July 8th – Life Goes On…Right?

*Remember that this particular character is pretty outspoken and has no filter on his language – might be a few words in here that are not fit for people to read that are easily offended. *

 

 

July 8th

 

Yo Book!!

I knew that I was fucking getting run-down and didn’t feel like my normal self, however, I didn’t realize what real exhaustion can do to you sometimes.  I know that I have been burning the candle at both ends and trying to cure some of that with imbibing in more alcohol than I should.  Now, I’ve been fucking told that I had better knock that nonsense off if I plan on living long enough to find Romy and the kids.  I know that I have felt like there is never going to be an end to this and I will spend the rest of my living days searching for my wife and children.

Yes, I fucking said the word – WIFE.  My intent when I got home from Draenor was to take her to a magistrate or to one of the monks in Pandaria and for us to get married.  Yes, that legal and binding thing that people do when they love one another with their entire being. Well, that got shot to Hell and Gone when I got back and she was missing.  In my mind and in my heart, we’re already married and have been since the day we met – I wasn’t just smitten with her physical beauty, I was smitten with her soul and her sheer love of life. Yeah, I know it’s stupid, however, I do believe in “love at first sight” because it has happened to me and I have lost all interest in other women – that was quite a shock in the womanizer that I used to be. To say that I was experienced is an understatement – I had gone on some rough mileage at times.

What brought this outburst on, you might ask?  Well, I was talking with Fnor and he mentioned that I looked a little tired and maybe I should just take some time off.  I did tell him about the way that his sister was acting with me again and that set him off on temper tantrum that seemed to be more than just his usual outburst.  I told him about her comments and the way that she had acted very recently which just made him angrier at her.  There are days that I ask myself “why me?” I do try to keep going and try to overlook a lot of her overtures’ that had ceased for a while, however, with Romy out of the picture, she is on me as a target once again.

I have known Faendra since she was a kid. Hell, she and my sister, Felessa, were best friends until she started chasing after me like a bitch in heat.  I know that this has been going on for years and has caused Fnor and I some major problems, however, it has not interfered with our friendship.  There are times when I wonder if Fnor isn’t all that bright when it comes to females and how dangerous they can be – with his experiences, he should have clue by now.

I know that Jongu has mentioned to me that he doesn’t like that other Blood Elf female that comes by the house sometimes.  He said she isn’t nice to him and thinks that she has sneaky streak and might steal things when I’m not there and he is busy doing other things.  Hmmm, that’s unusual for Jongu because he’s always liked everyone to my knowledge.  I wonder what he was hinting at, he’s a strange fellow and I like having him around and he works cheap since I told him he can sell his chicken and dumplings at the market.  I know we are still having that problem with the chickens dropping dead at the farm every once in a while, – we have still not figured out what is up with that, however, it doesn’t seem to cause any issues when we eat them.  Oh well, I’ll just keep my eyes out for that little bitch.

While I was talking with Fnor, a weird thing happened.  I either passed out or I fainted and I woke up with a healer standing over me and shaking her head.  She said I was suffering from exhaustion and that my body was showing some signs of trouble from my drinking.  Well, that wasn’t a real surprise to me, I know I have been drinking quite a bit.  She also told me that I was talking while I was out and crying – my emotions seemed more than a little bit raw. 

The weird thing that happened was I was talking and I heard my daughter’s voice like she was standing there with Fnor and I.  I felt my heart give a lurch when I heard the voice and I passed out.  How can she be here and not here?  I know that I still have a chill when I think about it, I don’t want to think that she is in the afterlife and it was her spirit talking to me – she can’t be dead and neither can Romy and my son be dead.  I won’t believe it, I refuse to believe.  Anyway, long story short, she told me to take some time off and possibly get out of Pandaria for a while and go back to the Eastern Kingdoms, get some rest and see if I can’t quieten my mind some.

