Will This Ever End


*Warning!! There could be some salty language in this post, if you’re easily offended, please do not read.*

 

August 25th

Yo Book!!

What in the Hells is going on!  What did we just do and why we did it?  I’m not getting anywhere with my questions; however, it is a thing that I am often doing these days. I’m questioning everything that I am doing and why I’m doing it.  Well, fuck, the first thing that comes to mind is that I am following orders and secondly – no one seems to understand the full ramifications of the shit that we are doing. Even Fnor is rattled and shaken with these new events.  It takes a fucking lot of stuff to rattle that man and I know because he’s been my best friend since I joined the rangers.

All I know is that we were doing the usual cleanup after a long battle with our foes in the Broken Shore and we got orders to report to the Warchief in Orgrimmar.  Okay, not a fucking problem, we’ll drop whatever we’re doing to go see what this crazy bitch has going on now.  To say that I dislike the Warchief is probably considered dangerous, however, I’d rather face that danger than deal with another pyscho in charge of the Horde.  Even the news from Silver Moon and our Regent Lord is a bit disconcerting at a time like this – we are ordered to Orgrimmar and we are going to do whatever the Banshee Queen has to say.  I’ll have to give it some thought or just pull one of my better disappearing acts.

For Light’s Sake!!  I just got my family back together and we’ve gone to Pandaria to live where the children can at least stay safe.  Romy and the children are still recovering from their ordeal as well as getting acclimated back to where they should be – they need no further trauma in their lives for now.

I know that I was just getting used to being with the kids and Romy again.  Just having them with me made my world complete and now, well, duty calls and there is no way that I can get out of it for fear that Romy could be called back to active duty as well.   I’m not one to leave the kids with other people to raise and I know how Romy feels about that sort of thing as well.

I’m still shaken by all the things that happened at the Dark Shore and the finality of the Horde burning the World Tree.  The loss of life for Night Elves was absolutely sickening and I wept as I stood there watching the tree burning.  War is war; however, this wasn’t something that any of us had ever thought would happen.  I know that Fnor was just devastated because of his wife’s family and his own relationship with many of the Elves over time.  Watching all of this almost felt like getting physically struck.

I’m ashamed to say that I followed my orders and did what I was told but that doesn’t mean that I agreed with it. A lot of us didn’t agree with any of it – why start a war with the Alliance at this point and time?  Why kill so many people for a whim of someone that isn’t exactly rational?

Honor and Loyalty – well, what the fuck does that really mean.  Honor is something for you as an individual, however, the Loyalty to a faction is a duty.  When that duty crosses the line, you must make some very hard choices and I have made mine – I want to be able to look at myself in the mirror and know that I am doing the right thing and not feel the shame that I am feeling now.

I know that I am sitting here and feeling like something soiled and thrown away.  This is not a great feeling at all – the shame is so intense that it almost makes me want to puke my guts out.   I have written to Romy and told her to not come anywhere near Kalimdor at this time and to avoid the Eastern Kingdoms because there is nothing left for her there any longer.

My mind is just rambling, and thoughts are as fleeting as the brandy that I have been drinking.

Fnar Dawnglory

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Almost There


*Not the usual salty language warning – kind of a calmer Dawnglory for the moment. *

 

March 20th

 

Yo Book!!

I know that I must be the happiest man on Azeroth now and the most relieved. To have one’s family brought back to you alive and well seems very miraculous.  It truly has shaken me to my core and there are times that I can’t believe that they are back.  All those months of searching and all those days and nights of mourning my loss, which, was something that I had to do because I was never sure that they would be found alive.

I was shocked silly when Zippie told me that they had been found and I will have to admit that I fucking fainted.  Yeah, big strong warrior hit the floor like a brick.  When I came out of my stupor, I had to hear the news again to be sure that I hadn’t just dreamed it. At least I knew that they were safe in Silvermoon and that I would be able to see them soon.  Naturally, being somewhat addle-pated at that point, I was going to take the Zep to UnderCity and the portal to Silvermoon – silly me.  Sometimes I amaze myself at how stupid I can be when I forget that I know a handful of mages that can port me there easily enough. I even know a few of the darker magic fellows that have transported me a few times to get to places in a hurry.  Hey, you learn to utilize the people available to you and don’t let your prejudices get in the way.

