Family and Future


October 11th

Yo Book!!

Here I am again and can’t say that I am not happy as can be either. Sitting here at the farm in Pandaria with my family. Just kind of sitting here, wrapped in a blanket after spending a very passionate night with Romy. Two kids and we can still start fires with the way our bodies are so in tune with one another. I can’t begin to tell you how I feel right now, if dying and where I am is heaven, I think I’ll just stay here. I don’t usually let my emotions run rampant, however, they have since I came home to the farm and have felt the warmth, the joy and the love that is with my family.

Oh yes, I talked with Romy about all the things that have been going on and some of the things that I did or was ordered to do. I know that the whole thing makes her as sad as I – the tears fell freely from my eyes and I know that I just let my emotions run rampant, jagged rasping choking sobs that had been held in for months. I know that I have never been one to show my emotions publicly and the only person that has seen me at my most vulnerable has been my beloved.   To feel her arms wrapped tightly around me as I wept and to hear those soft tender words being spoken were better than any healing potion or drink that I might have taken. I feel like I have had the weight of the World lifted from my shoulders and I can only pray to the Light that I haven’t added my burdens to Romy’s already heavy load.

All those months of searching for here and the children felt like an eternity and I have never felt as lonely, lost and alone as I did then. Finding them was like my life could start again. Our children, our love and most of all, the feelings that we have shared all these years. Oh, my friends were there to help me when I would stumble and fall, however, they weren’t Romy and there wasn’t a woman out there that could replace her place in my heart – some tried, and they were rejected.

Now that I have all the things that I dearly love more than life itself, I’m fearful. I don’t want to lose this moment in time and I don’t want to have to leave them behind – go off to fight some stupid war that will gain me nothing except more heartache and pain. Why won’t the Light just let me stay here in the arms that I love more than life itself and our beautiful children. I’ve already been cheated out of my daughter’s childhood and now, the Warchief wants to cheat me out of my son’s life. No, there has to be a way that I can avoid this.

I don’t know if anyone would be able to understand this whole thing unless they have been through it for themselves, however, I know that I never want to be separated from my family for as long as I was when they were missing. I felt like I was living but dying at the same time. I, also, don’t think that I ever felt like I was complete until Romy came into my life – after we had the children, my heart felt as if I had achieved all the things that I wanted in this life.

Yes, I’ve talked with a few people and I will honestly say that some of the answers that I got were rather idiotic. Yes, I know that war is dangerous and there is always a price to be paid, however, I don’t want to be the one paying it – I’ve done enough. Hell, I’ve even consider doing a desk job of some type just so that I could be with my family.

Hmm, just glanced over at Romy and she met my eyes with one of her sleepy smiles that always melts my heart and gave me one of her “come hither” looks. I think that I will stop writing here and go back to bed.

Fnar Dawnglory

 

((This is a song from Journey and Steve Perry that always runs through my mind when I think of Romy and Fnar.))

Open Arms

Lying beside you here in the dark
Feeling your heart beat with mine
Softly you whisper you’re so sincere
How could our love be so blind
We sailed on together and drifted apart
And here you are by my side

So now I come to you with open arms
Nothing to hide, believe what I say
So here I am with open arms
Hoping you’ll see what you’re love means to me
Open arms

Living without you living alone
This empty house is so cold
Wanting to hold you wanting you near
How much I’ve wanted you home
But now that you’ve come back
Turned night into day
I need you to stay

So now I come to you with open arms
Nothing to hide, believe what I say
So here I am with open arms
Hoping you’ll see what you’re love means to me
Open arms

Peace & Harmony


October 1st

Dear journal,

I thought for a time that my heart would break with all the things that I have seen and done since this new conflict has erupted across our lands of Azeroth.  My heart grows weary, not only with age, but with the vehemence that this new calamity has visited upon our World.  Who knew that something of this nature could ever happen to us all?  Who knew or could glean from the Aspects that this would one day come to pass without warning?

So many questions have I asked and so many questions that are still unanswered.  I can’t believe that none of the learned peoples of this world could allow this to happen.  We were joined with a united front to defeat the demons on the Broken Shore and yet, we supposedly thwarted the attacks and came away victorious – only to have it all be struck down by one monstrous blow to our world.

Now it has all dwindled back down to nothing more than avarice and greed for a power that is totally limitless in its destruction of our lives as we know it.  Yes, I have seen enough of wars and battles to last me through several lifetimes and it seems to be a never-ending cycle of hatred that has no true balance to end it all.

I look back on my own life and see that it has been one struggle after another that has left me feeling cynical and filled with guilt at the things that I had no control over.  I’ve seen my youth destroyed quickly as we fought against the Alliance in Kalimdor to fulfill the needs of the Horde and I’ve lived through Warchief that have gone from strong leadership to out and out insanity.  The current leadership brings nothing to the Horde as a whole, just death and destruction without a future thought to what is to become of us if this war cycle ever ends.  Can no one see the rationale that this world is big enough for all it’s people, not just the Horde, not just the Alliance and why must there be an air of having complete control over the people that are striving to live their lives in some manner of normalcy.

I find myself waxing philosophically tonight as I sit here in my quarters, alone and feeling the weight of my age more than I normally would.  Yes, I’m getting up there in age even for one of the long-lived races, however, I think my soul is just getting weary of the turmoil and the constant upheaval that we have been thrown into for all these centuries.   I have been a soldier most of my life and have fought many battles and have led many men and women into battles against impossible odds and have brought the majority of them back from the brink of disaster, yet, I do begin to feel that it may have all been for naught when it is repeated over and over again.

All I ever have wanted is to find a place for my family where we could live in peace and not worry about the political strife that seems to permeate the very air that we breathe.  Yes, my wife is not of an acceptable race by the current policies of the Horde, however, she is very acceptable in my heart as are our children that we have raised.

We knew things would be difficult for us all the days of our lives and for our children.  We held out hope that things would change after thwarting the Legion. To say that we were wrong in our foolish ideals is s true misnomer because we felt that the people of Azeroth had finally seen the Light and had grown enough as a civilized group that we would finally glean the peace that we all desired.

Now, with our world wounded and the strong possibility that none of us will survive the calamity, we’re squabbling like children over things that surely will not matter.  Wealth, greed, power, these are not the things that we were taught to worship as children – that is something that has taken a hold on all of us at some point.  I wish there was some cleric that could explain this to me – our world as we know it may be dying and yet, there is this stupid struggle for power and control.  Should we not be more concerned about curing the ailment of our world so that we can continue our lives with some reasonable harmony?

October 7th

Oh my, I knew that imbibing in brandy when I was in one of my more depressed moods could prove to be a long-winded affair and I was correct in that assumption. Ah well, sometimes I can find solutions to things just by writing them down and hope for the best.

I know that there are times that I really need to muddle through my mind and writing in a journal is one way that I can do it without adding my problems to someone else’s plate.  I know that there are healers and the like that would listen, however, I’m not sure if they could help me with some of the issues that I have to deal with.

At least I have been able to spend some time with my family in Nagrand and we’re all feeling a bit drained and bit undone with all the things that have gone, however, I do believe that we are going to survive it.  If we keep our emotions in check and accept one another for whom we are – all will be okay within the family unit.

Fnor Morningstar