I told Fnor what the healer had told me and he told me to go back to Silvermoon and stay at the house there for a while.  He would get in touch with Agatha to let her know that I was coming and to make sure that she keeps Faendra away from me if she should show up.  So, I am going to take the advice and take some time off, drop the letter from the healer off in Orgrimmar and go home for a while to Silvermoon.

 

Fnar Dawnglory

 

 

 

Still Searching…Frustrating…

June 28th

Yo Book!!

I know that I have spent way too much fucking time just trying to find Romy and the children.  I wonder if my feelings are wrong and I won’t be able to find them – ever.  The thought of giving up on finding them is breaking my heart and my mind just doesn’t want to believe that they have just fucking disappeared forever.  My love, my daughter and the son I’ve never seen – how can this be?

I have worked my ass off for the Horde and I keep getting sent away to places that I could care less about than where my would-be wife and children are.  Every time I feel like I am making some progress on my search, I get recalled to that stupid Garrison in Draenor or they expect me to head to the Broken Shore with my men.  No, I don’t want to go, I want to find my family and then I can spend my time with them and then attend to my duties.  My family must take the priority in my life.  Fuck the reigning parties at this point, The Banshee Queen as the Warchief?  How can that be?  The most evil of all women and she is going to lead the Horde to its own destruction.   I’m still following the orders that I get from the Regent Lord and obeying the pledge that I gave for my people, however, this new regime is not to my personal liking at all.

It’s been months since my family disappeared and all we have are a little shoe that belonged to my son and the rumors that there may have been some survivors at the crash site of the Zep, however, where did they go?  Did they get some medical attention?  Have the left the area or are they being held prisoner by someone?  So many questions unanswered.

I looked in the mirror this morning and saw myself and can tell that this worrying and stress has taken a toll on me physically.  Too much drinking and too much depression has left its mark and it will be a while before that goes away, I’m sure.  At least I don’t have any gray hair showing in my hair yet, that would be a definite worry for me because I have always been vain about my appearance.  Yes, I do need to start thinking about other things and trying to rebuild some of my life instead of just living it one day at a time.

I am going to have to take my life in hand and try to get on with something normal.  I can’t just keep hoping that they will all turn up and things will be as they once were.  That never happens, we can’t erase the time that has gone by and I can’t step back into the lives of my children when they probably don’t even remember what I look like – my son has never seen me, so, the little fellow would have no clue as to whom I might be.  Has Romy survived this and has she gotten on with her life or is she still trying to come back to me – I don’t know.  In my heart, I want her back so badly that it is almost painful to dwell on it so much.   That red hair, those lovely arms that held me so tightly and the kisses that would make any man swoon with desire.  I truly had never known the passion that this one woman could arouse in me and she was the only one that ever pulled me to that level – I miss her voice, that lilting laughter, that quick wit. Just the sheer longing for her causes me such emotional and physical pain that I can hardly manage it.

No, I have not been with another woman and haven’t been with anyone for over a year and my libido is sadly missing at this point.  Now, I have another problem.  It appears Faendra Morningstar has decided in her infinite wisdom that Romy is never coming back and that I should take her as my wife. That is never going to happen, even if there were a remote possibility of it happening.  She is truly making a pest of herself.

I have decided that I will leave Pandaria, the farm will be taken care of by my friends and I will try to stay in Orgrimmar for a while or even Silvermoon.  At least Faendra will not have easy access to my person if I am in either of those places.   Of course, there is always my Garrison to hide out in, however, I do dislike freezing my ass off every time the wind blows.  I just can’t afford to have any mishaps or other distractions until I can get my life back under control.

Fnar Dawnglory

May 29th – Still Searching…

*Language might be a little salty for some, so, if that offends you, please do not read.*

May 29th

Yo Book!!

I woke up this morning and almost thought that Romy was back, I could smell perfume in the air and could almost feel her body lying next to mine. Oh my, my heart was pounding until I opened my eyes and discovered that it was only a dream. What a fucking nightmare it is to awaken and find that your heart’s desire is not there after all.