I know that I was shocked and surprised at how my family looked when I finally got to Silvermoon City.  I know that I should have realized that they were going to be a bit worse for wear, but I was shocked silly because I didn’t want to believe that they could have suffered the way that they did.  You will always tend to hang onto the memory of how they looked the last time that you saw them, which is exactly what I did.  Naturally, I had no idea what my son looked like because he hadn’t been born yet.

Poor Romy is so thin and looks a bit haggard at this point, however, I understand that she made sure that her children were cared for better than she would think of taking care of herself.  I’m happy and proud that she was able to look after the group of people with her and that she was able to survive.  I know that she is going to need a lot of rest and some very good care for a while before she will be able to resume her life as it was before she was out in the wilds that long.  She is still a beautiful woman to me and will always be that way. Just to be able to see her and hold her in my arms again is a miracle that I will always cherish.

My children are happy and very healthy, thanks to their Mother’s care. I know that I was amazed by how much my little girl had grown and how beautiful she is.  It was amazing to me that the voice I heard in my mind months ago was her voice to the letter, she sounds exactly that way.  She’s grown quite a bit physically and has changed quite a bit from the carefree little girl that I knew, her world had changed, and she adapted.  Romy and I will be talking about this a bit more when she is feeling up to it because the changes were such a dramatic shift that I don’t understand it.  Let’s just say that she has powers that I never knew a Paladin could have and that is the path that the Light has chosen for her.

Oh, my son is quite the handful and is as stubborn and willful as his parents.  I know that I was so happy to see him and to be able to hold him for the first time.  He looks a lot like Romy, however, he does have my smile, hands and feet – the rest is pure Romy.  He cried when I first held him because he’s never seen his Daddy and I was just some strange dude holding him – I guess I would cry too if I was that little and couldn’t understand things yet.

Romy is staying with her family for the time being and I am staying at the main house in Silvermoon that Fnor and I have always used.  Of course, it’s an odd arrangement, I’ll admit, however, it is probably easier for the children to adjust with the people that have been taking care of them for now.  Romy probably needs her family’s support at this point too because she has been through a lot and I know that she just needs to get some rest and some decent food in her.  I’ll do whatever makes her happy and if this arrangement makes her happy, I’ll comply with it.

Fnar Dawnglory

 

 

 

January 22nd – Praise the Light…


*Could have some salty language – so, if that offends you, please don’t read*

 

January 22

Yo Book!!

Oh, thank the Light!!!  At last my family has been found and they are in Silvermoon.  My heart is just singing with the joy and I can’t stop crying because I’m so fucking happy.  It’s been a bloody year and I will have to admit that I was about to give up hope, as much as I didn’t want to admit that they were gone.

I was apparently just missing the messages that Fnor and Zippie were sending because I was moving around quite a bit.  I was on my way from Draenor to Orgrimmar and making a few unscheduled stops along the way too.  I know that I was shocked when I walked into the offices in Orgrimmar and Zippie was just jumping up and down and squealing like goblin madness at winning the lottery or something.  Anyway, she finally calmed down and told me that Romy and the children were safe!!  I don’t know for sure, but I think I must have passed out because the next thing I know, I’m in the quarters behind the office with Zednick telling Zippie that her diplomacy needed some work.

It was wonderful news to finally get!  I know that I was anxious to see them, however, Zippie wouldn’t let me leave the office as quickly as I wanted to because she wanted to fill me in on some of the details as she knew them.   I’ll admit that I was bit angry, at first.  I did realize that she wanted to give me the news about the conditions of the survivors before I got shocked silly again.

I guess Romy and the others had a difficult time and I didn’t realize that the demons had been stalking them until today.  I had seen some signs of demons in the area, but I thought it was just residual stuff from when they were trying to invade the main sections of Azeroth.  That was indeed a horrible time and I know that people were killed as they tried to fight them off in small numbers.   I can imagine how these women must have felt with the kids being at such great risk as well as themselves.  Knowing Romy as I do, I know that she was showing the signs of a female wolf guarding her young.

