May 29th – Still Searching…

*Language might be a little salty for some, so, if that offends you, please do not read.*

May 29th

Yo Book!!

I woke up this morning and almost thought that Romy was back, I could smell perfume in the air and could almost feel her body lying next to mine. Oh my, my heart was pounding until I opened my eyes and discovered that it was only a dream. What a fucking nightmare it is to awaken and find that your heart’s desire is not there after all.

Damn it!! I constantly feel as if my heart were breaking and that time is standing still just to torture me for some past transgressions – I know that haven’t been a fucking angel or anything of that nature, so, I’m sure that I have chalked up a few errors in my past. Before I met Romy and fell in love with her, there wasn’t a woman safe on the planet. If I found her attractive and she felt the same for me, it was all over because my moral compass was a bit lax.

I’m wide awake now and I can still smell that perfume in the air. Something is not right with that because I know that I haven’t shaved, no cologne from me, and the smell is something that I am very familiar with. It’s almost as if someone were here in my house on the farm. This has me really fucking distracted as hell and I can’t get the smell out of my nostrils. Oh wait, the smell is on the bed and on the pillows next to where I was sleeping. Did someone come in here while I was asleep and I didn’t wake up – could be – I know I drank myself senseless last night here alone. Yeah, I fucking cried myself to sleep and no one knows that better than me. What wouldn’t I give to have my family back.

I had been out looking for Romy and the kids and still no luck and still no information. I know that her family is looking as hard as I am for them. How can a grown woman and two small children just disappear like that? No, I’m not a fucking moron, I know that it can happen, however, not to a woman that is as adept at handling situations as my Romy.

I know that she left Pandaria and was in route to Orgrimmar with the kids and supposedly would travel on to Northrend to visit her family there. Well, they never made to Orgrimmar. We did find a crash site of a Zep in Hyjal and a baby shoe was found by one of Romy’s relatives and identified. I know they aren’t dead, I would feel it in my soul if they were. We are all still searching for them, however, where could they be?

Well, I should go back to Draenor for a few days to attend to my duties there and get orders set up for my Garrison before I can come back and search some more. I’m sure that the Horde will understand if I tell them to go to hell while I try to piece my life back together and if they don’t, they can kiss my backside.

Fnar Dawnglory

May 1st – Still Searching…News

*Please note:  Some salty language that might offend the more sensitive readers*
May 1st
Yo Book!
No, I haven’t written anything for fucking long time, however, I’ve had my hands full with still running the Garrison in Draenor as well as searching for Romy and the kids every single moment that I have free. At least the travel between Draenor and Azeroth is open and easily accessible.  I guess they decided it would be much easier to have troop movement between two areas since the Legion seems to have decided to return to Azeroth once again.
My heart is heavy and there are times I wonder if life has any real meaning left for me, the love of my life is gone and the things that have given me hope for the future are gone.  How does a fucking man even start to rebuild his life when everything that he cared about is gone?  At least I still have my sister and her children.
I’ve gone to Silvermoon to see Felessa several times and it is difficult for me because I see the golden haired little boys that she has and I think of my daughter and my son.  I dream constantly of Romy, her laughter, the lovemaking that we once enjoyed with such wild abandon and it makes me feel like that all of it was a dream.  Did I dream that I had a woman in my life that literally had my heart and soul in her hands for all the time that we were together?  Was it all a dream?
I know that Fnor has been very supportive and understanding with my moods and my inability to really step up and help with the company in Orgrimmar.  I know that all the employees are working diligently to find out any information that that they can about Romy and the kids.  How in the Light could one woman and two small children just disappear from everywhere?  Oh, I know that wars can obliterate entire families, however, I have been able to find out that Romy was planning to go to Northrend with the children.
I did receive word from Romy’s family and they have been searching for her as well.  They have found some evidence that she had taken zeppelin from Orgrimmar to Northrend.  What I didn’t’ realize is that she had decided to make the trip during the invasions of the Legion in Azeroth.  They have found evidence of a crash site and one of the children had lost a leather bootie – my son’s bootie.  They are still searching for more evidence.
Fuck it all, I am sitting here crying like my heart is breaking all over again.  Mt. Hyjal is not that far from Orgrimmar and I will have to plan to join the family search party as soon as I can break away from my duties.  I’ve asked for leave and the bastards in Orgrimmar haven’t had the courtesy to respond yet.  It’s not like one man being out of action for a while to try to find his family is going to lose the battles in Draenor or the Broken Isle.
I’m not that damned important, let me go find my family, I don’t care about the Horde, I don’t take full direction from them.  If I must, I’ll go see the Regent in Silvermoon to get released from my duties – his commands are the ones that I follow, not the new Warchief.
Fnar Dawnglory

