Thinking of Things in the Past…Looking Forward

 

Written in very cursive script denoting the maturity and education of the author

 

May 31st

Dear Journal,

I’m sitting here on the front steps of my headquarters in the Garrison and wondering about a whole plethora of  things that I have been thinking about since we came to Draenor.  I would like to say that I am sitting here in my robes, coffee and cigarettes at the ready, however, that is not the case.  It’s too damned cold to be sitting around in robes and I always seem to be stuck in my usual uniform of armor and weapons at the ready – you never know when some fool will decide to attack your Garrison even though we’re fully armed to the teeth and have yet met any kind of defeat from the useless attacks.

I wish I could just sit here and enjoy what little bit of sunlight and warmth we get in this Light Forsaken tundra without people walking by, snapping too and saluting before they move only if I return the salutation.  I would love to be sitting on the steps in Halfhill on the farm, what the plants grown and feeling the warm sunlight, birds singing and watching some of the non-lethal insects zipping around the crops.  I would love to be able to sit here with a hot steaming cup of my coffee for longer than five minutes and get to enjoy that wonderful aroma and flavor.  I truly miss those quiet peace times in Pandaria that we were able to enjoy there at the last.

I don’t know how anyone else feels about being in Draenor, however,  I am one of those people that only thinks about the time that we will finally be able to leave here.  The world seems to be vast and the people that we have been in contact with are really hospitable in ways that I wouldn’t think it were possible.  I know that we came here to fight the Iron Horde, however, there are times that I wonder how the people actually feel because it was almost like we were invading for the sake of invading.   Are we here to rescue the inhabitants or are we here to help ourselves to their resources as we have historically done in every military action.  Every time I think about the military actions that I have been involved in over the years, it makes me realize that I am getting up there in years even for a Blood Elf.

I know that it hasn’t been easy for me to keep my mind completely wrapped around the fact that I am a commander of a garrison.  I know that I have been a commander before, however, it has always been over a group of Rangers, not a conglomerate of people and resources.   I definitely feel more comfortable with the idea of dealing with Rangers than I do these other things.

No, I’m not a miner, nor a gardener nor do I feel comfortable dealing with all of the forging and the like.  No, I’m not feeling comfortable in sending people out on missions that I would much rather be a part of rather than to continue to sit in my garrison while they are off having these adventures.  I’m old school enough to feel comfortable in delegating out tasks instead of having to attend to a lot of them myself.  I’m a soldier, not an administrator – I usually hire people to take care of things like that for me.

I did get a letter from my wife and she is on her way to Draenor, that is good news and bad, all at the same time.  I know that I have been so lonely these last few months that I could hardly stand it and to think that there might be a huge possibility of us getting together in the near future is almost a numbing kind of reality.  I know that I have felt like a part of my life was missing when she hasn’t been near me and being in Draenor really brought that feeling home to me much more than any other time than we have been apart.  To hear that lilting laughter and the occasional Kaldorei curse about something that she isn’t too pleased with, is something that I have totally missed .   Unfortunately, there isn’t a neutral city in this world where we can meet, however, we have been able to get through the obstacles like that before.

I know that it is sometimes hard for me to believe that the two of us have been together for all of this time.  I was a very young man when we met in the Northern Barrens and she was a very young Sentinel on her first assignment in the area.  I sit here and smile whenever I think about all of those strange circumstances that brought us together  all those years ago.  The fact that we should have been sworn enemies really never deterred us from letting our relationship  grow – it may have been the fact that it was exciting and different and we were at the rebellious stages in our life, I’ll never know for sure, however, I know that there is no doubt in my mind that I am still very much in love with my wife and she with me.  To think that we have two sons together is some kind of miracle to me and I will never walk away from that, our children are true extensions of ourselves.

I wonder sometimes how some of my friends would react if they knew that my “wife” that I seem to keep hidden away and protected is a Kaldorei.  I think that a few of them would be okay with it, however, there are a couple that would call me a traitor amongst other things because of the fact that I am supposedly sleeping with the enemy.   I know I definitely wouldn’t give up my mate/wife for any of the political beliefs that I have – I would give everything that I have away to just be able to go somewhere with my wife and live together in peace.