I know that I will be making my way to Romy’s family home in Silvermoon City as quickly as I can.  I’m so anxious to see her and the children.  I will finally get to see my son!!

Fnar Dawnglory

 

January 12th – Time Goes On…


*Might have some salty language or descriptions…been a while but we all know how Fnar talks. *

 

January 12th

 

Yo Book!

I will have to admit that I have spent the last year in mourning for the loss of my family and this last Holiday Season was probably the worst on record for me.  I have been depressed before, but I was contemplating just ending it all to free my soul, heart and mind from the terrible sadness and loneliness that I have endured for the last year.  It has not been a pleasant time for me nor any of the people that have been forced to be around me.   I am sure that I was not the most pleasant of company along with the drinking binges that I would go on.

Fnor was going to do the whole family thing in Nagrand and I was invited but was hesitating about attending since I know his kid sister would be there and I didn’t want to have to be on-guard to avoid her affections without being rude to her.  There is nothing that can disrupt a friendship faster than involvement with one of the friend’s family members.  She’s okay, appearances are that she is very attractive until you get to know her personality a bit better.   Beauty can truly be skin deep and when the selfish self-centered side shows up, it can be ugly with a pretty package to tempt the latest victims.  I have known for years that she was infatuated with me; however, I was hoping that she would outgrown that mindset, which she hasn’t.  I know that there have been times when Fnor and I have distanced ourselves from one another after some of her embarrassing blow-ups concerning me.

Of course, I had made plans to be busy during the holidays and stay to myself at the Garrison in Draenor.  I had planned a nice party for all the people there and we had everything all decorated up so that none of us would feel like we were left out.  I never realized how many of my people didn’t go home for the holidays because they felt more comfortable there with the others.  It’s almost like having a family on an extra level, which is kind of nice when you’ve been raised in an orphanage like Felessa and I were.  Even though we all can travel back and forth between Azeroth and Draenor now, it was kind of odd that, so many opted to stay here.  At least I wasn’t going to be alone and I wouldn’t have to see the other people’s children unless they invited them here.

Naturally, I felt like things were just going to be the same as they have been for the last year and I would be spending the time alone, off to myself and trying to sort things out in mind again.  I know that I have mourned for Romy and the kids long enough and I need to get my feet back on the ground and start over again.  No, I haven’t given up on finding them and I will continue to search for them and keep hoping that I will be able to finally get some closure one way or another.  I feel like I have been living in a dream that I couldn’t wake up from, no matter how hard I tried, and this was the Light’s way of letting me know that I didn’t treat things the way that I should have.  I know that I cherished Romy more than any woman that I have ever been involved with and my heart keeps aching for her and there are times that I do weep for the loss of my children.

Maybe staying away from the farm has been good for me too, giving myself time to heal before I try to make my way there again and try to resume life for myself.  Having the farm there gives me a place to go and a place to try to put down roots and a place where I can have a life without all the social tribulations that seem to happen amongst my own kind.  Pandaria gave me an inner peace that I haven’t ever found anywhere else, a sense of tranquility that just seemed to make everything seem more precious to me.

I will have to admit that I am still really kind of creeped out with the dream that I had the last time I was at the farm because it seemed so real and I know that I wanted to sleep more and try to relive that dream again.  Sure, it was a typical man’s dream, however, it just seemed so right to have Romy in my arms again and to be able to touch her, even in a dream, the woman has a fire of her own that I don’t think that anyone could ever put out.  I know that if I ever get involved with anyone again, it will be extremely difficult not to make comparisons to Romy – I know, that could be a death knell to any relationship, however, she is the only woman that I truly gave all my love too – she was really my life and my soulmate.

I still wish that Romy and I could have gotten married before she disappeared.  I know that we were both anti-marriage when it was just the two of us because we didn’t think about the social aspects of not being married and having children.  I know that we wanted everything for our daughter and, now, for our son.  I wonder what my boy looked like?  You see, I had never seen him and the only thing that I have of his is the little bootie that was found at the Zeppelin crash site.   I’m sure that we would have had some portraits done when Romy and the kids got home again – will they ever be home?