Still Searching…

*Some coarse language used, please do not read if you’re easily offended. *

 

February 2nd

Yo Book!!

It’s been a while since I have written in my journal, however, I have been rather busy trying to keep up with my fucking duties and trying to find my wayward woman and my children.  It’s not been easy and I have spent a hell of lot of time trying to figure out where she could have fucking disappeared too.

I think I’ve gone through spells of depression and then I got angry and back to the depression again. I have my own way of grieving and sometimes it works better than it has currently.   Romy was such a large part of my life and the kids were everything I had ever hoped for – now, they are gone.  I think the loneliness is the hardest part to handle and it will be with me until I can get some closure on this or at least fucking find them.  I know that she was stubborn and was always good at taking care of herself, however, I never thought that she would just pack up and leave like she appears to have done.   When I am not on duty, I’m trying to follow up on any clues that I might have uncovered and it has taken this long for me to sit here and just write.

I’ve talked to so many people in Pandaria and searched the place until I can hardly stand it – she and the children are not here and it does point more to her leaving and going to Northrend. Of course, tracking down the pack that she was always with before has been more of a challenge than anything else.

Let me explain this a little bit.  Romy was with a group of family members that have chosen a different lifestyle and handle things more in the ways of wolves.  They have the Alpha males and females and everyone raises the kids together.  They tend to hunt in packs or something of that nature which has allowed them to survive in the northern part of Northrend.  I had met them all before we were together and had talked to many of the leaders, bonding with them.   Now, I can’t even seem to find all the old encampments.  It’s almost as if they have disappeared.

Of course, there is another branch of the family that is more civilized that the Northrend group, although, that could be debatable.  Naturally, the branch that lives in and around Silvermoon are more of the matriarchal society than anything else. It almost reminds me of how the Night Elves live most of the time than true Sindorei.  I think that these traditions and habits that they appear to have are more based on High Born practices than most want others want to show.  Makes me wonder about the family bloodlines a bit but that is beside the point.  I just want to find Romy and my children and get them back home with me.  Sometimes the loneliness is more than I can stand.

Romy had left some pictures behind when she left the farm in Half Hill and I have gathered them up and put them away so that nothing will happen to them and she can have them when she returns. Pictures of us being happy together and pictures of the children.  Yes, I finally got to see what my boy looks like and I must say that he looks more like his Mother than he does me – the red hair and coloring.  I bet he will grow up to be a very handsome young man.   I hope that I can find them all before he is a man – just knowing that they are all out there somewhere makes my heart keep hope that we will be together again someday.  I know that there are times that I have a terrible time holding back my tears and they are even streaming down my face as I write.

How could such happiness just disappear, how could the love we had seemed to have changed for some reason?  I’m afraid that I have truly brutalized Faendra with my suspicions that she might have had something to do with their disappearance to the point that she wrote to her brother and begged him to tell me that she had nothing to do with them being gone.  Yes, she did say that she still loved me, however, she would never do anything to Romy or the babies – they were mine and she knew how much I loved them.

Ah well, I suppose that I should quit writing tonight and head out to do some wandering around and visiting with some of the neighbors here in Half Hill.  I know that the women always ask if I had found Romy yet, which tears the wound open a bit.

Fnar Dawnglory

 

 

Time…What Else Is There?