Damn it!! I constantly feel as if my heart were breaking and that time is standing still just to torture me for some past transgressions – I know that haven’t been a fucking angel or anything of that nature, so, I’m sure that I have chalked up a few errors in my past. Before I met Romy and fell in love with her, there wasn’t a woman safe on the planet. If I found her attractive and she felt the same for me, it was all over because my moral compass was a bit lax.

I’m wide awake now and I can still smell that perfume in the air. Something is not right with that because I know that I haven’t shaved, no cologne from me, and the smell is something that I am very familiar with. It’s almost as if someone were here in my house on the farm. This has me really fucking distracted as hell and I can’t get the smell out of my nostrils. Oh wait, the smell is on the bed and on the pillows next to where I was sleeping. Did someone come in here while I was asleep and I didn’t wake up – could be – I know I drank myself senseless last night here alone. Yeah, I fucking cried myself to sleep and no one knows that better than me. What wouldn’t I give to have my family back.

I had been out looking for Romy and the kids and still no luck and still no information. I know that her family is looking as hard as I am for them. How can a grown woman and two small children just disappear like that? No, I’m not a fucking moron, I know that it can happen, however, not to a woman that is as adept at handling situations as my Romy.

I know that she left Pandaria and was in route to Orgrimmar with the kids and supposedly would travel on to Northrend to visit her family there. Well, they never made to Orgrimmar. We did find a crash site of a Zep in Hyjal and a baby shoe was found by one of Romy’s relatives and identified. I know they aren’t dead, I would feel it in my soul if they were. We are all still searching for them, however, where could they be?

Well, I should go back to Draenor for a few days to attend to my duties there and get orders set up for my Garrison before I can come back and search some more. I’m sure that the Horde will understand if I tell them to go to hell while I try to piece my life back together and if they don’t, they can kiss my backside.

Fnar Dawnglory

May 1st – Still Searching…News

*Please note:  Some salty language that might offend the more sensitive readers*
May 1st
Yo Book!
No, I haven’t written anything for fucking long time, however, I’ve had my hands full with still running the Garrison in Draenor as well as searching for Romy and the kids every single moment that I have free. At least the travel between Draenor and Azeroth is open and easily accessible.  I guess they decided it would be much easier to have troop movement between two areas since the Legion seems to have decided to return to Azeroth once again.
My heart is heavy and there are times I wonder if life has any real meaning left for me, the love of my life is gone and the things that have given me hope for the future are gone.  How does a fucking man even start to rebuild his life when everything that he cared about is gone?  At least I still have my sister and her children.
I’ve gone to Silvermoon to see Felessa several times and it is difficult for me because I see the golden haired little boys that she has and I think of my daughter and my son.  I dream constantly of Romy, her laughter, the lovemaking that we once enjoyed with such wild abandon and it makes me feel like that all of it was a dream.  Did I dream that I had a woman in my life that literally had my heart and soul in her hands for all the time that we were together?  Was it all a dream?
I know that Fnor has been very supportive and understanding with my moods and my inability to really step up and help with the company in Orgrimmar.  I know that all the employees are working diligently to find out any information that that they can about Romy and the kids.  How in the Light could one woman and two small children just disappear from everywhere?  Oh, I know that wars can obliterate entire families, however, I have been able to find out that Romy was planning to go to Northrend with the children.
I did receive word from Romy’s family and they have been searching for her as well.  They have found some evidence that she had taken zeppelin from Orgrimmar to Northrend.  What I didn’t’ realize is that she had decided to make the trip during the invasions of the Legion in Azeroth.  They have found evidence of a crash site and one of the children had lost a leather bootie – my son’s bootie.  They are still searching for more evidence.
Fuck it all, I am sitting here crying like my heart is breaking all over again.  Mt. Hyjal is not that far from Orgrimmar and I will have to plan to join the family search party as soon as I can break away from my duties.  I’ve asked for leave and the bastards in Orgrimmar haven’t had the courtesy to respond yet.  It’s not like one man being out of action for a while to try to find his family is going to lose the battles in Draenor or the Broken Isle.
I’m not that damned important, let me go find my family, I don’t care about the Horde, I don’t take full direction from them.  If I must, I’ll go see the Regent in Silvermoon to get released from my duties – his commands are the ones that I follow, not the new Warchief.
Fnar Dawnglory

Still Searching…

*Some coarse language used, please do not read if you’re easily offended. *

 

February 2nd

Yo Book!!