Now that the holidays are over, and everyone is happy with how things went, I’m sure that we will all get back into our routines.  It’s about time for me to head to Orgrimmar and possibly Silvermoon to pick up any materials for the Garrison that the Horde can spare for the forgotten people stationed out there.

I hope that I can catch up with Fnor while I’m in either Orgrimmar or SMC because he and I need to catch up on some things and see how we are going to go forward with the company.   I know that he has been spending most of his time in the Broken Isle fighting demons – I lucked out and didn’t have to report there just yet.    I know that I am not looking forward to fighting demons any time soon because I still remember the remnants of them in Outland and we have our own issues with them filtering into Draenor now and then.   I think evil and vile doesn’t adequately describe how I feel when I see traces of them and the foul Fel that they seem to bring with them and leave behind to mark the territory as their own.

I think I might apply for some leave so that I can go to Pandaria for a while, I’ll just have to keep my eye out for Faendra and make sure to keep my distance from that conniving bitch.

 

 

Fnar Dawnglory

 

 

 

Why Is This Happening…


*Beware, there will be some graphic and salty language in this post.  If you are easily offended, please do not read. *

 

October 19th

Yo Book!!

At least you’re still here and I can at least put some of my thoughts down and try to muddle my way through my life for a while longer.  There really isn’t anyone that I can talk to about things with Fnor being away and my sister is all tied up with her marriage and two children.   Besides, who wants to listen to a lonely and lost fellow trying to make some sense out of the things that have gone on in his life.

I have fucking toed the mark and tried to do all the right things without upsetting the Powers-to-Be, Fate and the Light.  I’ve even sent my prayers to any of the damned gods that I can think of to try to make some sense out of what has happened.

The area where the zeppelin crashed is not uninhabited and there are towns and villages scattered all over the place. Yet, no one has seen my red-haired woman traveling with two small children.  I know that I have searched until I’m am both exhausted in mind and body.  It probably doesn’t help matters that I am still trying to keep the rest of my life in order as well – I do have obligations that must be met – one obligation is military and the other is making money with Morningstar Enterprises to make sure that my family has something to come back too.  I don’t think that any of them would want to come back and live in a tent or stay in Silvermoon at this point.

Yes, I did take Fnor’s advice and I have been staying at the main house in Silvermoon and I will have to admit that I have enjoyed spending some time with Agatha and her children.  At first, I was kind of nervous since she has never mentioned having a man in her life before, however, after meeting the children, there is no doubt in my mind whom the Father might be.  Fnor has two beautiful children, a boy and a girl that he is apparently not acknowledging or he hasn’t been told about them although they seem to be more than a little bit aware of who I am and know of his whereabouts.  Amyn would be crushed if she knew that Fnor didn’t keep his word to her, however, he is married to her and has never stepped out or broken his vows since they were married in Dalaran in the Sindorei fashion.    The girl is as beautiful as her Mother; however, she has a lot of Fnor’s mannerisms and features – quick to smile and quick to anger, I suppose, just like Daddy.  He won’t be able deny the boy – the boy is the spitting image of Fnor, same smile, same everything and his voice is already very much like his Sire’s voice although softer.  Now, the question comes to mind of whether I should mention them to him or should I talk to Agatha first?  Hmmm, can’t say that I want to confront Fnor about the kids when he is apparently unaware of their existence – that could explain some of Agatha’s absences, I suppose – off having a baby on those vacations she has taken.  They both have the same heavy dark hair of both parents; however, the boy has the same exact eyes as Fnor’s other boys – the green flecks overriding the underlying lighter color.  Strange but beautiful looking.  I think I’ll talk to Agatha and find out what she must say about her children.