*Note:  There is some language in this post and if you’re easily offended, please do not read it.

 

December 12th

 

Yo Book!!

 

This has always been my favorite time of year and this year would have been the best.  Damn it!! Where is she?  Yeah, I’m still fucking looking everywhere I can think of, any place that she ever mentioned or I knew that she liked.  I’ve put up fliers in every place that I could think of to try to get information about Romy and the kids, nothing yet.  I even posted a reward, damn it all, don’t people need money anymore? Where the hell is she?  Has she decided that she no longer wants me in her life?  What is going on?  I am so confused and broken-hearted at this point that I don’t know what else to do except to keep looking for her and the kids – I want them back, I want my family back.  Did she meet someone else and went away with them?

I have quit drinking because all it did was make me sick and didn’t seem to dull the pain like it did back in the days before I met the “love of my life” and it only makes me want her back even more now. Oh sure, women think that when you’re drowning yourself in your cups at an Inn that you’re looking for company – I have gotten slapped for telling them to go away now.   I’m not looking for anyone else to be with, I just want Romy back.

Fnor has put up a reward for information too as well as giving all the people in the company a notice of a huge bonus if they stumble upon any information that might help me find my family again.  So far, nothing has been found.  I always knew that Romy would disappear and not be found if she chose to do that, however, I never thought that she would take our children and just disappear like she has.

I even got into a fucking fight with Faendra because I accused her of doing something to Romy and the kids!  I know that she has always been jealous of Romy and the relationship that had developed between us – I know how devious Fae can be when things don’t go her way.  For Light’s Sake!! I’ve watched that girl grow up and I know how manipulative she is.  She’s not off the hook yet because I wouldn’t ever believe she didn’t have something to do with this.

Everyone is under the impression that Romy took the kids to visit in Northrend because that is what she has told them.  I haven’t been able to locate he Father either, I would assume that he is on the Broken Isle and I haven’t had time to search that whole place yet – too much fighting to just dedicate myself to my search.

I have been lonely before, however, this time I am lonely and I feel dead inside – there is a difference.

 

Fnar Dawnglory

Lost…

*Some Language – if you are offended easily, please do not read*

 

October 20th

 

Yo Book!

I will have to admit that I haven’t written in this damned thing in a while and that’s because I have been busy with my duties in Draenor and trying to figure out a way to get home to see Romy and the kids in Halfhill.  Well, the Legion kind of helped that out because the Horde leadership has decided that it’s military needs to address that situation rather than maintain a peacekeeping force in Draenor – huzzah!!

I know that it has been close to a year since I have been home and it has cost me dearly.  Fnor kept telling people that we needed to be focused on what was happening in our own timeline and his warnings just kept falling on deaf ears.  Damned bureaucrats – now they have their hands full and we are supposed to clean it up.

All I can say is that Draenor has cost me dearly – I’ve lost my family or they are hiding from everyone, I don’t know what is going on.  Romy had written me that she was taking the kids to Northrend to spend some time with the family up there and that’s the last I heard from her.  I have checked with her family and have even gone to Northrend – no one has fucking seen them.  How can a woman and two small kids disappear off the face of the planet without anyone having ever seen them?  To say that this is a nightmare is putting it lightly – I’m scared, I’m angry and I’m heartbroken.  All my hopes and dreams have been trashed and here I am wandering around trying to put all the pieces together again.

I tried drinking myself into oblivion more than once since I got back to Halfhill and there didn’t seem to be enough booze to drown my heartache.  I couldn’t get drunk enough to stop thinking about my family, my love, my life and my children.  What has fucking happened to them?  Are they safe?   Are they even alive?  This is totally unlike Romy as far as I know and I know that she loved me as much as I love her – where did she go?  Did she try to take the kids and make the trip to Draenor to surprise me?  So many fucking questions and no answers from anyone.

Fnor and I both have sent out search parties from the company and we’re paying the people dearly to see if they can find any trace of them.  I’ve cried until I have no more tears and have gone without sleep to the point that there are days that I have lost wandering around in a fog.  Where are they?  My son was born while I was in Draenor and I haven’t even held him or seen him – why did this have to happen?  All of my life I have wanted a family – now the Fates have taken away from me.  No, I won’t give up and I’ll keep looking for them.