I have also gotten another refusal on my request for leave as well as the request that I put in to resign my commission and to be able to return to Azeroth.  It sure doesn’t seem fair and almost ironic that here we are in a strange place, our home is far away and yet, our duty is needed here.  I wish I could understand the vision of leaders a bit more, which does seem strange, I have yet to see anyone of any greater importance other than an Ambassador show up  to make the Horde presence truly known in that political arena.   This whole thing just seems off kilter in more ways than one.

At least my portals seem to be working here in the Garrison today, which is always a nice thing when you consider what we had to go through before my mages got their acts together.  There could be some underlying magic that I am not acquainted with the keep us from doing certain things in a manner that we have grown accustomed too over the centuries.  Draenor is a beautiful place in a lot of ways, however, I think that we are not adapting  to the environment as well as I might have expected, it could be from the fact that we are so isolated from our own world and timeline – I know it makes me nervous to think about it.

Ah well, I guess Pan and I should get up and start walking around acting like we’re actually in charge of things here and do some o four walks throughout.  It sure does get old when all I long for is to leave this place and not return or at least do something that challenges me as a man and a soldier.

Fnor Morningstar

 

 

OOC – Time Moves ON…

May 22nd

Just posting to let people know that I haven’t expired or anything of that nature, just haven’t felt the urge to write a whole lot and working on my quitting smoking.  I really think that I have a “one event” buffer in my brain and I am determined to get away from tobacco.

Celebrated my 66th Birthday on the 20th and I will have to say that I am very surprised that I have lived this long sometimes.  Went out to lunch with the family and just generally had a great time being with them.  That’s always a good thing.  It’s not like we don’t live in the same area, however, our schedules are such that it really does make it hard to get together with them sometimes.

I knew that quitting smoking was going to be a challenge and it sure hasn’t let me down.  From what I have gathered from others that have quit smoking recently, that urge and craving takes a huge amount of time to get to where it is tolerable.  Sure, I’ve had a few slip-ups,  which I anticipated, and have managed to yank myself away from them without feeling like I am failing.  Switched over to utilizing e-cigs and now that I have figured out the nicotine levels and what not, it has gotten a bit easier to deal with.  I know that I am feeling pretty good about myself in the fact that I am feeling a whole lot better physically already and a lot of it has to do with the mindset and the support from my friends and family.

I have really kind of put Draenor on ignore for the last couple of weeks and finding myself enjoying the World of Warcraft a lot more running around on my alts and just leveling along.  Of course, it would be less frustrating if I could make myself stay on one character until I got them to the level that I want and need.  I still have quite a few “free” boosts that I haven’t used yet and I’m not exactly sure when I will use them at this point.  I know that on my other boosted characters that the magic seemed to disappear with the boost – I missed going through the whole process of leveling and getting to check out the various class mechanics that I haven’t played before or at least haven’t played in a while.  Half the fun of reaching level cap is the journey to get there and that feeling of accomplishment when you get there.

I’m still working on Loremaster and having a good time with that still.  I hope to get back into my routine of writing again next week when things settle down a bit more.  I know that I have missed writing the stories and such, however, I am finding that if I can get totally immersed in the game, it’s a lot easier to not think about my addiction to tobacco.

Have a good one and see you in-game!

 

OOC – Quitting Smoking ….

May 15th

I know that this is a weird thing to write about as far as a blog goes, however, here goes.  I am playing primarily lowbies right now in World of Warcraft so that I get totally involved in what I am doing so that I can suppress my urge to smoke.

Yep, I quit smoking for seven years and went back to it like a dummy and now I am paying the price for that stupidity.   I don’t recall the last time that I quit smoking making me very scatter-brained  and going through some pretty good mood swings.

I just wanted to apologize for not writing a whole lot at the moment.  My goal is to be away from tobacco by the 20th of May – my BD.  Wish me luck and when I can keep my brain running in the right direction, I’ll post something again.  😀

Finally…Some Good News

Written in very cursive script denoting the maturity and education of the author

May 7th

Dear Journal,

Well, I will have to admit that I did wake up in a better frame of mind this morning than I have in many months.  I had gotten some very good news in my mail last night that I wasn’t expecting and it partially pleased me and discouraged me a bit too.