I know that I still wake up in the mornings here in Silvermoon and my heart longs to be on the farm in Halfhill.  I miss the rain on the rooftop and the smell of the place.   Yes, I miss the big bed that seems so empty without Romy in it and I miss the constant chattering of the villagers as they walk down the road towards their farms or the market.   I have spoken with Agatha quite a bit about my feelings of loss and the loneliness that has seemed to take the place of the emptiness that I have been feeling.   She has assured me that I will survive it all and that she had to experience the whole thing with the Commander when he lost the girl and his child when he was living in Dalaran.   Those were turbulent and sad times for all of us, however, Agatha never left Fnor alone all those months, she was always there taking care of the house and a lot of the business stuff that he didn’t want to make time for.  Here she is in Silvermoon taking care of his interests here …and his children.

I’ll have to give this all some more thought, my mind is totally spinning at the ramifications of the thoughts that I am having and for once, I’m not dwelling on my own losses.  Light!!  I wish that I could find Romy and the children soon.

 

Fnar Dawnglory

 

July 8th – Life Goes On…Right?


*Remember that this particular character is pretty outspoken and has no filter on his language – might be a few words in here that are not fit for people to read that are easily offended. *

 

 

July 8th

 

Yo Book!!

I knew that I was fucking getting run-down and didn’t feel like my normal self, however, I didn’t realize what real exhaustion can do to you sometimes.  I know that I have been burning the candle at both ends and trying to cure some of that with imbibing in more alcohol than I should.  Now, I’ve been fucking told that I had better knock that nonsense off if I plan on living long enough to find Romy and the kids.  I know that I have felt like there is never going to be an end to this and I will spend the rest of my living days searching for my wife and children.

Yes, I fucking said the word – WIFE.  My intent when I got home from Draenor was to take her to a magistrate or to one of the monks in Pandaria and for us to get married.  Yes, that legal and binding thing that people do when they love one another with their entire being. Well, that got shot to Hell and Gone when I got back and she was missing.  In my mind and in my heart, we’re already married and have been since the day we met – I wasn’t just smitten with her physical beauty, I was smitten with her soul and her sheer love of life. Yeah, I know it’s stupid, however, I do believe in “love at first sight” because it has happened to me and I have lost all interest in other women – that was quite a shock in the womanizer that I used to be. To say that I was experienced is an understatement – I had gone on some rough mileage at times.

What brought this outburst on, you might ask?  Well, I was talking with Fnor and he mentioned that I looked a little tired and maybe I should just take some time off.  I did tell him about the way that his sister was acting with me again and that set him off on temper tantrum that seemed to be more than just his usual outburst.  I told him about her comments and the way that she had acted very recently which just made him angrier at her.  There are days that I ask myself “why me?” I do try to keep going and try to overlook a lot of her overtures’ that had ceased for a while, however, with Romy out of the picture, she is on me as a target once again.

I have known Faendra since she was a kid. Hell, she and my sister, Felessa, were best friends until she started chasing after me like a bitch in heat.  I know that this has been going on for years and has caused Fnor and I some major problems, however, it has not interfered with our friendship.  There are times when I wonder if Fnor isn’t all that bright when it comes to females and how dangerous they can be – with his experiences, he should have clue by now.

I know that Jongu has mentioned to me that he doesn’t like that other Blood Elf female that comes by the house sometimes.  He said she isn’t nice to him and thinks that she has sneaky streak and might steal things when I’m not there and he is busy doing other things.  Hmmm, that’s unusual for Jongu because he’s always liked everyone to my knowledge.  I wonder what he was hinting at, he’s a strange fellow and I like having him around and he works cheap since I told him he can sell his chicken and dumplings at the market.  I know we are still having that problem with the chickens dropping dead at the farm every once in a while, – we have still not figured out what is up with that, however, it doesn’t seem to cause any issues when we eat them.  Oh well, I’ll just keep my eyes out for that little bitch.

While I was talking with Fnor, a weird thing happened.  I either passed out or I fainted and I woke up with a healer standing over me and shaking her head.  She said I was suffering from exhaustion and that my body was showing some signs of trouble from my drinking.  Well, that wasn’t a real surprise to me, I know I have been drinking quite a bit.  She also told me that I was talking while I was out and crying – my emotions seemed more than a little bit raw. 