It’s been a while since I have written in my journal, however, I have been rather busy trying to keep up with my fucking duties and trying to find my wayward woman and my children.  It’s not been easy and I have spent a hell of lot of time trying to figure out where she could have fucking disappeared too.

I think I’ve gone through spells of depression and then I got angry and back to the depression again. I have my own way of grieving and sometimes it works better than it has currently.   Romy was such a large part of my life and the kids were everything I had ever hoped for – now, they are gone.  I think the loneliness is the hardest part to handle and it will be with me until I can get some closure on this or at least fucking find them.  I know that she was stubborn and was always good at taking care of herself, however, I never thought that she would just pack up and leave like she appears to have done.   When I am not on duty, I’m trying to follow up on any clues that I might have uncovered and it has taken this long for me to sit here and just write.

I’ve talked to so many people in Pandaria and searched the place until I can hardly stand it – she and the children are not here and it does point more to her leaving and going to Northrend. Of course, tracking down the pack that she was always with before has been more of a challenge than anything else.

Let me explain this a little bit.  Romy was with a group of family members that have chosen a different lifestyle and handle things more in the ways of wolves.  They have the Alpha males and females and everyone raises the kids together.  They tend to hunt in packs or something of that nature which has allowed them to survive in the northern part of Northrend.  I had met them all before we were together and had talked to many of the leaders, bonding with them.   Now, I can’t even seem to find all the old encampments.  It’s almost as if they have disappeared.

Of course, there is another branch of the family that is more civilized that the Northrend group, although, that could be debatable.  Naturally, the branch that lives in and around Silvermoon are more of the matriarchal society than anything else. It almost reminds me of how the Night Elves live most of the time than true Sindorei.  I think that these traditions and habits that they appear to have are more based on High Born practices than most want others want to show.  Makes me wonder about the family bloodlines a bit but that is beside the point.  I just want to find Romy and my children and get them back home with me.  Sometimes the loneliness is more than I can stand.

Romy had left some pictures behind when she left the farm in Half Hill and I have gathered them up and put them away so that nothing will happen to them and she can have them when she returns. Pictures of us being happy together and pictures of the children.  Yes, I finally got to see what my boy looks like and I must say that he looks more like his Mother than he does me – the red hair and coloring.  I bet he will grow up to be a very handsome young man.   I hope that I can find them all before he is a man – just knowing that they are all out there somewhere makes my heart keep hope that we will be together again someday.  I know that there are times that I have a terrible time holding back my tears and they are even streaming down my face as I write.

How could such happiness just disappear, how could the love we had seemed to have changed for some reason?  I’m afraid that I have truly brutalized Faendra with my suspicions that she might have had something to do with their disappearance to the point that she wrote to her brother and begged him to tell me that she had nothing to do with them being gone.  Yes, she did say that she still loved me, however, she would never do anything to Romy or the babies – they were mine and she knew how much I loved them.

Ah well, I suppose that I should quit writing tonight and head out to do some wandering around and visiting with some of the neighbors here in Half Hill.  I know that the women always ask if I had found Romy yet, which tears the wound open a bit.

Fnar Dawnglory

 

 

Time…What Else Is There?

*Note:  There is some language in this post and if you’re easily offended, please do not read it.

 

December 12th

 

Yo Book!!