Fnar Dawnglory

 

Speaking Out or Just Talking To Myself…

June 22nd

Yo Book!!

It’s been a while, however, I’ve been rather busy of late and haven’t had a moment to call my own – or so I’m told.  Anyway, I thought I would sit and fucking write for a while because I’m tired of working my arse off for a bunch of ungrateful peons.  Yes, I am talking about my lovely Garrison that I have been saddled with since my arrival in Draenor.  I’m a Ranger, not some paper shuffling clerk and manager of people with IQs that are lower than room temperatures – In Frostfire, that’s pretty damned low too.

I think I am just disgusted because I want to go home to Pandaria and see Romy and the kids.  I haven’t even seen my son yet because I wasn’t allowed to go home for the birth nor was I allowed to go home afterwards.  Seems totally unfair to me because I know that I am not needed all that much here at the Garrison, it can run along smoothly for a few days without my presence.  I will admit that I do have a firm boot when it comes to some of my people that I catch sleeping on the job.

As I do my mandatory stroll around the Garrison each morning, I have chanced upon a few Orcs doing “squats” with their arms loaded with wood and that’s okay, I guess, however, the thing that is really bothering me is the fact that somethings they are standing next to a tree while they are doing these calisthenics.  Now, do I want to know what they are really doing or do they have some incredible itch that they can’t reach with their arms full and they are too stupid to put the wood down?  I’m not even going to ask.

Another thing, the mines.  I was never a miner and I sure never have liked being caves or anything underground.  Now, I have to do the daily inspection and actually take ore samples every single day.  I don’t have a problem with the inspection, however, I have no clue what it is that I am doing with these samples.

I think the goblins have some kind of Union for the people that work in the mines.  They are all identical little female blonde goblins.  I do mean identical, the voices the appearance, and the way that they do everything in the mine.  There are no male goblins down there – do the females really leave the mine at quitting time or is there a quitting time? Oh, occasionally I do have a run in with one of the critters in the mine, a goblin can be standing right next to the critter or even me and they just keep hammering away at the ore as if there is nothing going on.  I know they are hired to do mining and that’s all they are going to do even if it means I’m getting the hell beat out of me, they won’t lift a finger.   All of the male goblins are on the surface in the Garrison doing other chores – I need to speak with Gazlowe about this stuff, I suppose.  It just seems curious to me.  Let’s face it, everything is weird in Draenor.

I’m also running a shipyard.  Why?  What I know about naval strategy and shipbuilding you could put in a thimble and lose it. I don’t like ships, boats or anything other than my fishing raft when it comes to water.  At least I know where all of the Orgrimmar Orcs are being sent – shipyards and Garrisons.  I know that I shouldn’t say this, however, I am really starting to wonder about Orcs – why are there so many and why are we here in Draenor fighting an Orc fight – we’re Blood Elves, Sindorei, why do we need to be kept here indefinitely.  It definitely isn’t because we offer fashion ideas to them or anything.

I haven’t even had time to go visit Fnor’s Garrison for the last couple of weeks because I have been busy getting my people out on patrols and trying my level best to make sure that everything is running as it should.  I hope that if I keep my nose to the grindstone that I will finally convince the higher-ups that I should get permission to go back to Azeroth for a while.  I have heard tales of people that have gone back without permission and all of their properties, money, titles and everything they hold dear were commandeered from them supposedly by the Horde Command.  That’s a bit harsh.

I just know that I want to go see my family.  I know that I miss Romy more than I could even imagine and I want to see my kids.  I just hope they haven’t forgotten me.

 

Fnar Dawnglory

 

 

Sometimes Life is Just Not Fair…

* Some salty language that you might find offensive – please do not read.*

 

 

February 23rd

Yo Book!

