingdoms and Kalimdor.  Times were exciting and could be very stressful trying to raise my two eldest sons in the city when my mate was so frequently gone.

Sometimes I would find myself crying from the sheer loneliness and from some of the hurtful things that some people had said in regard to my children and myself.  There were times that I longed to run away and hide from the emotional pain, however, my love for my Sindorei and our family always kept me there.  Oh, we were both so young and foolish in those days and thought that we could overcome anything that Elune or the Light might place in our way as barriers to the social norms.  Yes, they were trying times.

One of the things that didn’t help much back in those days was the fact that my Sindorei still felt that he needed to wed someone of his own race to be more socially acceptable in the eyes of the people in Silvermoon.  I don’t know why that acceptance was so important to him other than for the monetary gains it might bring and his political ambitions.  Oh, he had dreams of becoming someone of some importance back then and would do almost anything to fulfill those dreams.  I was relegated to being the mistress and the woman that bore his children, plus, running our ever expanding company in Shattrath.

I know that he wasn’t much of the Father to the boys back then and would be gone for months at a time without coming to see them.  We would sometimes meet outside the city to go over the business accounts and talk about some of the things that needed to be discussed. Oh,  I remember lying in his arms on more than one occasion while he told me about the women that he was seeing, women that were of his own race and what his marriage plans might be. There were times that my heart would ache with the thoughts of my mate being with another woman that I would ask myself why I stayed with him when it was readily apparent that his feelings were not the same as my own.  I would think of our two sons, Kaldor and Vashlan, and the answer as to why I stayed would be for our sons and the fact that I loved their Father more than life itself.

Oh, those were indeed some sad times for all of us although, at the time, we weren’t aware of how sad they really were.  My parents really didn’t approve of my liaison with my Sindorei, however, they loved their grandsons.  I think that they were very saddened when I left the Sentinels to take up this life that I had with this man in Shattrath.  Times change and people change – they know love my Sindorei almost as much as I do. I thank Elune each day for my two eldest sons and the blessings that she has bestowed upon the family.

My goodness, I definitely digressed there.  I was definitely lost in thought of those days gone by and how things have changed to the present.  Those were both happy and hurtful times and I am indeed very thankful that my Sindorei came to his senses and realized that he had already been blessed with a complete family and didn’t need to search any further.  The children love their Father very much and I think that they have a great deal of respect for him although, Vashlan is still wrestling with the thought of how this all came to pass sometimes.  I know that Kaldor has grown to understand his Father more as he has gotten older and has accepted the things that he cannot change in his life.

Anyway, I did get to Dalaran and when I first landed it was as if time had stood still and things were as they were before.  However, there were no Blood Elves at the landing, which was a reminder of what had transpired there.  When I stepped into the city, the reminders became very clear to me again.

I can’t put it into words other than to say that I could the sorrow filling me in torrents.  Gone were the laughing elves that had always stood around the landing talking and gone were some of the shops that I had frequented when Fnor and I lived in the city.  I went about my business of delivering the goods that I had brought with me and collecting the funds.  Somehow, it was hard to talk to some of these people because they were newcomers to the city themselves and didn’t remember the glory days of when it was an open city and people were friendly with everyone.  Oh, you had the diehards that were never going to forget their political affiliations, however, you could always find someone to talk with, meet new people that frequented the city.

I think that the hardest part of going back to Dalaran was seeing the house where Fnor and I lived with our children and the changes that have been made to it.  As I stood on the street and gazed at the front doors, I could see where the hand carved runes had been disfigured, I could see that the hardware hadn’t been polished or cleaned in months.  Yes, it was hard standing there and looking up to see the stained glass windows in Fnor’s office had been broken and the panes replaced with some panes that didn’t seem to fit.  Yes, the exterior of the house was almost unrecognizable.    The last time that I had visited the city, I was unable to make myself go inside, however, this time I had to do it to deliver a parcel that I had brought with me for that purpose and collect the funds that were owed.

The whole house is now broken down into various offices and it looks like the upstairs may have been turned into  barracks of some kind.  Oh, the curved stairway has had all of the carpet removed from the it and the wood was very worn and disfigured by the boots tramping up and down.  The slate floor in the foyer was broken in many places and hadn’t seen a polishing cloth in ages.

As I stood in the foyer and looked around, I could feel the tears gathering in my eyes.  The fireplace where Vashlan had decided that he was mage enough to light the fire and lit the curtains on fire instead had been defaced and the carvings were unrecognizable anymore.  I think that if Agatha could see what has become of the house that she lovingly tended  for all of the years she was in Dalaran, she would be in tears. Anything that would have been considered Sindorei by anyone had been defaced or even removed – the mantle on the fireplace was totally destroyed and the ornate carvings on the ceiling had been painted over with something that I think might not have been all paint.

Not only did the house not have the grandeur that it once had, it also looked very worn, old and dirty.   I have thought about telling Fnor about the house, however, I have decided that it is something that I will spare him.  I know that it would only hurt him to know that the house that he spent so many years remodeling and decorating had become nothing more than some kind of hovel.  I am almost thankful that he will never see the place again.  I think that only one of us needs to have the heartbreak of seeing what was once beautiful and filled with our happy family has been turned into something that none of us would recognize for what it once was.

I am very happy that we were able to remove some of the things from the house and take them to the new house in Nagrand. In time, the house in Nagrand will be as beautiful and as loved as this house once was.  It’s smaller and doesn’t have the history behind it, however, it will have a very loving family living in it that can rebuild those memories.

Yes, it is very true – you can never go home again. Things have changed, the times have changed and the people have changed that helped to build those memories.

I don’t think that my next trip to Dalaran will be as traumatic as this one has been, however, I know that I will always remember the city the way that it was before – not how it is now.  I will keep the memories alive in my heart of the joy and happiness that we once had there.

Well, I suppose it’s time for me to stop writing and head down into the warehouse.  I can hear Magdamia shouting at someone and it doesn’t sound very pleasant.  Honestly, that Draeni needs to work on her people skills something terrible and I hope she isn’t fighting with a customer that way.

 

Amyn