It appears as though my wife has finally had enough of this separation nonsense and has started on her journey to Draenor or she may already be here after I noticed the date on the letter.  Sometimes it takes a little bit longer for the smuggled mail to make it to me and that’s understandable, at least it was unopened.  Zippie has her own way of disguising mail with her monthly reports, so, I’m sure a couple of the days that it was delayed was while she was finishing up some of her weekly reports that she was sending to me.  Anyway, I got the letter and I will have to admit that I almost shouted with the joy of the news because I have missed my woman more than I thought could be even possible.

I know that Amyn and I had discussed her following me to Draenor and my thought was that we wouldn’t be here that long and that it would be a lot easier for me to get the leaves from the Garrison that it has turned out to be.  All of these months of serving here have taught me that nothing is as it seems, at least in my mind’s eye.    I hope that the Alliance is a little bit more prepared to allow its troops to travel back and forth to their home world than the Horde appears to be at this time.   I now that I have been putting in requests for leave for the last two months and each time I get a letter back telling me how important my position is here in Draenor and that my presence is very much required.

At least I hope that Amyn is in Shadowmoon Valley for a while and I can get over there without being encumbered with troops on a scouting mission.  I know that it is really something that the higher-ups frown on a the Commanders taking off on missions of their own, however, if we don’t do that, we’d end up sitting in the Garrisons and filling out some paperwork that a clerk could do very easily.  Anyway, I’ll try to get word to her as soon as I can, once I can figure out where she might be stationed so that we can get together for some long deserved time.  I know where Kaldor is stationed and I have been able to send him a letter once in a while and he has responded, so, I know that it’s possible to get the mail through those lines.

I know that I am just happy knowing that my wife is on the same continent now and that betters the chances of us seeing one another.  I know it sounds selfish, however, I have missed her so much that there were times that I felt like take a leave without permission and to hell with the consequences.  Oh yes, I do take my oaths to the Regent Lord seriously and my oath to the Horde seriously, however, there are limits as to how much I am going to give up when it comes to my family – I don’t see how keeping men away from their loved ones like this is going to keep the morale high enough to accomplish all of the things that we are supposed to be doing while we’re in Draenor.

I know that it is supposedly Spring somewhere in this Light Forsaken place, however, someone forget to let the calendar know about here in Frostfire Ridge.  When I woke up this morning, the stove in my little hut by the garden had gone out and I was freezing things that shouldn’t be frozen when I crawled out from under the furs.   I will admit that the coldness doesn’t seem to be affecting the garden, however, it does affect my Sindorei body a bit more than I would have thought sometimes.   I have to chuckle here because it could be from my age or something too, however, I don’t want to dwell on that too much either. One would have thought that it would stay warmer here in the cavern with the lava pool so close by, however, I know that the wind whips through here quite a bit sometimes in the wee hours of the morning.

I know I’m sitting here in the main hall just kind of grinning like a fool to myself about the fact that there might be a chance that I will be seeing Amyn soon.  It feels like a holiday that hasn’t happened yet and I know that I am just anxiously awaiting the meeting.  Just to see that smile of hers and those glowing eyes, it makes me almost tremble with delight.  I know she has missed me too if the words in her letter that hinted at such things that the two of us could do together when we are reunited.

Well, I don’t let Dawnglory know about Amyn’s getting here just yet because he is just being miserable with his separation from Romy, especially since he knows that she’s pregnant with his second child.  I never thought that the man would get that crazy about one woman and how much he would dote on his daughter, much less, just pining away for the arrival of his second child.    I just hope that he thinks a good long time before he does anything stupid, like just taking off and going back to Halfhill without proper leave credentials.  Sometimes I can control his emotions and sometimes I just have to walk away because he has stubborn streak that makes my own look like a passing phase.

So much for sitting here filling out paperwork, it’s time for me to get off my backside and get Pan moving so that we can take one of our many walks around the Garrison and head out to do some work of our own.  I know I won’t make it to the Valley today, however, there are some areas here in Frostfire that have peaked my interest of late with the influx of more ogres.

Fnor Morningstar