Well, it’s been a while since I have written, however, that’s the way that things have gone since I have been held prisoner here in Draenor.   I want to go home to be with Romy and the kids, I’m so damned homesick that there are times that I would love to just sit down and drink myself into oblivion so that some of the pain will go away.  I won’t do that, I’ve been down that road before and it always ends up  the same place – nowhere.

Yes, I’m a Dad for a second time and we have a beautiful baby boy named Romar – kind of a strange name, however, it’s something that suits him already.  Romy says that he is definitely a combination of the two of us in personality and looks – hope he takes after his Mom more than me though – I was not a good example to follow as a child.  It doesn’t sound like the birth was all that difficult this time and things are already settling back to normal.  I wonder how my baby girl is feeling with the arrival of this new baby?  Hope she doesn’t feel like she isn’t loved as much as ever.  Oh, I’m sure that Romy is making sure that she doesn’t feel left out or anything, however, I do know how a new baby seems to get all of the attention.  I think that the Winter Veil gifts were well received and truly liked.  I think that I should start sending Mirrin a few things now and then too – no, I’m not trying to buy her love, I just want her to know how special she is to me and to her Mother.

I’ve already made the decision that if Romy and I have any more children, I am going to be home for everything.  I know that being away all of this time has definitely put the crimp on things as far as being together and being around so that I’m not forgotten.  I hope that Mirrin realizes that her Daddy loves her just as much as ever and misses her so much.

Fnor is the lucky one, at least he has his wife and one of his sons here in Draenor although I am sure that it is not as easy for him to see them frequently with as much work that we have to do to keep these damned Garrisons running properly.  No, I never wanted anything to do with ships and I still don’t, however, the damned fools in Orgrimmar thought that the Commanders of the Garrisons should take on that role as well.  I’m a bloody Ranger, not some wanker seaman strutting around on a boat, ship, or whatever in the hell they are.  I don’t like them and I always get seasick when I board the damned things. I was meant to be on land.

I thought that they might have given us some time off during Winter Veil, however, the bastards in Orgrimmar don’t want to let any of us leave for fear that we won’t come back.  To be honest, if I ever get to leave Draenor, the only way that they will get me back here is in chains. This is not what we signed up for.  I realize the time thing somewhat, however, what does it matter, we did what we came to do and we’re done – let us go the fuck home.  I know that we’re in the mop up stages and that we’re running into some new things that are going to cause us trouble here in Draenor – what about some of this stuff slipping through the cracks in time and landing back on Azeroth?  Has any thought anything about that?  I know I worry about some of the things that I have seen and I’m wondering if the higher ups have been seeing the same things that I have – it looks like the war in Outland or have they forgotten the demons and the history that was written during that time period?  I think we’re in for something, things do not go quietly into the night once they have been disturbed, there is always something else that will happen whether we intended it or not.

I know that Romy writes as if everything is going just fine in Halfhill and I hope that she isn’t holding anything back from me.  I’m worried and from what I have seen lately, there may be some cause for concern.  Maybe the citizens aren’t even aware of what is going on too, that seems to be more like the case – I know how these political things are kind of shoved under a desk until they can’t hide it anymore and then it’s up to us to fix it again.  Look what happened with Garrosh – that was one crazy Orc and he got away with things for years before someone realized that the fellow wasn’t playing with a full deck.   I can tell you right now that the soldiers already had that figured out a long time ago.  I remember all too well how things were handled in Northrend before Arthas was finally taken of – so secretive are these political types.  Soldiers live the life and they aren’t stupid, they know what is going on.

I remember all too well what it was like growing up in an orphanage in Shattrath.  I remember the things that happened in Outland when I was just a boy and how long it seemed to go on. Now, I’m sitting here in Draenor and seeing some of the same things come to pass, is history meant to repeat itself over and over again and are we supposed to be totally oblivious to it?  How fucking stupid would that be?

Oh well, I’m just making myself into a cranky bastard because I miss my family and I don’t like being held prisoner here in Draenor.  I know that it can’t last forever and that I will get to see Romy and the kids soon, I hope.

 

Fnar Dawnglory