 

This has always been my favorite time of year and this year would have been the best.  Damn it!! Where is she?  Yeah, I’m still fucking looking everywhere I can think of, any place that she ever mentioned or I knew that she liked.  I’ve put up fliers in every place that I could think of to try to get information about Romy and the kids, nothing yet.  I even posted a reward, damn it all, don’t people need money anymore? Where the hell is she?  Has she decided that she no longer wants me in her life?  What is going on?  I am so confused and broken-hearted at this point that I don’t know what else to do except to keep looking for her and the kids – I want them back, I want my family back.  Did she meet someone else and went away with them?

I have quit drinking because all it did was make me sick and didn’t seem to dull the pain like it did back in the days before I met the “love of my life” and it only makes me want her back even more now. Oh sure, women think that when you’re drowning yourself in your cups at an Inn that you’re looking for company – I have gotten slapped for telling them to go away now.   I’m not looking for anyone else to be with, I just want Romy back.

Fnor has put up a reward for information too as well as giving all the people in the company a notice of a huge bonus if they stumble upon any information that might help me find my family again.  So far, nothing has been found.  I always knew that Romy would disappear and not be found if she chose to do that, however, I never thought that she would take our children and just disappear like she has.

I even got into a fucking fight with Faendra because I accused her of doing something to Romy and the kids!  I know that she has always been jealous of Romy and the relationship that had developed between us – I know how devious Fae can be when things don’t go her way.  For Light’s Sake!! I’ve watched that girl grow up and I know how manipulative she is.  She’s not off the hook yet because I wouldn’t ever believe she didn’t have something to do with this.

Everyone is under the impression that Romy took the kids to visit in Northrend because that is what she has told them.  I haven’t been able to locate he Father either, I would assume that he is on the Broken Isle and I haven’t had time to search that whole place yet – too much fighting to just dedicate myself to my search.

I have been lonely before, however, this time I am lonely and I feel dead inside – there is a difference.

 

Fnar Dawnglory

Lost…

*Some Language – if you are offended easily, please do not read*

 

October 20th

 

Yo Book!

I will have to admit that I haven’t written in this damned thing in a while and that’s because I have been busy with my duties in Draenor and trying to figure out a way to get home to see Romy and the kids in Halfhill.  Well, the Legion kind of helped that out because the Horde leadership has decided that it’s military needs to address that situation rather than maintain a peacekeeping force in Draenor – huzzah!!

I know that it has been close to a year since I have been home and it has cost me dearly.  Fnor kept telling people that we needed to be focused on what was happening in our own timeline and his warnings just kept falling on deaf ears.  Damned bureaucrats – now they have their hands full and we are supposed to clean it up.

All I can say is that Draenor has cost me dearly – I’ve lost my family or they are hiding from everyone, I don’t know what is going on.  Romy had written me that she was taking the kids to Northrend to spend some time with the family up there and that’s the last I heard from her.  I have checked with her family and have even gone to Northrend – no one has fucking seen them.  How can a woman and two small kids disappear off the face of the planet without anyone having ever seen them?  To say that this is a nightmare is putting it lightly – I’m scared, I’m angry and I’m heartbroken.  All my hopes and dreams have been trashed and here I am wandering around trying to put all the pieces together again.

I tried drinking myself into oblivion more than once since I got back to Halfhill and there didn’t seem to be enough booze to drown my heartache.  I couldn’t get drunk enough to stop thinking about my family, my love, my life and my children.  What has fucking happened to them?  Are they safe?   Are they even alive?  This is totally unlike Romy as far as I know and I know that she loved me as much as I love her – where did she go?  Did she try to take the kids and make the trip to Draenor to surprise me?  So many fucking questions and no answers from anyone.

Fnor and I both have sent out search parties from the company and we’re paying the people dearly to see if they can find any trace of them.  I’ve cried until I have no more tears and have gone without sleep to the point that there are days that I have lost wandering around in a fog.  Where are they?  My son was born while I was in Draenor and I haven’t even held him or seen him – why did this have to happen?  All of my life I have wanted a family – now the Fates have taken away from me.  No, I won’t give up and I’ll keep looking for them.

Fnar Dawnglory