The weird thing that happened was I was talking and I heard my daughter’s voice like she was standing there with Fnor and I.  I felt my heart give a lurch when I heard the voice and I passed out.  How can she be here and not here?  I know that I still have a chill when I think about it, I don’t want to think that she is in the afterlife and it was her spirit talking to me – she can’t be dead and neither can Romy and my son be dead.  I won’t believe it, I refuse to believe.  Anyway, long story short, she told me to take some time off and possibly get out of Pandaria for a while and go back to the Eastern Kingdoms, get some rest and see if I can’t quieten my mind some.

I told Fnor what the healer had told me and he told me to go back to Silvermoon and stay at the house there for a while.  He would get in touch with Agatha to let her know that I was coming and to make sure that she keeps Faendra away from me if she should show up.  So, I am going to take the advice and take some time off, drop the letter from the healer off in Orgrimmar and go home for a while to Silvermoon.

 

Fnar Dawnglory

 

 

 

Still Searching…Frustrating…


June 28th

Yo Book!!

I know that I have spent way too much fucking time just trying to find Romy and the children.  I wonder if my feelings are wrong and I won’t be able to find them – ever.  The thought of giving up on finding them is breaking my heart and my mind just doesn’t want to believe that they have just fucking disappeared forever.  My love, my daughter and the son I’ve never seen – how can this be?

I have worked my ass off for the Horde and I keep getting sent away to places that I could care less about than where my would-be wife and children are.  Every time I feel like I am making some progress on my search, I get recalled to that stupid Garrison in Draenor or they expect me to head to the Broken Shore with my men.  No, I don’t want to go, I want to find my family and then I can spend my time with them and then attend to my duties.  My family must take the priority in my life.  Fuck the reigning parties at this point, The Banshee Queen as the Warchief?  How can that be?  The most evil of all women and she is going to lead the Horde to its own destruction.   I’m still following the orders that I get from the Regent Lord and obeying the pledge that I gave for my people, however, this new regime is not to my personal liking at all.

It’s been months since my family disappeared and all we have are a little shoe that belonged to my son and the rumors that there may have been some survivors at the crash site of the Zep, however, where did they go?  Did they get some medical attention?  Have the left the area or are they being held prisoner by someone?  So many questions unanswered.

I looked in the mirror this morning and saw myself and can tell that this worrying and stress has taken a toll on me physically.  Too much drinking and too much depression has left its mark and it will be a while before that goes away, I’m sure.  At least I don’t have any gray hair showing in my hair yet, that would be a definite worry for me because I have always been vain about my appearance.  Yes, I do need to start thinking about other things and trying to rebuild some of my life instead of just living it one day at a time.

I am going to have to take my life in hand and try to get on with something normal.  I can’t just keep hoping that they will all turn up and things will be as they once were.  That never happens, we can’t erase the time that has gone by and I can’t step back into the lives of my children when they probably don’t even remember what I look like – my son has never seen me, so, the little fellow would have no clue as to whom I might be.  Has Romy survived this and has she gotten on with her life or is she still trying to come back to me – I don’t know.  In my heart, I want her back so badly that it is almost painful to dwell on it so much.   That red hair, those lovely arms that held me so tightly and the kisses that would make any man swoon with desire.  I truly had never known the passion that this one woman could arouse in me and she was the only one that ever pulled me to that level – I miss her voice, that lilting laughter, that quick wit. Just the sheer longing for her causes me such emotional and physical pain that I can hardly manage it.

No, I have not been with another woman and haven’t been with anyone for over a year and my libido is sadly missing at this point.  Now, I have another problem.  It appears Faendra Morningstar has decided in her infinite wisdom that Romy is never coming back and that I should take her as my wife. That is never going to happen, even if there were a remote possibility of it happening.  She is truly making a pest of herself.

I have decided that I will leave Pandaria, the farm will be taken care of by my friends and I will try to stay in Orgrimmar for a while or even Silvermoon.  At least Faendra will not have easy access to my person if I am in either of those places.   Of course, there is always my Garrison to hide out in, however, I do dislike freezing my ass off every time the wind blows.  I just can’t afford to have any mishaps or other distractions until I can get my life back under control.

Fnar Dawnglory